(no subject)
Fandom, I think you've known me long enough to know that I usually stay out of conflict. It's not really my thing. But in this particular instance, I feel like sitting down and shutting up is, in fact, making me a little complicit in what's going on, and so I wanted to say a few, brief, things.
I'm going to cut this for discussion of sexual assault etc. - please be aware that materials behind the cut may be triggering.
I know that I don't attend Wincon - or any other con for that matter! - and that I wasn't a participant in any of the things that went on. But I still care, both because of the bigger picture and because I think we have an obligation to do right by all members of our community, not just the ones who yell the loudest.
So, in no particular order:
1. In the real world, unlike in fandom, there is no such thing as dubious consent. Dubious consent isn't consent. You give consent or you don't. And since this is something that a large segment of the population seems to be fuzzy on, you are allowed to change your mind. Saying, "Sure, I want to go into your house and have sex!" does not negate anything you say after it. Permission can be taken away at any time, and saying, "I am uncomfortable in this situation and no longer want to be a part of it," means that consent no longer exists. And as an addendum? People cannot give consent while extremely intoxicated. And the, "Suzie Q should not have had so much to drink and thus is culpable too," argument is completely and totally ridiculous, for reasons that I deeply hope are obvious.
2. While rape has a relatively narrow definition, sexual assault doesn't in many states. Coercing someone else into a sexual situation that they do not want to be a part of is not just uncomfortable or morally dubious, it's illegal. I've seen a lot of people in fandom imply that sexual assault is limited to inappropriate touching or physical contact. It's not. Making someone else watch sexual acts that they do not want to watch is, guess what, illegal.
3. As someone in a position of authority who potentially might work with victims of sexual assault or rape, I want to point out for posterity that the "pics or it didn't happen!" demands that I keep seeing are not morally, ethically, or legally valid. Both the perpetrator of sexual assault and the victim are entitled to the right to privacy. Either - or both - of those parties may choose to waive that right and discuss their opinion of what happened, but a third party (e.g. a college, a counselor, an employer) cannot breach that confidentiality, even to the other party. While I am not sure of the legal specifics surrounding this particular situation, I can say that from an ethical standpoint, it would be wrong for the Wincon mods to respond to any requests for proof, and possibly even not legal, if there is a confidentiality clause anywhere in con documentation. They are doing the ethical, moral, and probably legal thing by refusing to respond. It's not a choice; they are literally obligated not to give up any information regarding either party.
4. Can we please stop with the blame-the-victim, the-burden-of-proof-lies-with-the-victim, your-word-is-not-enough-proof attitude? Fandom, you're better than this.
ETA: To go along with point 4, a chart, modified from something that my friend sheafrotherdon has posted repeatedly:
I'm going to cut this for discussion of sexual assault etc. - please be aware that materials behind the cut may be triggering.
I know that I don't attend Wincon - or any other con for that matter! - and that I wasn't a participant in any of the things that went on. But I still care, both because of the bigger picture and because I think we have an obligation to do right by all members of our community, not just the ones who yell the loudest.
So, in no particular order:
1. In the real world, unlike in fandom, there is no such thing as dubious consent. Dubious consent isn't consent. You give consent or you don't. And since this is something that a large segment of the population seems to be fuzzy on, you are allowed to change your mind. Saying, "Sure, I want to go into your house and have sex!" does not negate anything you say after it. Permission can be taken away at any time, and saying, "I am uncomfortable in this situation and no longer want to be a part of it," means that consent no longer exists. And as an addendum? People cannot give consent while extremely intoxicated. And the, "Suzie Q should not have had so much to drink and thus is culpable too," argument is completely and totally ridiculous, for reasons that I deeply hope are obvious.
2. While rape has a relatively narrow definition, sexual assault doesn't in many states. Coercing someone else into a sexual situation that they do not want to be a part of is not just uncomfortable or morally dubious, it's illegal. I've seen a lot of people in fandom imply that sexual assault is limited to inappropriate touching or physical contact. It's not. Making someone else watch sexual acts that they do not want to watch is, guess what, illegal.
3. As someone in a position of authority who potentially might work with victims of sexual assault or rape, I want to point out for posterity that the "pics or it didn't happen!" demands that I keep seeing are not morally, ethically, or legally valid. Both the perpetrator of sexual assault and the victim are entitled to the right to privacy. Either - or both - of those parties may choose to waive that right and discuss their opinion of what happened, but a third party (e.g. a college, a counselor, an employer) cannot breach that confidentiality, even to the other party. While I am not sure of the legal specifics surrounding this particular situation, I can say that from an ethical standpoint, it would be wrong for the Wincon mods to respond to any requests for proof, and possibly even not legal, if there is a confidentiality clause anywhere in con documentation. They are doing the ethical, moral, and probably legal thing by refusing to respond. It's not a choice; they are literally obligated not to give up any information regarding either party.
4. Can we please stop with the blame-the-victim, the-burden-of-proof-lies-with-the-victim, your-word-is-not-enough-proof attitude? Fandom, you're better than this.
ETA: To go along with point 4, a chart, modified from something that my friend sheafrotherdon has posted repeatedly: