Again!
Title: Running Up That Hill
Chapter: 2/3
Pairing: Lucifer/Gabriel, Sam/Gabriel, Lucifer!Sam/Gabriel
Rating: NC-17-ish
Warning: Angst, blasphemy, angel-cest, mansex, religious overtones
Summary: Before the Fall Gabriel and Lucifer were happy, after a long period of deliberation and waiting, Gabriel finally picks a side.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing
Notes: Title comes from this song, which is the main inspiration and theme behind this story. This story is dedicated to entangled_now for being my inspiration in writing just about anything when it comes to angels.
Previous Chapters: here
The Messenger of God saw Gabriel in his true form. He had six hundred wings, each of which covered the horizon. There fell from his wings jewels, pearls and rubies, only God knows about them. ~ Sahih al-Bukhari (8/610, Hadith no. 4856, 4857)
Gabriel woke encased in warmth. His face pressed against damp, hot skin. He stirred, slowly pushing himself up to glance around the room. He looked down beside him to Sam who was still sound asleep. Sam, his lover, his echo. So like Lucifer in so many ways, so different, so human in others. Sam who had made him remember who he was and how much it hurt. The boy king who understood nothing, but smiled and kissed and felt so alive.
Gabriel slid from the bed, he pulled on his jeans and crossed to the window, looking out over the city. He could feel Castiel in the room beside them, he was unmoving, likely transfixed by Dean. So much had changed, the invention and destruction of so much had passed in the blink of an eye. His brothers, his fledge, his lover trapped for eternities below him.
Until he wasn't.
He felt it the moment he burst through. Like light into what little soul he had left. Warm and vibrant. He had run, flew, across the world, trying to piece back together what little angelhood he had left. He got to Ilchester, Maryland as fast as he could, everything in him singing - alive. He followed the tendrils of withered Grace to the chapel, destroyed and empty. He sagged against the walls, coldness filling him, fighting down the warmth of the presence of his mate on Earth. There was a spike, hot and sharp, far away, he was off in a second. He got to the house too late, the vessel gone, the presence withered.
Gabriel had vanished and drowned his sorrows in vengeance.
Sighing, watching in fascination as the condensation spread over the glass, Gabriel traced out the Enochian of Lucifer's name and encircled it in a heart before wiping it away furiously. He was acting like a fledgling again, doe eyed and sprawled on the grass beside Lucifer.
"Gabriel?" Gabriel turned and watched as Sam pushed himself up on one arm and stole a glance at the clock. "It's three in the morning, come back to bed."
Gabriel gave a terse smile and turned from his post at the window, sliding back into bed beside Sam and fitting him easily into his arms. Sam sighed, sleepy and romantic tenancies muddling through his brain. His fingers curled over the waist of Gabriel's jeans and he smoothed his hands over the flawless panel of stomach under his fingers making Gabriel twitch, just slightly.
"Go back to sleep, kiddo."
"'M not tired," Sam countered as he yawned. "Tell me more about your life... Did you ever have any kids?"
Gabriel's smile fell, his mouth twisting in discomfort. "Angels don't have children. Fledglings are made by a union between two angels and a covenant with God to raise it."
"Well... Did you have any?"
"One. Azrael."
Sam lifted his head off of Gabriel's chest, looking at him in sleepy confusion. "The fallen one? Why did your fledgling fall?"
Gabriel inhaled sharply and turned his head away. Sam murmured a quiet apology and pillowed his head back on Gabriel's chest, fingers drawing lazy patterns over the skin, his breathing slowing as he lulled to sleep.
"D'you..." Sam mumbled. "D'you ever miss him?"
Gabriel curled his fingers at the base of Sam's neck, hair threading over and under the digits. "Go to sleep, Sammy."
Sam slept.
***
People gathered on the side of the road, looking on in horror and shock at the girl who lay broken in the middle of the road. Her bike a crumpled heap less than twenty feet from her and the groceries she had bought strewn wildly over the asphalt. Sirens sounded in the distance, but Gabriel knew, even know, that the girl was dead. He waited, looking for the familiar man in a prim black suit to step out from the crowd and take her. Instead a punkish boy, with vibrantly blue hair, dressed in long black shorts, skate shoes and a band shirt shouldered his way through the crowd.
