If IkaJuu went to college

[sethadmirer]

Title: The Clunky Business of Having
Pairing: Ikari x Juumonji
Rating: NC-17 for smex and swearing
Summary: Suits them somehow just fine. Ten headcanons for their relationship.

1. Ikari is an honest-to-god nine incher. Juumonji sometimes broke into cold sweat just thinking about it (as in, holy shit, just how in the blazes did you manage to fit). Then they both got hot all over remembering the first time Ikari pushed past Juumonji’s rectum. (Warm and tight had been brought to a whole new level.)

.....

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was how Juumonji Kazuki became a sarcastically self-labelled expert at anal preparation.

(Which was far, far more complicated than it sounded. Bastard had better be grateful.)

.....

2. Neither college kid could cook very well. (That is to say, Juumonji refused to play housewife, and he couldn’t whip up anything more complex than fried rice either.) So after the nth time delivering to Juumonji’s doorstep (where there were two pairs of slippers worn and two very male voices interacting, six times out of ten), one bento delivery guy was now onto their secret.

Not that he cared. What his customers did (or were) was none of his business.

.....

No matter how weirded out the sight of their musculature made him, and that one snatch of argument about…lube…brands…

He needed to get piss-drunk right now.

.....

3. Though, Ikari’s dad was skirting pretty close to the truth. He kept teasing the brat about his phone bills (which had actually hiked to normal-social-people level), asking him when he was going to bring the girl home.

.....

In eight months’ time, those innocent jibes would embody every major worry that bit at them.

In another four, they would amuse all involved, although Juumonji would still be rather annoyed at having been ‘the girl’.

.....

4. And the cat lady, never forget the cat lady. Ms. Amsel, 67, gaijin retiree and pet-care blogger, had been soooo disappointed when Young Juumonji next door helped her carry the flowerpots one day, bending down to reveal teeth marks underneath his collar (Ikari didn’t exactly have a woman’s bite radius). While she had been somewhat wary of his loud hair and earlier reticence (poor dear had such trouble being friendly), he had turned out to be quite a nice, polite young man. She had been positive he and Mari-from-the-baking-class would’ve hit off spectacularly.

Hmmm. If he ever changed his mind about whichever lucky boy he was dating, there was always her handsome undergrad nephew.

.....

In reality, Mari-from-the-baking class would’ve been more disappointed that Juumonji didn’t look the ideal real-life manifestation of her beloved yaoi.

.....

5. Even if he didn’t, between the two of them, the ex-Deimon footballer was always the one who did all their laundry. Always. (You gotta problem with that, bitch?) Never mind how the musk and stains on their bedsheets initially threatened his facial colouration too often, damn his stubbornly light-malt tan. As for what said state of bedding did to Ikari, well, that was why Juumonji had assigned the duty to himself-permanently (because dirty fabrics don’t need some pervert doing absolutely gross and unhygienic things with them).

.....

Ikari got to run store errands instead.

(His dad was amazed. Never had his son learned to behave himself so quickly. He charted it to the fact there were edible incentives-since they were talking about 7-11s-because junior neglected to mention that his sex partner would also refuse to let him inside the house unless he came back with the demanded items.)

(Ikari’s note to self: kick impulse in the nuts the next time it wanted to blabber on how his da’ dished out the discipline.)

.....

6. By mutual agreement, they’d decided to leave trying football practice together much later. Running, hiking and sporadic sparring sessions were fine, but with Ikari being an Oujou fanatic, a team-centric tussle could get really ugly.

.....

Because Juumonji wasn’t an easy pushover in that aspect either. His teammates, both old and new had earned it (yes, even the freaking devil and, as much as his teeth ached to admit it, Kongo fucking Agon).

.....

7. Being on the opposite sides of the gridiron had presented a huge chunk of problems too. Luckily, once Juumonji’s natural smarts had kicked in after he’d sorted out his head, he’d dragged Ikari into hashing out some ground rules. (Because, as illogical and bothersome as it was, he liked that brainless punk, in and out of bed. He liked the straightforward way he jumped into life with gusto, that free and carelessly sharp grin. The way he could get upfront about being upset, and clear up and tell Juumonji, “You’re alright” the next. The way he didn’t have to speak but be strong and stolid, something that refused to not look at you, messed-up and weak, or forget your strength. He liked the mindlessly action-packed movies he watched, the monochromatic shirts he wore, his shamelessly terrible taste in food and soft, guttural singing in the bathroom.)

(God help him, he liked Ikari Daigo.)

It might’ve nearly made them go their separate ways at one point, but they’d been all the happier, finding better ways of keeping score ever since.

.....

Thus, if Juumonji could be said to have quit smoking after Amefuto, he stopped being dishonest with himself after Ikari.

.....

8. Nevertheless, the lighter male would die unflinchingly before admitting that he had a thing for Ikari’s thick, greyish-white pubes. Just feeling them brushing his hole would have him biting his lips to swallow those embarrassing whines (though he sometimes failed), though he could never suppress the shudder and grinding against Ikari’s balls that would prompt the other man to try pushing in deeper, even when that was impossible.

.....

Ikari, in turn, never told the scarred male how he could get him to do almost anything if he would show off those legs more.

A man still needed (some part of) his pride intact.

.....

9. Also, the aforementioned intellectual side caused him no end of irritation once Ikari discovered his childhood photos. There was a reason he wore contact lenses and had a half-hearted approach to hitting the books.

Glad there were still some locks he hadn’t used on him. It felt great to introduce the prick’s jaw to his socked foot.
.....

Hiruma knew about those photos too. He also knew about escaping from something you didn’t want to define you.

Ikari might not, but he had, henceforth, found this side Juumonji to be completely irresistible.

(Therefore spurring the man into wearing reading glasses sporadically and absorbing some German from Ms. Amsel.)

.....

10. So now Ikari had seen both his parents, pre-divorce, while Juumonji had yet to lay eyes on his.

No troubles with the old man, it seemed; Ikari was always complaining or tossing tidbits about him in gruff, affectionate tones. The subject of Mom, though, might be a landmine-she was forever missing from the conversation.

One way or another, they were still largely in the dark about each other’s family.

…Why did he even care about all this?

Christ. The uncharacteristically feely stuff this guy had him pulling.

(Meanwhile, Ikari worked autopilot through his burger in the opposite side of the booth, unnoticed, while his thoughts churned on and on.)

(Owari)

A/N:

1. The original title was ‘The Clunky Business of Having a Lebensabschnittpartner’. ‘Lebensabschnittpartner’ is German for ‘lover/ partner’. It literally means ‘the person I am with today’.
2. As an aside, most Japanese don’t wear shoes but slippers in their homes, so it is customary to have a few extra pairs for guests.
3. Gaijin- Japanese for foreigner.
4. Amsel- German surname, which means ‘blackbird’.
5. Alternate title would’ve been ‘Zehn Augenblick’, which is German for ‘ten moments’. You may begin to notice a pattern here.
6. It really is not easy being the bottom to a hung dude. It is not. That smooth, mutually-enjoyable penetration with 5-minutes pain/ discomfort? Apparently, takes actual training beforehand, kegels and near-fastidious care taken with cleanliness. And ample amounts of lube-slicked relaxation every time preluding the "main event".

(The training can be quite pleasurable of course, when done right. Still, effort. Caution.)