Choice of direction: Freedom or constraint
To be free or constrained?
I've always enjoyed life more and become a richer and happier person (in the long run) for not upholding my own (psychological) freedom over the freedom (psychological + social + political + economic) and happiness of others. I've invested in myself by investing in others, even if the investment is indirect (i.e. investing in acquiring knowledge that I want to share or help others with).
A pursuit based *solely* on individual freedom is nice on Sunday afternoons, but during the course of life such a pursuit becomes shallow.
To be free or constrained?
Constrained in the name of others' good (i.e. take a teaching job at a technical college, constrained time, constrained salary, but possibly for me would be freer summers, schedule, and mind/spirit)
or free in the name of my good (take a freelancing gig that would allow me to work from anywhere and possibly open up some ins to industries connected to Hollywood)
or free in others' eyes but maybe constrained in mine (to stay at my current job).
I turned 29.
Is there something I'm supposed to be living now that I'm not? Something I've missed or missing? I want to live in Mexico during February, commute to NYC once a month if I take that freelancing job, visit Japan in April and ski in Aspen this winter. I want to have time to spend with my friends, time to dedicate to EXCO and the free education movement, and time to spend with...a boyfriend, as I'm finally unwounded enough and hopefully unconstrained enough to date again. And then time to slow down and realize / reflect on what I'm living. Where to spend and find the time?
Young idealists say to roam free and follow *my* heart, let it run wild. I feel as though I've taken the reigns off enough to allow my racehorse of a spirit to bolt off...yet gallivanting has always circled around something more substantial, which has always included hearts other than my own. And, maybe they're right in that the vivid pain, growth, and development/reinvention coming from straying and roaming can make you stronger if you haven't had the proper pain to make yourself so thus far.... but pain in all its forms is like Vitamin C: if you take too much you can get diarrhea, its effectiveness peaks at about 500mg, and too little leads to scurvy and wasting away. I've eased off to 500mg now, and life is so healthy.
It's not just about more time as in more hours of the day to do what I want when I want: it's about the quality of time, overall: working, sleeping, dreaming, thinking, vegging, vacationing, and what that investment in time will bring to me and others in the future. We so often think about the quality of time when we're working, for example, but never the quality of time when we're sleeping at night.
I've always enjoyed life more and become a richer and happier person (in the long run) for not upholding my own (psychological) freedom over the freedom (psychological + social + political + economic) and happiness of others. I've invested in myself by investing in others, even if the investment is indirect (i.e. investing in acquiring knowledge that I want to share or help others with).
A pursuit based *solely* on individual freedom is nice on Sunday afternoons, but during the course of life such a pursuit becomes shallow.
To be free or constrained?
Constrained in the name of others' good (i.e. take a teaching job at a technical college, constrained time, constrained salary, but possibly for me would be freer summers, schedule, and mind/spirit)
or free in the name of my good (take a freelancing gig that would allow me to work from anywhere and possibly open up some ins to industries connected to Hollywood)
or free in others' eyes but maybe constrained in mine (to stay at my current job).
I turned 29.
Is there something I'm supposed to be living now that I'm not? Something I've missed or missing? I want to live in Mexico during February, commute to NYC once a month if I take that freelancing job, visit Japan in April and ski in Aspen this winter. I want to have time to spend with my friends, time to dedicate to EXCO and the free education movement, and time to spend with...a boyfriend, as I'm finally unwounded enough and hopefully unconstrained enough to date again. And then time to slow down and realize / reflect on what I'm living. Where to spend and find the time?
Young idealists say to roam free and follow *my* heart, let it run wild. I feel as though I've taken the reigns off enough to allow my racehorse of a spirit to bolt off...yet gallivanting has always circled around something more substantial, which has always included hearts other than my own. And, maybe they're right in that the vivid pain, growth, and development/reinvention coming from straying and roaming can make you stronger if you haven't had the proper pain to make yourself so thus far.... but pain in all its forms is like Vitamin C: if you take too much you can get diarrhea, its effectiveness peaks at about 500mg, and too little leads to scurvy and wasting away. I've eased off to 500mg now, and life is so healthy.
It's not just about more time as in more hours of the day to do what I want when I want: it's about the quality of time, overall: working, sleeping, dreaming, thinking, vegging, vacationing, and what that investment in time will bring to me and others in the future. We so often think about the quality of time when we're working, for example, but never the quality of time when we're sleeping at night.