The girl's spirit rose from her body and she looked down at herself in shock before crossing her arms about her in comfort. The boy strode towards her and for a moment Gabriel wondered if he should stop him, embarrass himself like a fool, dressed in the slight woman's form he was using to track down a bastard CEO. Instead he watched, wondering why no one made a move.
The boy looked like he belonged in a metal concert, thrashing around and smoking pot. Not this...
He stopped at the body, the girl and he spoke for a moment and she tried to plead with him, he heard faint gasps of 'no, my mom' but the boy was having none of it. Instead, he offered a hand, tentatively the girl took it, sobbing as she was pulled against his form. Gabriel's mouth fell open when large, arching grey wings curled out from the boy's back and a simple drab brown cloak draped down his form. His hooded head hung down her shoulder and he pressed his chin to the bone. He hugged her tight and his wings enfolded them both. A blackness crept, even darker than the asphalt, under his bare feet, for a moment everything was still and Gabriel sucked in a breath, before there was a downward flicker and they were gone.
"Are you alright, dear?"
Gabriel's head snapped to the elderly woman beside him and then he looked back out to the empty ring of road. "I..."
"You look like you're going to faint."
"I'm alright."
Gabriel lowered a hand he hadn't even realized he had outstretched towards the boy - the one no one else saw.
Azrael.
***
Gabriel walked out of the bathroom towel drying his hair, he gave a faint smile when Sam slid up behind him and kissed his neck.
"You smell good."
"I smell like passion fruit and mango."
Sam's mouth moved over Gabriel's neck as he grinned against the skin. "It smells good."
"You're in a frisky mood tonight, you must have been at the library..."
Sam laughed and turned Gabriel in his arms, his fingers skimming down Gabriel's spine and up over his shoulders. Gabriel stiffened and took hold of Sam's wrists and placed Sam's hands on his hips.
"What have we said about naughty touching?"
Sam put on a thoughtful face as Gabriel backed him into the bed and straddled his waist, his fingers burying into Sam's hair. Sam pressed his mouth to Gabriel's chest in a few short pecks before grazing his teeth over Gabriel's collar bone.
"But you like naughty touching. You're a big fan of the touching that is naughty," Sam breathed against Gabriel's shoulder. His hands slid up Gabriel's hips and over his shoulders, gripping against the firm muscle and bone wickedly.
Gabriel tore away, standing in a huff and leaving Sam sprawled back on the bed. "I said no, Sam."
Nobody got to touch his wing ridges. Nobody except Lucifer.
"I'm sorry Gabriel, I thought maybe you'd like it."
"Well I don't!"
Gabriel grabbed a shirt and pulled it on before turning and vanishing, leaving Sam gaping at air.
***
"Hey, Cas..?"
Castiel rose his head from the book he was reading and looked over at Sam. "Yes?"
"Can I talk to you about something?"
Castiel set the book aside and focused on Sam, giving him his undivided attention. "Of course."
Sam glanced around for Dean, who was out on a food run. "It's about Gabriel." Castiel merely tilted his head in curiosity. "He says he had a fledling once."
"That is entirely possible, Sam. Many angels have fledglings."
Sam nodded and swallowed thickly, fisting his hands in his jeans. "Well... I'm assuming you need two angels to make a fledgling, right?"
"It isn't like intercourse, Sam, but yes. Why?"
"Um..." Sam brushed a hand through his hair. "Does that mean he's married?"
"I..." Castiel's brow furrowed in confusion. "I do not think so. Many angels lost their mates in The War..."
"War?"
"With Lucifer."
"Oh. Right. So... Gabriel was mated before The War?"
"I would assume so, he left after it, it is only logical he had no ties in Heaven so his fledge and his mate must have died."
"That's the thing, Cas... He said his fledgling's name was Azrael... Isn't he the Angel of Death, a fallen angel?"
"Azrael?" Castiel repeated, a frown turning his lips. "That is impossible, Azrael is --"
"I'm back!"
Sam's head whipped around to look at Dean who was balancing a box of food in his arms. Sam looked back at Castiel, who was busy reading the book, as if he had never been interrupted. As Dean rambled on and on about the waitress at the diner, Sam sunk lower in his chair and wondered what the fuck was going on.
