So...here I am...
So...here I am...getting ready to move this Saturday, Sara and I are packing boxes, stuffing clothes into Garbage bags for packing...ya know the normal moving stuff...then...I find them...first I find the Favor that Barak gave me, at the bottom of it he had a special arrow head hanging off of it and at the last event I went to it got caught in the door and ripped off and I thought that I lost it...
So of course I went to Barak right away and told him what happened, telling him how sorry I was and how upset I am at myself for done this...he smiles at me pats me on the shoulder and tells me it is ok that it is just a..and I quote a " thing " and not to worry about it he knows that I did not do it on purpose and he saw how upset I was about it...Later at the event when we were packing up to leave I found the arrow head in the door of my car...of all places!
I never had the chance to tell barak that I found the arrow head. So here I am packing up and I find the favor and the arrow head beside it, stunned I just stood there looking at it...the next thing I knew I got a needle and thread and started resewing the head back on the favor.
Ok...no big deal, I can handle that, fix favor..done. I feel better now.
Then I go and clean out one of our closets and I find IT! the last thing barak gave me...
a gold Asian kimono with gold threaded dragons all over it with Asian coins for buttons, that was made for him when he became king...
He tried to give it to me at the last Sealion over in Lionsgate, he told me who made it for him and why ( it was Low by the way ) and I told him that I could not accept such a wonderful gift not one that was so beautiful and meant so much to him. He told me that he wanted me to have it cause I have a Japanese persona and that he thought that I deserved it and he did not want anyone but me to have it...
Still I could not in good conscious take such a gift, so he tells me " how about this...you take it now as a loaner and if I ever want it back or need it I will let you know " I thought about this and was more comfortable with that...so I accepted the " Loan " and brought it home, being TOTALLY paranoid of wrecking it somehow...LOL...
So I put it in my closet away from other clothes that might snag on it or harm it in some way and there it hung for months and months, and I totaly forgot about it. so when I was packing and find it, it hits me like a mac truck! I just stood there fealing kinda dizzy. I had never once considered ever wearing it or even putting it on for after all it was made for a KING...and I am no king...and there it was in front of me still...and I came to the realization that he would not be asking for it back from me...ever...so I decide to put it on for the first time. I unbutton the coins slip it over shoulders and rebutton it up. I stand in front of the mirror expecting it not to fit for I was taller than Barak, but damn it...it fit perfectly...
And I think that is when it really hit me...as to how much I am really really gonna miss Barak, I can still hear his laugh...see his smile. Man...I really hate it when I lose friends...
So then I start thinking man...if I am this sad about it, and I only knew him for 2 years...how are others handling it...people like Tina and Magnus, or his brothers in Ravensfury, or his brother knights that all knew him way better and way longer than I...
Then I think of poor Annaka who I think has it worse than most, I read her posts seeing that she is suffering but surviving...mainly because she is a damn strong woman.
All this sorrow around, I have not had any desire to pick up my sword, no desire to go to fight practice...nothing...I just feal so numb when it comes to fighting now, I was realy looking forward to him comming back out to fight practice and push us like he used to...before I would look at my armor bag and be all excited about the next fight practice or to step up my training a bit to get ready for the next tourny...now when I look at my armor bag...I don't feal anything at all...kind of a " meh " fealing...
So I guess I am writing this for a few reasons...one is to say how sorry I feal for everyone who has lost a good friend as Barak, and two to finally realize as to how much I liked the guy and as to how much I am realy gonna miss him...
Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to glorify him or put him on a pedestal, I knew Baraks faults as well as anyone, but I also knew is good points, and personaly I think his good points outweighed his bad ones...he was a loyal friend and a good person...and in the end isn't that all that matters?
There are some people out there who are mad at him for things he did in the past, things he did...things he said, but can't they just get past that and remember the good times they had with him...after all they became friends with him in the first place...there had to be a reason for that...
They should just remember those reasons...nuff said.
So of course I went to Barak right away and told him what happened, telling him how sorry I was and how upset I am at myself for done this...he smiles at me pats me on the shoulder and tells me it is ok that it is just a..and I quote a " thing " and not to worry about it he knows that I did not do it on purpose and he saw how upset I was about it...Later at the event when we were packing up to leave I found the arrow head in the door of my car...of all places!
I never had the chance to tell barak that I found the arrow head. So here I am packing up and I find the favor and the arrow head beside it, stunned I just stood there looking at it...the next thing I knew I got a needle and thread and started resewing the head back on the favor.
Ok...no big deal, I can handle that, fix favor..done. I feel better now.
Then I go and clean out one of our closets and I find IT! the last thing barak gave me...
a gold Asian kimono with gold threaded dragons all over it with Asian coins for buttons, that was made for him when he became king...
He tried to give it to me at the last Sealion over in Lionsgate, he told me who made it for him and why ( it was Low by the way ) and I told him that I could not accept such a wonderful gift not one that was so beautiful and meant so much to him. He told me that he wanted me to have it cause I have a Japanese persona and that he thought that I deserved it and he did not want anyone but me to have it...
Still I could not in good conscious take such a gift, so he tells me " how about this...you take it now as a loaner and if I ever want it back or need it I will let you know " I thought about this and was more comfortable with that...so I accepted the " Loan " and brought it home, being TOTALLY paranoid of wrecking it somehow...LOL...
So I put it in my closet away from other clothes that might snag on it or harm it in some way and there it hung for months and months, and I totaly forgot about it. so when I was packing and find it, it hits me like a mac truck! I just stood there fealing kinda dizzy. I had never once considered ever wearing it or even putting it on for after all it was made for a KING...and I am no king...and there it was in front of me still...and I came to the realization that he would not be asking for it back from me...ever...so I decide to put it on for the first time. I unbutton the coins slip it over shoulders and rebutton it up. I stand in front of the mirror expecting it not to fit for I was taller than Barak, but damn it...it fit perfectly...
And I think that is when it really hit me...as to how much I am really really gonna miss Barak, I can still hear his laugh...see his smile. Man...I really hate it when I lose friends...
So then I start thinking man...if I am this sad about it, and I only knew him for 2 years...how are others handling it...people like Tina and Magnus, or his brothers in Ravensfury, or his brother knights that all knew him way better and way longer than I...
Then I think of poor Annaka who I think has it worse than most, I read her posts seeing that she is suffering but surviving...mainly because she is a damn strong woman.
All this sorrow around, I have not had any desire to pick up my sword, no desire to go to fight practice...nothing...I just feal so numb when it comes to fighting now, I was realy looking forward to him comming back out to fight practice and push us like he used to...before I would look at my armor bag and be all excited about the next fight practice or to step up my training a bit to get ready for the next tourny...now when I look at my armor bag...I don't feal anything at all...kind of a " meh " fealing...
So I guess I am writing this for a few reasons...one is to say how sorry I feal for everyone who has lost a good friend as Barak, and two to finally realize as to how much I liked the guy and as to how much I am realy gonna miss him...
Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to glorify him or put him on a pedestal, I knew Baraks faults as well as anyone, but I also knew is good points, and personaly I think his good points outweighed his bad ones...he was a loyal friend and a good person...and in the end isn't that all that matters?
There are some people out there who are mad at him for things he did in the past, things he did...things he said, but can't they just get past that and remember the good times they had with him...after all they became friends with him in the first place...there had to be a reason for that...
They should just remember those reasons...nuff said.