"Don't call it a comebck"
Fuck David Beckham. Fuck Alexei Lalas. Fuck Sky Sports News.
What a depressing succession of utter tedium these three organs of shite are. Yet they're all perfect for each, aren't they? A circle jerk of non-event news stories that nobody in this country in particular should give a crap about.
Sky Sports News really is such an utterly sad state of affairs in the summer. Desperately scraping the bottom of the barrel for news stories so that they're not having to repeat exactly the same thing hour after hour all day, it's got to the point where that little scrolly banner that goes across the bottom of the screen for a newsflash is no longer of any interest. You know what they had going along there a couple of nights ago?
DICKSON ETUHU SIGNS FOR SUNDERLAND
I suppose that's a bit like BBC1 interrupting an episode of Eastenders to tell us that Mr Davis of 9 Polegate Terrace, Kidderminster had just clipped his wing-mirror on a tree backing out of his driveway.
But this Beckham thing has really given them something to do, hasn't it? There's so many FASCINATING aspects to this story that they presume we want to know. As we all know though, presumptions are the mothers of all fuck ups according to some film I'm forgetting the name of right now. They're presuming that we:-
a) Care about the MLS at all.
b) Care what Alexi Lalas has to say.
c) Care about David Beckham at all.
Which, let's face it, the majority of us don't.
Indeed, why would Sky Sports News waste its time reporting on Beckham at all when your average Beckham fan would actually turn on this particular channel about last of all? His face is plastered all over showbiz gossip shows and mainstream news programmes. They can get their Beckham fix there.
The most infuriating thing about all this though is that it has been carte blanche for this simpleton Lalas to get publicity for every lunatic and/or utterly dull statement that he has been able to muster in the last few months.
If you're not familiar with Alexi Lalas, and really you're quite lucky in that regard, let me fill you in. Lalas was a largely crap midfielder in the 90s who earned most of his 'fame' by virtue of the fact that he had rather stupid facial hair and, because of the fact at that point that my pet budgie could have got into the USA national team, he ended up gaining some level of celebrity for his stupid facial hair. A couple of largely unsuccessful stints at a couple of largely dreadful European teams followed and he's now resurfaced as the head honcho at LA Galaxy.
If you want a magnificent, whopping great indictment into what a pretty sorry state the MLS is in, it's the fact that this fool has garnered a pretty large level of importance within the game as a whole. And in managing to secure the services of Beckham (whose interest level in improving the quality and prestige of foot...sorry, SOCCER, in America is obviously very low on his list of priorities, down from things like getting the Cruises round to tell him about this brilliant Scientist thing he's heard so much about and being Punk'd - oh, he can cross that one off the list now apparently) he now has the glare of the world's media in his gormless face.
He hasn't got the stupid goatee beard now so he has to make up for it by saying stupid things instead. Like this:-
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/13091/Lalas-in-blast-at-Premier-League
I think the Premiership is great, right. Yes, I know there's a hierarchy of a few clubs that will probably never be caught making the race for the title mostly predictable every season, but that's beside the point. That's the case in almost every major league around. And yes, it is full of foreigners. So what? I don't care. A lot of them happen to be very good foreigners, Alexi.
Let us be reminded by Mr Lalas that he thinks that the arrival of Beckham, who is a foreigner to the MLS, is going to improve the quality and level of interest of that league. A league, may I add, filled with foreign players. Foreign players that are largely consisted of players that couldn't make it in the European leagues. Foreign players that couldn't attract a Yeovil player to leave that club to join the LA Galaxy.
I've watched quite a few MLS matches. It wasn't the most enthralling experience of my life, I must say. See, going back to Sky Sports News, they seem to be labouring under the mistaken impression that many people over here care at all about the MLS. They even have the league tables and top scorers on their little stats bit at the side of the page. Oh, wait. Is that Juan Pablo Angel, a failed former foreign player from the Premiership practically heading the list of MLS top scorers? Say it ain't so, Alexi!
But the fact is that I don't care. If I want to watch a substandard league filled with players that most couldn't make it in the top European leagues, I'll watch the Scottish league on Setanta. At least that's not plopped away in a 4am slot on Five unlike a certain American league I could name.
Do us a favour, Alexi. Grow the beard again. It makes far more sense than your mouth every will.