***
Sam stirred awake at the sound of muffled arguing. Chancing a look at the clock, he groaned when it displayed 3:44 and rolled back over, pulling a pillow over his head and tried to drown out the sounds from outside.
"--why you are with Samuel Winchester?"
"It's over, Castiel!"
Sam pulled his head out from under the pillow, Gabriel? Pulling himself out of bed slowly, Sam crept over to the cracked window and listened.
"He Fell, that was the end of it."
"Samuel has the right to know who your soulmate is."
"Soulmate? What are you, twelve? I learned a long time ago that there's no such thing. He left me. Left us. I loved him! I loved him with everything I had and more! We had a fledgling together, Castiel! Do you know how many pairs are graced with a fledgling with a purpose as important as Azrael's!?"
"Important purpose?! He drags souls down to Hell!"
"It's his job!"
"If he hadn't rebelled he would be delivering souls to Paradise!"
There was a sound of scuffling before Sam saw as Castiel was slammed against the nearby brick wall. "You don't understand anything, do you? I was there. I was there when they were all cast out. When my soul was ripped to pieces and I was left alone. I was there when Mikhael cast him down into the Pit before my eyes, smirking like the bastard he is! I ran, Castiel, I ran so fast. I flung myself down for him, desperately tried to grab him. He Fell, Castiel. He Fell so far from me... He's gone."
Castiel fell silent and lowered his eyes from Gabriel's defiant, saddened, tear-stained face. "I'm sorry, Gabriel."
Gabriel backed away from Castiel, lowering his arms and his head in defeat. "Yeah. So am I."
"Is that why you are with Samuel? To get him to say yes?"
"He isn't going to say yes. Me telling him my woes of eons past won't change a thing. I just have to live, Castiel. Live and watch them tear each other apart. Watch them cast him down all over again..."
Castiel slid a hand over Gabriel's shoulder in comfort until Gabriel shook him off. "Do you still love him, Gabriel? Do you still love the Morningstar?"
Gabriel said nothing, instead snapped his fingers and vanished. Sam sagged against the wall and sunk to the floor. Lucifer. Lucifer had been Gabriel's mate.
What the hell was he supposed to do?
***
Sam grunted when his hips were pulled up further, his legs slinging around Gabriel's waist with ease. The dishwater blond had his face buried in Sam's chest, teeth grazing over the sweat damp skin, tonguing the beads that rolled down. Sam tangled a hand into Gabriel's hair, tugging on it roughly, pulling his head back to look into his wild, defiant eyes and kissed him, hard and needy. Sam knew he couldn't replace him - Lucifer but he could try.
Gasping, Sam trembled, trying to fight the inevitable. With a snarl and a rough push from Gabriel, however, Sam's head thudded back against the headboard and he was coming. Moments later with gritted teeth Gabriel pushed up hard and was coming. They fell loose and messy against the bed and Sam laughed, giddy with his orgasmic high. He pressed his face to Gabriel's shoulder and slung a leg around him, pulling him close, possessively.
"Mine."
Gabriel gave a thin smile and played a moment with Sam's hair. "I'm mine, Sammy."
Sam nuzzled against Gabriel a moment, kissing him languidly, pulling away, smiling, all lazy and sated. "I love you."
Before Sam could even blink Gabriel was gone, leaving him alone, sweat-dampened and feeling like a fool.
***
Days and then a week passed without seeing Gabriel. Sam knew he was still looking out for him though. Every so often he would wake to find candy wrappers at the foot of his bed, or to find a new, helpful book on some life threatening situation in his bag. He and Castiel never spoke about it, and if Castiel knew why Gabriel had vanished, he wasn't saying a word.
Sam laid awake in bed at night, feeling like the world's biggest idiot.
He couldn't be with Gabriel - Gabriel who had chosen him in the convoluted hopes that he would say yes. Gabriel who had the chance to run off and be with Lucifer at any time, but instead stayed with him. It made no sense.
If Gabriel had told him the truth he knew he wouldn't have ever said yes. But Gabriel hadn't told him, even for a moment's hope, and that was what confused Sam the most. Why?
