[ application ] katsura koutarou from GINTAMA
NAME: Katsura Koutarou
FANDOM: Gintama
TIMELINE PERIOD: After the Benizakura Arc and the interview with the mysterious terrorist, K-san.
BACKGROUND:
I present my friend with both steel and blossoms
Those two elements are coexistent on this earth
Why must strife ever prevail?
-Katsura Kogoro
This is not your history class's Edo! Twenty years ago, Gintama's Edo was invaded by an alien race called the Amanto whose merciless onslaught coupled with its superior technology forced the shogunate to its knees. The task of defending the embattled nation fell to the samurai and the Joui war began... and ended with the strength of the samurai crushed, a ban on swords laid into place and an unconditional surrender was negotiated between the Amanto and the shogunate. There are those who kept on fighting the good fight, remnants of the old Joui movement, survivors turned fugitives and labeled terrorists by Amanto and shogunate alike... and its foremost hero is the man nicknamed the Nobleman of Madness, Katsura Koutarou, veteran and survivor of the war and leader of the present day Joui Shishi.
In contrast to this formidable introduction, Katsura is far from being a larger than life legendary hero. A former comrade of Gintoki who not only quite literally fought by his side in the Joui war but also studied the ways of the samurai under the same sensei with him, Katsura first appears by attempting to blackmail Gintoki into rejoining him in his fight to expel the Amanto from Japan... and then subsequently almost ends up bombing his own base. With a penchant for cosplay (a self-proclaimed master of disguise) and a tendency to preach on just how a samurai should behave and his serious demeanor belying his often illogical behavior, Katsura is quite capable of delivering a moving speech on human bonds while dressed like Space Captain Harlock. His Joui shishi has its own peculiarities as well, with interviews and exams with math problems involving Jackie Chan's nose and intelligence sharing meetings discussing the latest celebrity gossip.
Despite his seriously absurd and absurdly serious nature, Katsura is indeed a dedicated freedom fighter and a charismatic leader whose followers would continue to fight in his memory (the touching things you discover when you play dead!) and who never lets go or forgets a companion... even the ones that have left his side. He remains a true friend to Gintoki and is always willing to lend a hand even with the Yorozuya's craziest hijinx... especially with the Yorozuya's craziest hijinx. And Katsura has recently softened his unbending violent stand against the Amanto, believing now that perhaps there are other ways to achieving a free Japan.
When not bombing the Amanto and evading the Shinsengumi and repeatedly correcting people on his name ("IT'S NOT ZURA, IT'S KATSURA!", a running joke in the series), Katsura enjoys soba, curry and cute things as proven by Elizabeth, the dear companion of his heart left to him by another former compatriot, Sakamoto Tatsuma. Elizabeth is in fact a large duck-like mysterious entity who communicates with signs and packs a cannon inside.
As I greet the dawn,
Elizabeth's leg hair curls
In the morning dew.
-Katsura Kotarou
SAMPLES
FIRST PERSON:
That we are no longer in Edo should go without saying. Have we mistakenly crept aboard another ship and been taken away again, Elizabeth? No, I do not have any memories from the previous night. That this is an Amanto ploy to hinder my mission to save the country would be the obvious answer. Hence Elizabeth, we must disregard it. A samurai must always look underneath the underneath* as the ancient wisdom goes!
So. We are aboard a ship that is headed to a mysterious direction. I am mostly unharmed and Elizabeth was brought with me...
THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A PLOT TO KIDNAP MY ELIZABETH!
THESE FIENDS SHALL RECEIVE DIVINE PUNISHMENT- NO ELIZABETH I AM NOT SO FOOLISH AS TO SET OFF A BOMB WHILE WE'RE ABOARD A SHIP IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OCEAN.
...I had trouble locating my usual armaments and have had to improvise.
Ah I hear the oncoming rush of our enraged kidnappers now. Let me pen these last few words to you, Elizabeth as they are beginning to look agitated that I am ignoring them in favor of this.
