I'm still alive...
Man...tomorow is the first time that I shall be able to see my son since the breakup...I am both happy and sad to see Ethan again...for I am going to spend as much time with him while he is here in Victoria, but it is hard for me to forget that he will be leaving again within a week and a half...and thats tearing me appart inside...
It had gotten harder and harder for me to look in the mirror at myself as time has gone on, I can not get the thought out of my head that I left my son...and what kind of father or person even, would do that to his son...I know in my heart that I made the right decision in leaving Michelle for we were not happy and were never going to be as long as we were together, we are just too different of people who have different values in life...
But I love my son with all my heart and soul and it ripps me apart knowing that I left him and that we shall only be able to see one another once or twice a year...
I realy look forward to spending time with my son this week and takeing him to see my family, who have not seen him for a very long time.
I always felt that I was stronger mentaly than to let things like this get to me, I have always been incontroll of my emotions, always prided myself on it, that I could of gone though all the crap in my life and still come out standing tall and sane ( I know I know that is up for debate..hee hee hee ).
But whenever I think of my son i always have to fight back the tears and emotions that threaten to overwhelm me, I know that I have good friends around me and they are always there for me...It is just hard for me to open myself up to anyone friend or not for I always feel weak for it or I am just complaining about what I have done, it is my fault that I am in this situation, it was my decision to leave, therefor it is up to me to stand tall keep a stiff upper lip and cary the burden on my shoulders...alone...
But hey...I have to look at the bright side...I GET TO SEE MY SON AGAIN!!! I get to be his father again...for a short while atleast...
It had gotten harder and harder for me to look in the mirror at myself as time has gone on, I can not get the thought out of my head that I left my son...and what kind of father or person even, would do that to his son...I know in my heart that I made the right decision in leaving Michelle for we were not happy and were never going to be as long as we were together, we are just too different of people who have different values in life...
But I love my son with all my heart and soul and it ripps me apart knowing that I left him and that we shall only be able to see one another once or twice a year...
I realy look forward to spending time with my son this week and takeing him to see my family, who have not seen him for a very long time.
I always felt that I was stronger mentaly than to let things like this get to me, I have always been incontroll of my emotions, always prided myself on it, that I could of gone though all the crap in my life and still come out standing tall and sane ( I know I know that is up for debate..hee hee hee ).
But whenever I think of my son i always have to fight back the tears and emotions that threaten to overwhelm me, I know that I have good friends around me and they are always there for me...It is just hard for me to open myself up to anyone friend or not for I always feel weak for it or I am just complaining about what I have done, it is my fault that I am in this situation, it was my decision to leave, therefor it is up to me to stand tall keep a stiff upper lip and cary the burden on my shoulders...alone...
But hey...I have to look at the bright side...I GET TO SEE MY SON AGAIN!!! I get to be his father again...for a short while atleast...