Was it because he was the true vessel? Was it some perverse way of being with Lucifer while not being with him? Did he have Lucifer like qualities? Or did Gabriel love him for being him? Did Gabriel love him at all?
Sam heard the door in the other room shut and he crept across the hall and snuck inside. Castiel was prodding at a pile of twinkies on the table and looked up when Sam walked in. He averted his eyes and Sam sighed. This was going to be a fun conversation...
"Do you know where Gabriel is?"
"No."
"Do you know why he left?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
Castiel looked up from the golden brown snack food and peered at Sam, tilted his head a moment and studied him. "He is... unhappy."
"With me?"
"He would not say. He just said he needed space."
Sam nodded and strode out of the room.
Re-entering his room, Sam shut the door and locked it and then put on the chain. He removed his shirt and his boots and padded through the room barefoot and dressed in his worn jeans. He ran his hands through his hair, pacing until he was sure he would drop right through the floor. He thought about grabbing his things and running, just giving up on the whole apocalypse; about using magic to summon Gabriel; about screaming until his throat was raw and he had nothing left in him to give.
But he did have something to give. A whole body. A body which could be used to make Gabriel happy. That's all he wanted, right? To make Gabriel happy?
Sam sat on the edge of the bed, bouncing his leg anxiously, before standing up and resuming his pacing. He took one of his notebooks and flipped it open to a blank page. He tapped the pen against the booklet in frustration before flinging it across the room and tossing the notebook aside.
He wanted to run screaming off the balcony. To take the nearest gun from his bag and just end it. To rip at his flesh until all he had was exposed and bleeding out for the world to see.
He got up and walked over to the window, pressing his hands against the glass and staring down at the world below. The world which despite all its bullshit was still something beautiful and ignorantly blissful. His fingers slid down the glass, making quiet noise when he scraped his nails against the frame.
Sam closed his eyes and let his forehead rest against the cool, smooth glass. He let the tension fall from his body and simply felt everything; the oddly soft, warm carpet beneath his feet, the cold, refreshing glass against his body. He heard the faint noise of cars and talk from outside and the dull noise of the TV next door.
"Yes."
Chapter: 2/3
Pairing: Lucifer/Gabriel, Sam/Gabriel, Lucifer!Sam/Gabriel
Rating: NC-17-ish
Warning: Angst, blasphemy, angel-cest, mansex, religious overtones
Summary: Before the Fall Gabriel and Lucifer were happy, after a long period of deliberation and waiting, Gabriel finally picks a side.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing
Notes: Title comes from this song, which is the main inspiration and theme behind this story. This story is dedicated to entangled_now for being my inspiration in writing just about anything when it comes to angels.
Previous Chapters: here
The Messenger of God saw Gabriel in his true form. He had six hundred wings, each of which covered the horizon. There fell from his wings jewels, pearls and rubies, only God knows about them. ~ Sahih al-Bukhari (8/610, Hadith no. 4856, 4857)
Gabriel woke encased in warmth. His face pressed against damp, hot skin. He stirred, slowly pushing himself up to glance around the room. He looked down beside him to Sam who was still sound asleep. Sam, his lover, his echo. So like Lucifer in so many ways, so different, so human in others. Sam who had made him remember who he was and how much it hurt. The boy king who understood nothing, but smiled and kissed and felt so alive.
Gabriel slid from the bed, he pulled on his jeans and crossed to the window, looking out over the city. He could feel Castiel in the room beside them, he was unmoving, likely transfixed by Dean. So much had changed, the invention and destruction of so much had passed in the blink of an eye. His brothers, his fledge, his lover trapped for eternities below him.
Until he wasn't.
He felt it the moment he burst through. Like light into what little soul he had left. Warm and vibrant. He had run, flew, across the world, trying to piece back together what little angelhood he had left. He got to Ilchester, Maryland as fast as he could, everything in him singing - alive. He followed the tendrils of withered Grace to the chapel, destroyed and empty. He sagged against the walls, coldness filling him, fighting down the warmth of the presence of his mate on Earth. There was a spike, hot and sharp, far away, he was off in a second. He got to the house too late, the vessel gone, the presence withered.
Gabriel had vanished and drowned his sorrows in vengeance.