Their foul smell unfurls
Like their fundoshi-
THIRD PERSON:
This feather felt odd in his fingers, breakable in hands that were more used to holding a calligraphy brush like he did his sword. Even the motions were different, etchings instead of smooth strokes and he repeated this observation back to the the furious men that had gathered behind him. These people who were no doubt his captors ignored what would have been a very poetic discussion on writing in favor of throwing a large knife at the back of his head.
Dodging it was a simple task, doing it so that his hair flared out to let the blade cut through it was more difficult. They had to think about the quality after all. They had blown their budget on the 100th episode so dramatic hair action was the most they could do for this scene.
"That nearly hit Elizabeth," he announced in his most ominous tone. (It didn't. It hit the wooden door of the lavatory instead in front of which Katsura had inexplicably chosen to stand his ground. Elizabeth had slid over to the side as the ship listed alarmingly as if anticipating the impending fight) Taking advantage of their appropriately timed gaping at his fluid dodge, he turned into the deceptively relaxed stance he'd learned from childhood. Any warriors trained in combat at all would recognize the tensed wariness under his loose clothing. Katsura almost commented to Elizabeth on it, one must be like a cat sleeping under the peonies, seemingly aware but always asleep** but he had other things to handle right now as one of his enemies reminded him by snorting in laughter at the quill.
"You think you can kill us with that?" the man who obviously had assigned the role of spokesperson to himself jeered and the rest of the ship's crew laughed as one and produced as if from thin air their weapons. Harpoons, giant tridents and cutlasses all glinted sharply back at Katsura and even his quill seemed to want to wilt before the phallic display in front of him. "You think," the man obviously felt he had momentum and large sharp killing objects on his side, "-that your tiny quill can stand up to us? Well impress us, samurai. Dash at us and cut our throats with it!"
Katsura remained silent.
"Well what do you expect us to do then? Throw ourselves on it?" Classic throwaway enemy blunder. Gloating was almost always followed by death. A long moment stretched out, tension mounting every second.
Katsura finally spoke again. "I expect something else entirely."
And yet another five seconds ticked by.
"Would you mind if I try that line again?" Katsura broke his pose and held his chin thoughtfully. "It doesn't quite have the impact I'm looking for." His face brightening up, he stepped forward and said with a menace that hardly matched his earlier expression. "I expect you to die."
Clearly feeling that they were being made fun of, the men as one finally charged at him, the spokesperson's sword coming within a hairsbreadth of the unmoving Katsura's face when they all collapsed with an all too familiar purely anatomical sound chorusing from their stomachs.
"How-" one of them moaned.
Katsura smugly held out his secret weapon, laxatives that were never away from his person, his own laughter ringing out. "You should thank me. You've learned one of the three rules of engagement! Never wage a land war in Asia and never allow Katsura Koutarou near your food unattended!***"
His enemies just groaned from where they were crumpled on the deck, their limbs twitching feebly. His loyal Elizabeth was quick to sweep their weapons from where they had fallen beside their captors and handed them to Katsura.
"Now you see gentlemen, we've come upon a mathematical conundrum here. There are five of you, and there is one toilet and I am guarding the door. Return myself and Elizabeth to Edo now and I will allow you the privilege of keeping your dignity and relieving yourselves privately or---"
His pleased smirk turned into a look of horrified disgust as the men, commendably loyal but regretfully shameless, dropped their trousers and whatever underclothing they wore and-
"DO NOT BARE WHAT IS UNDERNEATH YOUR UNDERNEATH TO THE OPEN SKY, YOU SCUM. IF YOU HAVE HEMORRHOIDS YOU WISH TO CURE DO NOT DO SO IN FRONT OF MY DARLING ELIZABETH."
The rest cannot be written about for the sake of the moderators who will be evaluating this tale.
...
"DON'T LOOK ELIZABETH! DON'T LOOK!"
* A Naruto reference obviously misattributed to the samurai instead of ninjas. Correcting him won't do any good though. It never does.
** It's actually 'seemingly asleep but always aware".
*** Yeah, he gave two rules instead of one. There's just no helping him.