Failed marriages
One of the many things that irk me to a sufficient degree to write about it:
Using the fact that many marriages fail as a reason for condemning the institution/concept of marriage. (I'm talking about the concept of two people making a commitment to be together and all that entails---not the heteronormativity of it.)
It's as if the end suddenly erases the history of the means. The little steps along the way suddenly don't count. The beautiful things it produces along the way suddenly don't matter.
It's the same logic that drives the thinking that if life has an end, it is therefore necessarily meaningless or even not worth living.
One of the most beautiful things that emerges from such a thing called "marriage" or "partnership" is the product of all that effort, all the suffering--- the people it produces (both the couple and children), and their actions in society. If dysfunction overtakes the marriage, then its time has come to pass...but that doesn't mean that it was a "failure" or a waste. The dysfunction comes from people---not marriages. People come from many things, too, in both nature and nurture. So it seems silly to blame the institution/concept itself.
I'm all in favor of those who don't want to be married, though. Don't get me wrong! There are definitely some people who just ought to not marry (either because they're too free of a spirit and just plain don't want to, or because they'd fuck up everything in a jiffy).
Of course marriages can produce dysfunctional people and dysfunctional children....but so can society, so can one's biology, so can circumstance.
I'm not sure I like the word or idea of "marriage", but the concept touches on some things I wholeheartedly believe in, and hope to flow into some day.
Using the fact that many marriages fail as a reason for condemning the institution/concept of marriage. (I'm talking about the concept of two people making a commitment to be together and all that entails---not the heteronormativity of it.)
It's as if the end suddenly erases the history of the means. The little steps along the way suddenly don't count. The beautiful things it produces along the way suddenly don't matter.
It's the same logic that drives the thinking that if life has an end, it is therefore necessarily meaningless or even not worth living.
One of the most beautiful things that emerges from such a thing called "marriage" or "partnership" is the product of all that effort, all the suffering--- the people it produces (both the couple and children), and their actions in society. If dysfunction overtakes the marriage, then its time has come to pass...but that doesn't mean that it was a "failure" or a waste. The dysfunction comes from people---not marriages. People come from many things, too, in both nature and nurture. So it seems silly to blame the institution/concept itself.
I'm all in favor of those who don't want to be married, though. Don't get me wrong! There are definitely some people who just ought to not marry (either because they're too free of a spirit and just plain don't want to, or because they'd fuck up everything in a jiffy).
Of course marriages can produce dysfunctional people and dysfunctional children....but so can society, so can one's biology, so can circumstance.
I'm not sure I like the word or idea of "marriage", but the concept touches on some things I wholeheartedly believe in, and hope to flow into some day.