Sighing, watching in fascination as the condensation spread over the glass, Gabriel traced out the Enochian of Lucifer's name and encircled it in a heart before wiping it away furiously. He was acting like a fledgling again, doe eyed and sprawled on the grass beside Lucifer.
"Gabriel?" Gabriel turned and watched as Sam pushed himself up on one arm and stole a glance at the clock. "It's three in the morning, come back to bed."
Gabriel gave a terse smile and turned from his post at the window, sliding back into bed beside Sam and fitting him easily into his arms. Sam sighed, sleepy and romantic tenancies muddling through his brain. His fingers curled over the waist of Gabriel's jeans and he smoothed his hands over the flawless panel of stomach under his fingers making Gabriel twitch, just slightly.
"Go back to sleep, kiddo."
"'M not tired," Sam countered as he yawned. "Tell me more about your life... Did you ever have any kids?"
Gabriel's smile fell, his mouth twisting in discomfort. "Angels don't have children. Fledglings are made by a union between two angels and a covenant with God to raise it."
"Well... Did you have any?"
"One. Azrael."
Sam lifted his head off of Gabriel's chest, looking at him in sleepy confusion. "The fallen one? Why did your fledgling fall?"
Gabriel inhaled sharply and turned his head away. Sam murmured a quiet apology and pillowed his head back on Gabriel's chest, fingers drawing lazy patterns over the skin, his breathing slowing as he lulled to sleep.
"D'you..." Sam mumbled. "D'you ever miss him?"
Gabriel curled his fingers at the base of Sam's neck, hair threading over and under the digits. "Go to sleep, Sammy."
Sam slept.
***
People gathered on the side of the road, looking on in horror and shock at the girl who lay broken in the middle of the road. Her bike a crumpled heap less than twenty feet from her and the groceries she had bought strewn wildly over the asphalt. Sirens sounded in the distance, but Gabriel knew, even know, that the girl was dead. He waited, looking for the familiar man in a prim black suit to step out from the crowd and take her. Instead a punkish boy, with vibrantly blue hair, dressed in long black shorts, skate shoes and a band shirt shouldered his way through the crowd.
The girl's spirit rose from her body and she looked down at herself in shock before crossing her arms about her in comfort. The boy strode towards her and for a moment Gabriel wondered if he should stop him, embarrass himself like a fool, dressed in the slight woman's form he was using to track down a bastard CEO. Instead he watched, wondering why no one made a move.
The boy looked like he belonged in a metal concert, thrashing around and smoking pot. Not this...
He stopped at the body, the girl and he spoke for a moment and she tried to plead with him, he heard faint gasps of 'no, my mom' but the boy was having none of it. Instead, he offered a hand, tentatively the girl took it, sobbing as she was pulled against his form. Gabriel's mouth fell open when large, arching grey wings curled out from the boy's back and a simple drab brown cloak draped down his form. His hooded head hung down her shoulder and he pressed his chin to the bone. He hugged her tight and his wings enfolded them both. A blackness crept, even darker than the asphalt, under his bare feet, for a moment everything was still and Gabriel sucked in a breath, before there was a downward flicker and they were gone.
"Are you alright, dear?"
Gabriel's head snapped to the elderly woman beside him and then he looked back out to the empty ring of road. "I..."
"You look like you're going to faint."
"I'm alright."
Gabriel lowered a hand he hadn't even realized he had outstretched towards the boy - the one no one else saw.
Azrael.
***
Gabriel walked out of the bathroom towel drying his hair, he gave a faint smile when Sam slid up behind him and kissed his neck.
"You smell good."
"I smell like passion fruit and mango."
Sam's mouth moved over Gabriel's neck as he grinned against the skin. "It smells good."
"You're in a frisky mood tonight, you must have been at the library..."
Sam laughed and turned Gabriel in his arms, his fingers skimming down Gabriel's spine and up over his shoulders. Gabriel stiffened and took hold of Sam's wrists and placed Sam's hands on his hips.
"What have we said about naughty touching?"
Sam put on a thoughtful face as Gabriel backed him into the bed and straddled his waist, his fingers burying into Sam's hair. Sam pressed his mouth to Gabriel's chest in a few short pecks before grazing his teeth over Gabriel's collar bone.
