(no subject)
first kiss! He really blows my mind. I went to his room today, though it took me about ten laps of anxious pacing on my bike before i got up the nerve to even enter his dorm, and then another ten minutes before stood facing his door, and another ten seconds after i knocked before he opened it, awkwardly wrapped in a bathrobe though it was only late afternoon. I knew he was leaving for break but I asked him if he was staying anyway (it was the only excuse I could come up with for stalking him down). In retrospect I suppose I just came to get another kiss- and to test if what had happened before was a dream or still attainable- but I didn't have to ask, as it turned out. I know he is far too beautiful for me and that he's bisexual and polyamorous. But I feel so comfortable kissing hi because he is so comfortable with his own sexuality, so he is helping me be comfortable with mine. He is interesting and beautiful and even crazier he thinks I'm beautiful too. I'm not expecting any kind of ongoing sexual romance with him, but I really hope to get to know him better as a friend. It's funny, although I'm attracted to him I feel that now I've had a taste of it I am perfectly satiated, as though all my hormones have fled and all that remains is a vague attraction to everyone, and no one. A sort of temporary sexual apathy.
Still trying to decide whether I'm going to catch a ride to Baltimore tomorrow to visit some relatives. I lost the guy's number who's driving though, so that must be found and dialed soon. But right now my roommate's asleep so I can't turn on the light and look for it.
Just came back from cooking an amazing gourmet vegetarian feast. Midterms wrapped up gently this week. I'm acing chemistry, which is a complete mystery to myself, but I'm proud nonetheless.
So many new experiences lately!!! On Wednesday we did a baby pig dissection with pigs from our farm (all died of natural causes, and at least smelled of farm, not formeldahyde). I ended up doing most of the cutting since my partner had never done a dissection in her life and two other girls gave up after cutting through the mouth and watched me. Once you get over the gruesomeness (or at least come to terms with it), you let yourself be fascinated by the beauty and complexity of the body. I wish we'd had more time to study it.
I went to a crazy party last weekend (which I never do) and got quite drunk (which I also never do, though really, it's pretty fun) and then shortly thereafter sprained my ankle (which I also have never done). I was lucky the friend I was with was on training crew and her roommate works in the health center so they bound it and iced it and it was actually quite nice being drunk and cared for, minus the pain. It is still not completely healed and I should probably not be walking around half as much as I am. Last night I went to the contra dance but left early because I was tired and my foot was hurting.
I woke up before 7 today in the dark to go milk a cow for the first time. Now I have milk and eggs from our farm to cook with. I learned how to graft an apple and pear treeling from a friend of mine whose thesis is on grafting and wants to start his own farm after college. Today I worked all day in paint crew but we were very lazy. We were painting on scaffolding outside the president's office and he came out and complimented my singing and I invited him to come sing with me sometime. We also had tons of free pie today because it was Pi Day and I talked with him over pie about getting to paint more murals around campus, and he's totally for it. He's a lot cooler than you think; people shouldn't hate him so much just because he's an authority figure. I just want to be his friend. Next weekend I'll finally get to go to this sweat lodge/retreat in Georgia. I'm technically not supposed to be in my dorm over break since I don't have a work contract but I don't mind because I have a tent and 1,100 acres to pitch it on. More than likely I'll just live in one of the amazing tiny little student-constructed cabins on suicide ridge, both of which I found this week (one by accident, one on purpose). Also this amazing girl named Hattie who spins fire and dances and is training to be a dula and who I have a huge crush on invited me to stay in her room and I practically died of joy because I want to live with all the shepard girls next year. So staying here over break is not going to be as dull as I imagined it.
It's things like these that remind me why I don't want to leave Wilson. Sometimes I wish classes were harder, work more productive. But I love this place. And the people. Mostly the people.
Andy Summers, a teacher at our school who I knew and who was an advisor to some of my friends, died very suddenly this week from a sudden onset of leukemia. We are all in mourning for him.
I talked to my mom briefly on the phone today. Right now we are pretty distant (but isn't that true most of the time?) but I'm very close with my father.
My sister is driving to Minnesota to the smoky mountains about 2 hours west of me and it's silly because she'll be so close but I probably won't see her.
I'm leaving the co-op and getting back on the meal plan. Not enough variety, not enough money, not enough time, not enough food in general. Although it had its perks, it'll be nice to have all my meals cooked for me once more and to not have to do my own dishes and constantly be running late for class.
If you're still reading this, I'm impressed.
That's really about it, even though I know that's a whole lot.
