Regret and hope

[sethisalive]

A super amazing pal very-wisely told me that what I need to do to move on from this pseudo-relationship-mess that happened on and off for the last four years is to come to a point where I don't regret anything from the past.

No more "if only"s, no more "but if"s, no more justifying what he did or I did, no more wishing I would've or he could've or

Comments

Re: Nicely put, Mr. Man

[sethisalive]

Nicko! I could never be sick of hearing about any pain you're going through or have gone through! Not scrolling past anything! And yes, I agree there is profound commonality. But, I think you shouldn't be hard on yourself for leaving the situation you found yourself in. What you did was necessary, the way things are now are necessary. You can only take so much pain before taking on that pain goes from "noble" to "unwise" in the sense that you harm yourself so much that you can't actually fix or give love to the situation you're in that's causing you harm. And if you harm yourself to a sufficient degree, then you can't even give love to others. At that point it's not only "unwise" but "selfish" to stay in that situation. It's selfish not to be able to give love to others, to contribute to the world (I'm sure it affected your studies and would have more had you let it continue), etc.

On a somewhat related note I think there's a big difference between being vulnerable (a good thing) and stoic (a bad thing, especially in relationships), and I think being able to be vulnerable takes a stronger person than being stoic. Also, I had it a bit easier because he isn't friends with any of my close circle of friends, and I definitely said peace out to him for extended periods of time.

I totally agree with what you say about regret. I believe wholeheartedly in regret, but it should also be given much time in the sun, as you say.

It's absolutely wonderful that you can start to appreciate how things turned out. We give too much credit to happiness and not enough credit to pain. We don't like pain when it's there, but through struggle (which involves pain) we gain so much. Struggle is integral to development, both biologically-speaking, philosophically-speaking. The pain that we both went through will make us both stronger, the beautiful people hovering beneath your candy-coated shell and my sunny disposition.