"But you like naughty touching. You're a big fan of the touching that is naughty," Sam breathed against Gabriel's shoulder. His hands slid up Gabriel's hips and over his shoulders, gripping against the firm muscle and bone wickedly.
Gabriel tore away, standing in a huff and leaving Sam sprawled back on the bed. "I said no, Sam."
Nobody got to touch his wing ridges. Nobody except Lucifer.
"I'm sorry Gabriel, I thought maybe you'd like it."
"Well I don't!"
Gabriel grabbed a shirt and pulled it on before turning and vanishing, leaving Sam gaping at air.
***
"Hey, Cas..?"
Castiel rose his head from the book he was reading and looked over at Sam. "Yes?"
"Can I talk to you about something?"
Castiel set the book aside and focused on Sam, giving him his undivided attention. "Of course."
Sam glanced around for Dean, who was out on a food run. "It's about Gabriel." Castiel merely tilted his head in curiosity. "He says he had a fledling once."
"That is entirely possible, Sam. Many angels have fledglings."
Sam nodded and swallowed thickly, fisting his hands in his jeans. "Well... I'm assuming you need two angels to make a fledgling, right?"
"It isn't like intercourse, Sam, but yes. Why?"
"Um..." Sam brushed a hand through his hair. "Does that mean he's married?"
"I..." Castiel's brow furrowed in confusion. "I do not think so. Many angels lost their mates in The War..."
"War?"
"With Lucifer."
"Oh. Right. So... Gabriel was mated before The War?"
"I would assume so, he left after it, it is only logical he had no ties in Heaven so his fledge and his mate must have died."
"That's the thing, Cas... He said his fledgling's name was Azrael... Isn't he the Angel of Death, a fallen angel?"
"Azrael?" Castiel repeated, a frown turning his lips. "That is impossible, Azrael is --"
"I'm back!"
Sam's head whipped around to look at Dean who was balancing a box of food in his arms. Sam looked back at Castiel, who was busy reading the book, as if he had never been interrupted. As Dean rambled on and on about the waitress at the diner, Sam sunk lower in his chair and wondered what the fuck was going on.
***
Sam stirred awake at the sound of muffled arguing. Chancing a look at the clock, he groaned when it displayed 3:44 and rolled back over, pulling a pillow over his head and tried to drown out the sounds from outside.
"--why you are with Samuel Winchester?"
"It's over, Castiel!"
Sam pulled his head out from under the pillow, Gabriel? Pulling himself out of bed slowly, Sam crept over to the cracked window and listened.
"He Fell, that was the end of it."
"Samuel has the right to know who your soulmate is."
"Soulmate? What are you, twelve? I learned a long time ago that there's no such thing. He left me. Left us. I loved him! I loved him with everything I had and more! We had a fledgling together, Castiel! Do you know how many pairs are graced with a fledgling with a purpose as important as Azrael's!?"
"Important purpose?! He drags souls down to Hell!"
"It's his job!"
"If he hadn't rebelled he would be delivering souls to Paradise!"
There was a sound of scuffling before Sam saw as Castiel was slammed against the nearby brick wall. "You don't understand anything, do you? I was there. I was there when they were all cast out. When my soul was ripped to pieces and I was left alone. I was there when Mikhael cast him down into the Pit before my eyes, smirking like the bastard he is! I ran, Castiel, I ran so fast. I flung myself down for him, desperately tried to grab him. He Fell, Castiel. He Fell so far from me... He's gone."
Castiel fell silent and lowered his eyes from Gabriel's defiant, saddened, tear-stained face. "I'm sorry, Gabriel."
Gabriel backed away from Castiel, lowering his arms and his head in defeat. "Yeah. So am I."
"Is that why you are with Samuel? To get him to say yes?"
"He isn't going to say yes. Me telling him my woes of eons past won't change a thing. I just have to live, Castiel. Live and watch them tear each other apart. Watch them cast him down all over again..."
Castiel slid a hand over Gabriel's shoulder in comfort until Gabriel shook him off. "Do you still love him, Gabriel? Do you still love the Morningstar?"
