B/C I Love You, Here's My Sports Column...
Volume 71, Issue 95, Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Sports
Making prospects look good is good TV
Seth Mintz
I have a great new reality series that combines the ridiculousness of MTV with the sports of ESPN. I call it Pimp My Prospect and it stars any college athlete who's looking to be drafted.
I'll be the host like Xzibit. Just before it's time for a player to be drafted I will make them over, giving them the image that will help them be drafted in the highest round possible. And like Pimp My Ride, I will dramatically change the life of the prospect, with a multi-million dollar contract, not just a souped-up car.
Because the NFL draft is nearing, my inaugural participants will include three very interesting prospects: Vince Young, Matt Lienart, and Jeremy Bloom.
So why did I pick Young, Lienart, and Bloom? Well, Young and Lienart were no-brainer choices and everyone cares about them right now. Jeremy Bloom will be the steal of the NFL draft. Get ready to meet the next Dante Hall, or for Texans fans, the next Jerome Mathis.
It's not just about what these kids accomplished in college. While it's important to have a good college career, these days potential and marketability is equally a key to where collegians will be taken in the draft.
For Vince Young, I will make him so popular and loved, that his hometown team will have no choice but to draft him. There is no bigger name in sports than Vince Young right now. I will send him to the Super Bowl, the NBA All-Star game, and anywhere and everywhere that gets his name out.
Matt Lienart is the easiest one to pimp. He's the prototypical prospect and had an amazing college career. Like Young, I will have Lienart make many appearances at star-studded events because the ladies love him and he's popular with everyone. Lienart will also do smart and funny commercials for ESPN, that will help his name nationally.
Bloom is the one that needs to be pimped out the hardest. It's hard to tell where he'll be drafted, but Bloom will be a huge steal for whatever team takes him. He had all the makings of becoming one of college football's best receivers because he has good hands and ungodly speed, but because of his love for Olympic sports, Bloom was not allowed to finish playing college football because he got sponsors so he could compete in Olympic events such as the Moguls. College athletes are not allowed to have sponsors, even if it's for something noble like the Olympics.
Bloom will have lots of recognition from the Olympics. People will see that he's a really cool guy who's willing to give up something he loves for a little while to go after Olympic gold. He will be one of those guys who can make GMs cry in their sleep because many teams will pass up on him.
At the end of each episode I will take each prospect and bring them to a big board room, where there will be a surprise waiting for them. My team and I will unveil to them their professional contract with the team that drafts them. I will hand them a pen and say my catchphrase "you've been pimped, prospect." They will sign their contract, with everyone cheering around them.
Yes, this show doesn't exist. It never will, which is too bad because these guys' lives would make for some fantastic television. Though, if you follow the lives of Bloom, Young, and Lienart, it seems like their agents and advisors are basically doing all of this. So even if my show doesn't really exist, in a way it does. If you're an athlete looking to be drafted, get ready. You'll be pimped real soon.
Sports
Making prospects look good is good TV
Seth Mintz
I have a great new reality series that combines the ridiculousness of MTV with the sports of ESPN. I call it Pimp My Prospect and it stars any college athlete who's looking to be drafted.
I'll be the host like Xzibit. Just before it's time for a player to be drafted I will make them over, giving them the image that will help them be drafted in the highest round possible. And like Pimp My Ride, I will dramatically change the life of the prospect, with a multi-million dollar contract, not just a souped-up car.
Because the NFL draft is nearing, my inaugural participants will include three very interesting prospects: Vince Young, Matt Lienart, and Jeremy Bloom.
So why did I pick Young, Lienart, and Bloom? Well, Young and Lienart were no-brainer choices and everyone cares about them right now. Jeremy Bloom will be the steal of the NFL draft. Get ready to meet the next Dante Hall, or for Texans fans, the next Jerome Mathis.
It's not just about what these kids accomplished in college. While it's important to have a good college career, these days potential and marketability is equally a key to where collegians will be taken in the draft.
For Vince Young, I will make him so popular and loved, that his hometown team will have no choice but to draft him. There is no bigger name in sports than Vince Young right now. I will send him to the Super Bowl, the NBA All-Star game, and anywhere and everywhere that gets his name out.
Matt Lienart is the easiest one to pimp. He's the prototypical prospect and had an amazing college career. Like Young, I will have Lienart make many appearances at star-studded events because the ladies love him and he's popular with everyone. Lienart will also do smart and funny commercials for ESPN, that will help his name nationally.
Bloom is the one that needs to be pimped out the hardest. It's hard to tell where he'll be drafted, but Bloom will be a huge steal for whatever team takes him. He had all the makings of becoming one of college football's best receivers because he has good hands and ungodly speed, but because of his love for Olympic sports, Bloom was not allowed to finish playing college football because he got sponsors so he could compete in Olympic events such as the Moguls. College athletes are not allowed to have sponsors, even if it's for something noble like the Olympics.
Bloom will have lots of recognition from the Olympics. People will see that he's a really cool guy who's willing to give up something he loves for a little while to go after Olympic gold. He will be one of those guys who can make GMs cry in their sleep because many teams will pass up on him.
At the end of each episode I will take each prospect and bring them to a big board room, where there will be a surprise waiting for them. My team and I will unveil to them their professional contract with the team that drafts them. I will hand them a pen and say my catchphrase "you've been pimped, prospect." They will sign their contract, with everyone cheering around them.
Yes, this show doesn't exist. It never will, which is too bad because these guys' lives would make for some fantastic television. Though, if you follow the lives of Bloom, Young, and Lienart, it seems like their agents and advisors are basically doing all of this. So even if my show doesn't really exist, in a way it does. If you're an athlete looking to be drafted, get ready. You'll be pimped real soon.