Hello, by the way. This was an attempt at shaking what I believe is some minor writer's block.
What a depressing succession of utter tedium these three organs of shite are. Yet they're all perfect for each, aren't they? A circle jerk of non-event news stories that nobody in this country in particular should give a crap about.
Sky Sports News really is such an utterly sad state of affairs in the summer. Desperately scraping the bottom of the barrel for news stories so that they're not having to repeat exactly the same thing hour after hour all day, it's got to the point where that little scrolly banner that goes across the bottom of the screen for a newsflash is no longer of any interest. You know what they had going along there a couple of nights ago?
DICKSON ETUHU SIGNS FOR SUNDERLAND
I suppose that's a bit like BBC1 interrupting an episode of Eastenders to tell us that Mr Davis of 9 Polegate Terrace, Kidderminster had just clipped his wing-mirror on a tree backing out of his driveway.
But this Beckham thing has really given them something to do, hasn't it? There's so many FASCINATING aspects to this story that they presume we want to know. As we all know though, presumptions are the mothers of all fuck ups according to some film I'm forgetting the name of right now. They're presuming that we:-
a) Care about the MLS at all.
b) Care what Alexi Lalas has to say.
c) Care about David Beckham at all.
Which, let's face it, the majority of us don't.
Indeed, why would Sky Sports News waste its time reporting on Beckham at all when your average Beckham fan would actually turn on this particular channel about last of all? His face is plastered all over showbiz gossip shows and mainstream news programmes. They can get their Beckham fix there.
The most infuriating thing about all this though is that it has been carte blanche for this simpleton Lalas to get publicity for every lunatic and/or utterly dull statement that he has been able to muster in the last few months.
If you're not familiar with Alexi Lalas, and really you're quite lucky in that regard, let me fill you in. Lalas was a largely crap midfielder in the 90s who earned most of his 'fame' by virtue of the fact that he had rather stupid facial hair and, because of the fact at that point that my pet budgie could have got into the USA national team, he ended up gaining some level of celebrity for his stupid facial hair. A couple of largely unsuccessful stints at a couple of largely dreadful European teams followed and he's now resurfaced as the head honcho at LA Galaxy.
If you want a magnificent, whopping great indictment into what a pretty sorry state the MLS is in, it's the fact that this fool has garnered a pretty large level of importance within the game as a whole. And in managing to secure the services of Beckham (whose interest level in improving the quality and prestige of foot...sorry, SOCCER, in America is obviously very low on his list of priorities, down from things like getting the Cruises round to tell him about this brilliant Scientist thing he's heard so much about and being Punk'd - oh, he can cross that one off the list now apparently) he now has the glare of the world's media in his gormless face.
He hasn't got the stupid goatee beard now so he has to make up for it by saying stupid things instead. Like this:-
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/13091/Lalas-in-blast-at-Premier-League
I think the Premiership is great, right. Yes, I know there's a hierarchy of a few clubs that will probably never be caught making the race for the title mostly predictable every season, but that's beside the point. That's the case in almost every major league around. And yes, it is full of foreigners. So what? I don't care. A lot of them happen to be very good foreigners, Alexi.
Let us be reminded by Mr Lalas that he thinks that the arrival of Beckham, who is a foreigner to the MLS, is going to improve the quality and level of interest of that league. A league, may I add, filled with foreign players. Foreign players that are largely consisted of players that couldn't make it in the European leagues. Foreign players that couldn't attract a Yeovil player to leave that club to join the LA Galaxy.
I've watched quite a few MLS matches. It wasn't the most enthralling experience of my life, I must say. See, going back to Sky Sports News, they seem to be labouring under the mistaken impression that many people over here care at all about the MLS. They even have the league tables and top scorers on their little stats bit at the side of the page. Oh, wait. Is that Juan Pablo Angel, a failed former foreign player from the Premiership practically heading the list of MLS top scorers? Say it ain't so, Alexi!
But the fact is that I don't care. If I want to watch a substandard league filled with players that most couldn't make it in the top European leagues, I'll watch the Scottish league on Setanta. At least that's not plopped away in a 4am slot on Five unlike a certain American league I could name.
Do us a favour, Alexi. Grow the beard again. It makes far more sense than your mouth every will.
Hello, by the way. This was an attempt at shaking what I believe is some minor writer's block.