Gabriel said nothing, instead snapped his fingers and vanished. Sam sagged against the wall and sunk to the floor. Lucifer. Lucifer had been Gabriel's mate.
What the hell was he supposed to do?
***
Sam grunted when his hips were pulled up further, his legs slinging around Gabriel's waist with ease. The dishwater blond had his face buried in Sam's chest, teeth grazing over the sweat damp skin, tonguing the beads that rolled down. Sam tangled a hand into Gabriel's hair, tugging on it roughly, pulling his head back to look into his wild, defiant eyes and kissed him, hard and needy. Sam knew he couldn't replace him - Lucifer but he could try.
Gasping, Sam trembled, trying to fight the inevitable. With a snarl and a rough push from Gabriel, however, Sam's head thudded back against the headboard and he was coming. Moments later with gritted teeth Gabriel pushed up hard and was coming. They fell loose and messy against the bed and Sam laughed, giddy with his orgasmic high. He pressed his face to Gabriel's shoulder and slung a leg around him, pulling him close, possessively.
"Mine."
Gabriel gave a thin smile and played a moment with Sam's hair. "I'm mine, Sammy."
Sam nuzzled against Gabriel a moment, kissing him languidly, pulling away, smiling, all lazy and sated. "I love you."
Before Sam could even blink Gabriel was gone, leaving him alone, sweat-dampened and feeling like a fool.
***
Days and then a week passed without seeing Gabriel. Sam knew he was still looking out for him though. Every so often he would wake to find candy wrappers at the foot of his bed, or to find a new, helpful book on some life threatening situation in his bag. He and Castiel never spoke about it, and if Castiel knew why Gabriel had vanished, he wasn't saying a word.
Sam laid awake in bed at night, feeling like the world's biggest idiot.
He couldn't be with Gabriel - Gabriel who had chosen him in the convoluted hopes that he would say yes. Gabriel who had the chance to run off and be with Lucifer at any time, but instead stayed with him. It made no sense.
If Gabriel had told him the truth he knew he wouldn't have ever said yes. But Gabriel hadn't told him, even for a moment's hope, and that was what confused Sam the most. Why?
Was it because he was the true vessel? Was it some perverse way of being with Lucifer while not being with him? Did he have Lucifer like qualities? Or did Gabriel love him for being him? Did Gabriel love him at all?
Sam heard the door in the other room shut and he crept across the hall and snuck inside. Castiel was prodding at a pile of twinkies on the table and looked up when Sam walked in. He averted his eyes and Sam sighed. This was going to be a fun conversation...
"Do you know where Gabriel is?"
"No."
"Do you know why he left?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
Castiel looked up from the golden brown snack food and peered at Sam, tilted his head a moment and studied him. "He is... unhappy."
"With me?"
"He would not say. He just said he needed space."
Sam nodded and strode out of the room.
Re-entering his room, Sam shut the door and locked it and then put on the chain. He removed his shirt and his boots and padded through the room barefoot and dressed in his worn jeans. He ran his hands through his hair, pacing until he was sure he would drop right through the floor. He thought about grabbing his things and running, just giving up on the whole apocalypse; about using magic to summon Gabriel; about screaming until his throat was raw and he had nothing left in him to give.
But he did have something to give. A whole body. A body which could be used to make Gabriel happy. That's all he wanted, right? To make Gabriel happy?
Sam sat on the edge of the bed, bouncing his leg anxiously, before standing up and resuming his pacing. He took one of his notebooks and flipped it open to a blank page. He tapped the pen against the booklet in frustration before flinging it across the room and tossing the notebook aside.
He wanted to run screaming off the balcony. To take the nearest gun from his bag and just end it. To rip at his flesh until all he had was exposed and bleeding out for the world to see.
He got up and walked over to the window, pressing his hands against the glass and staring down at the world below. The world which despite all its bullshit was still something beautiful and ignorantly blissful. His fingers slid down the glass, making quiet noise when he scraped his nails against the frame.
Sam closed his eyes and let his forehead rest against the cool, smooth glass. He let the tension fall from his body and simply felt everything; the oddly soft, warm carpet beneath his feet, the cold, refreshing glass against his body. He heard the faint noise of cars and talk from outside and the dull noise of the TV next door.
"Yes."