(no subject)
Well.
I guess when you're walking and not getting bombarded by crazies who want to tell you their life story at four in the morning and talk about egg salad sandwiches, you're gonna get that .
I wish I was joking. Oh god, do I wish I was joking.
It's not like. Like someone just flashed me on the street. Well, um, fuck.
Okay. So. There was this trailer that was, first of all, the front side was literally all of five feet from the road and even less from where the sidewalk stopped and grass started growing. And the window (I'm sure you can see where this is fucking going) was on the side. It wasn't like way on the side, it was like you could stand on the edge of the sidewalk and reach out and touch this fucking window, okay? If you were in a car, you would have a nice view of this window.
ON THE SIDEWALK THOUGH YOU GET A PORCH PARTIALLY BLOCKING IT. That porch was either put there by Jesus or Satan. I'm not sure which.
So all I could see as I'm walking peacefully is the bottom left corner of the window. It had a light on so I figured, hey, somebody's up making breakfast. Their neighbors all have scattered lights on. Cars have driven by. This is not a sleepy little back road where people never venture. Granted, it's not flooded with people, but there are people up and about.
What do I see? Are you sure you want to know? You have a chance to back out now. Please take it.
...Right-o.
Once I got past the blocking view of that porch, there was movement, so I looked over. Oh, god, I shouldn't have.
THERE IS AN OLD LADY STANDING IN A
WINDOW WITH NO CURTAINS OR BLINDS, NAKED, HOLDING A BRA.
Mind you, in my exploits into the medical field, you get over other people's naked pretty quick. Old people, young people, a human body is a human body. That's different, okay. They generally know you're there and you generally know they're there (unless you're completely high, in which case you might want a different job) and there's naked somewhere.
THIS ONE FUCKING SNUCK UP ON ME.
I HAVE ALMOST NEVER BACKPEDDLED SO QUICKLY IN MY LIFE. IF I HAD DONE IT ANY QUICKER THE
SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM WOULD HAVE RIPPED OPEN AND I'VE ONLY DONE THAT ONCE. IT TOOK FOREVER TO FIX AND YET I DID IT INSTANTLY AT THE SAME TIME. NOT THE POINT.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BLEACH IN THE WORLD
TO CLEANSE MYSELF. I FEEL SO DIRTY RIGHT NOW. SO, SO DIRTY. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A PEEPING TOM EVEN THOUGH I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN STANDING THERE MORE THAN 15 SECONDS OR SO TOTAL IN SHOCK. ALL I WAS THINKING WAS MAYBE THAT I
MIGHT WANT A BAGEL FOR BREAKFAST AND WHAT I NEEDED FOR A CAKE AND THEN BAM AND THEN I JUST KEPT THINKING "OH GOD SOMEONE'S GONNA CALL THE
COPS OH GOD WHOEVER SHE LIVES WITH
PROBABLY OWNS A GUN OH FOR FUCK'S
SAKE DON'T LOOK UP AND SCREAM OR FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY". T_________T
I'M SO SORRY, LITTLE OLD LADY PLEASE BELIEVE MEEEEEE
I guess when you're walking and not getting bombarded by crazies who want to tell you their life story at four in the morning and talk about egg salad sandwiches, you're gonna get that .
I wish I was joking. Oh god, do I wish I was joking.
It's not like. Like someone just flashed me on the street. Well, um, fuck.
Okay. So. There was this trailer that was, first of all, the front side was literally all of five feet from the road and even less from where the sidewalk stopped and grass started growing. And the window (I'm sure you can see where this is fucking going) was on the side. It wasn't like way on the side, it was like you could stand on the edge of the sidewalk and reach out and touch this fucking window, okay? If you were in a car, you would have a nice view of this window.
ON THE SIDEWALK THOUGH YOU GET A PORCH PARTIALLY BLOCKING IT. That porch was either put there by Jesus or Satan. I'm not sure which.
So all I could see as I'm walking peacefully is the bottom left corner of the window. It had a light on so I figured, hey, somebody's up making breakfast. Their neighbors all have scattered lights on. Cars have driven by. This is not a sleepy little back road where people never venture. Granted, it's not flooded with people, but there are people up and about.
What do I see? Are you sure you want to know? You have a chance to back out now. Please take it.
...Right-o.
Once I got past the blocking view of that porch, there was movement, so I looked over. Oh, god, I shouldn't have.
THERE IS AN OLD LADY STANDING IN A
WINDOW WITH NO CURTAINS OR BLINDS, NAKED, HOLDING A BRA.
Mind you, in my exploits into the medical field, you get over other people's naked pretty quick. Old people, young people, a human body is a human body. That's different, okay. They generally know you're there and you generally know they're there (unless you're completely high, in which case you might want a different job) and there's naked somewhere.
THIS ONE FUCKING SNUCK UP ON ME.
I HAVE ALMOST NEVER BACKPEDDLED SO QUICKLY IN MY LIFE. IF I HAD DONE IT ANY QUICKER THE
SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM WOULD HAVE RIPPED OPEN AND I'VE ONLY DONE THAT ONCE. IT TOOK FOREVER TO FIX AND YET I DID IT INSTANTLY AT THE SAME TIME. NOT THE POINT.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BLEACH IN THE WORLD
TO CLEANSE MYSELF. I FEEL SO DIRTY RIGHT NOW. SO, SO DIRTY. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A PEEPING TOM EVEN THOUGH I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN STANDING THERE MORE THAN 15 SECONDS OR SO TOTAL IN SHOCK. ALL I WAS THINKING WAS MAYBE THAT I
MIGHT WANT A BAGEL FOR BREAKFAST AND WHAT I NEEDED FOR A CAKE AND THEN BAM AND THEN I JUST KEPT THINKING "OH GOD SOMEONE'S GONNA CALL THE
COPS OH GOD WHOEVER SHE LIVES WITH
PROBABLY OWNS A GUN OH FOR FUCK'S
SAKE DON'T LOOK UP AND SCREAM OR FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY". T_________T
I'M SO SORRY, LITTLE OLD LADY PLEASE BELIEVE MEEEEEE