(no subject)
On two of our mutual acquaintances, names changed to protect the totally not innocent:
"So you know I hate her, but John and I went out to lunch last week and they invited themselves along."
"She does tend to do that, yeah."
"And we're talking about masturbation, because seriously, I'm not getting any, he's not getting any, so it's like -"
"Honey, that's all you talk about anyway."
"True, but at least we were having a totally educational discussion about porn."
"Oh, porn."
"And she comes back just before my salad gets there, sits down, and is like, to Nathan, 'Ew, honey, that's so disgusting, I know you don't do that sort of thing.'"
"Oh god."
"And he's like, 'Of course not, sweetheart! You know I'm not into that at all!'"
"Are we sure he's male?"
"No, wait for it. So she leaves to go to the bathroom, and he turns to me and says, 'So, did you get that link I sent you last week? I jerked off like five times to it on Sunday.'"
"...their relationship gives me hope for humanity."
"The best part of this is what she says to John after dessert."
"Hit me."
" 'You know, I think you should try to be more like my boyfriend. If you just exercised a little self-control, I'm sure you could have a really honest, healthy relationship!' "
"So you know I hate her, but John and I went out to lunch last week and they invited themselves along."
"She does tend to do that, yeah."
"And we're talking about masturbation, because seriously, I'm not getting any, he's not getting any, so it's like -"
"Honey, that's all you talk about anyway."
"True, but at least we were having a totally educational discussion about porn."
"Oh, porn."
"And she comes back just before my salad gets there, sits down, and is like, to Nathan, 'Ew, honey, that's so disgusting, I know you don't do that sort of thing.'"
"Oh god."
"And he's like, 'Of course not, sweetheart! You know I'm not into that at all!'"
"Are we sure he's male?"
"No, wait for it. So she leaves to go to the bathroom, and he turns to me and says, 'So, did you get that link I sent you last week? I jerked off like five times to it on Sunday.'"
"...their relationship gives me hope for humanity."
"The best part of this is what she says to John after dessert."
"Hit me."
" 'You know, I think you should try to be more like my boyfriend. If you just exercised a little self-control, I'm sure you could have a really honest, healthy relationship!' "