Oh, I also landed a summer job back home in Lincoln on Lindentree farm. So excited to work on a farm. It's beautiful, organic, 12 acres, wonderful couple. I'm so so so lucky for everything everything everything I have it's almost too much happiness if reincarnation exists I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve so much love and privilege and talent and opportunity and health and wealth. I know I need to share it with others, in any way I can.
I'm looking forward to the books, the hikes, making good food with friends, the silence.
The holding myself over and over again never to leave or abandon but always here until the bubbling spring in my mind hushes and I am silent, trusting, in love with myself.
Still trying to decide whether I'm going to catch a ride to Baltimore tomorrow to visit some relatives. I lost the guy's number who's driving though, so that must be found and dialed soon. But right now my roommate's asleep so I can't turn on the light and look for it.
Just came back from cooking an amazing gourmet vegetarian feast. Midterms wrapped up gently this week. I'm acing chemistry, which is a complete mystery to myself, but I'm proud nonetheless.
So many new experiences lately!!! On Wednesday we did a baby pig dissection with pigs from our farm (all died of natural causes, and at least smelled of farm, not formeldahyde). I ended up doing most of the cutting since my partner had never done a dissection in her life and two other girls gave up after cutting through the mouth and watched me. Once you get over the gruesomeness (or at least come to terms with it), you let yourself be fascinated by the beauty and complexity of the body. I wish we'd had more time to study it.
I went to a crazy party last weekend (which I never do) and got quite drunk (which I also never do, though really, it's pretty fun) and then shortly thereafter sprained my ankle (which I also have never done). I was lucky the friend I was with was on training crew and her roommate works in the health center so they bound it and iced it and it was actually quite nice being drunk and cared for, minus the pain. It is still not completely healed and I should probably not be walking around half as much as I am. Last night I went to the contra dance but left early because I was tired and my foot was hurting.
I woke up before 7 today in the dark to go milk a cow for the first time. Now I have milk and eggs from our farm to cook with. I learned how to graft an apple and pear treeling from a friend of mine whose thesis is on grafting and wants to start his own farm after college. Today I worked all day in paint crew but we were very lazy. We were painting on scaffolding outside the president's office and he came out and complimented my singing and I invited him to come sing with me sometime. We also had tons of free pie today because it was Pi Day and I talked with him over pie about getting to paint more murals around campus, and he's totally for it. He's a lot cooler than you think; people shouldn't hate him so much just because he's an authority figure. I just want to be his friend. Next weekend I'll finally get to go to this sweat lodge/retreat in Georgia. I'm technically not supposed to be in my dorm over break since I don't have a work contract but I don't mind because I have a tent and 1,100 acres to pitch it on. More than likely I'll just live in one of the amazing tiny little student-constructed cabins on suicide ridge, both of which I found this week (one by accident, one on purpose). Also this amazing girl named Hattie who spins fire and dances and is training to be a dula and who I have a huge crush on invited me to stay in her room and I practically died of joy because I want to live with all the shepard girls next year. So staying here over break is not going to be as dull as I imagined it.
It's things like these that remind me why I don't want to leave Wilson. Sometimes I wish classes were harder, work more productive. But I love this place. And the people. Mostly the people.
Andy Summers, a teacher at our school who I knew and who was an advisor to some of my friends, died very suddenly this week from a sudden onset of leukemia. We are all in mourning for him.
I talked to my mom briefly on the phone today. Right now we are pretty distant (but isn't that true most of the time?) but I'm very close with my father.
My sister is driving to Minnesota to the smoky mountains about 2 hours west of me and it's silly because she'll be so close but I probably won't see her.
I'm leaving the co-op and getting back on the meal plan. Not enough variety, not enough money, not enough time, not enough food in general. Although it had its perks, it'll be nice to have all my meals cooked for me once more and to not have to do my own dishes and constantly be running late for class.
If you're still reading this, I'm impressed.
That's really about it, even though I know that's a whole lot.
Oh, I also landed a summer job back home in Lincoln on Lindentree farm. So excited to work on a farm. It's beautiful, organic, 12 acres, wonderful couple. I'm so so so lucky for everything everything everything I have it's almost too much happiness if reincarnation exists I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve so much love and privilege and talent and opportunity and health and wealth. I know I need to share it with others, in any way I can.
I'm looking forward to the books, the hikes, making good food with friends, the silence.
The holding myself over and over again never to leave or abandon but always here until the bubbling spring in my mind hushes and I am silent, trusting, in love with myself.