(no subject)
As I thought might happen, I haven't been updating regularly. In the beginning, it was all shiny and new but now the novelty has worn off and for the third time, it almost seems like a chore to blog. However, I'm going to try to work through this like working through writers block. I'm going to write and I apologize if this is a bit dry.
I have been getting that depressed fall feeling lately. Every year around this time, I get down and it usually lasts through winter, especially now, having had serious gray and rainy days. I don't particularly like the feeling although I do look forward to autumn and winter. Sort of a weird dichotomy there. I don't like to lable myself, but I think I have a seasonal disorder. My mother has told me about it, something about the lack of sun with which my body needs to absorb vitamin D. I'm not really sure. All I do know is that my spirit seems to descend with the falling leaves and stays dormant throughout winter. On the first warm sunny day of spring, I really do feel as if I've awakened. It's a strange feeling.
The appartment seems to be getting messier and messier. I'm not sure how to stop it. The clutter is a monster that can't be haulted. And it seems like all I do when I'm home is dishes. To be fair, Christine and I have worked out whoever does the cooking/makes dinner doesn't do the dishes, and she has been making dinner fairly often. Maybe it goes back to the "fall feeling" because I don't really feel like doing much during those months. I tried making meatballs yesterday, but because we had ground turkey (which is much cheaper and better for you then ground beef) I used that instead of beef. Well, I forgot to beat the egg first and just plopped it in, which made the meat and ingredients quite soft. They fell apart in the frying pan. Christine seemed to like the mush which was good, but I couldn't finish it. Plus, I get so disgusted with myself for cooking such slop that it discourages me from cooking, which just perpetuates the cycle of dish washing.
I'm glad I have the friends I do now, because without them really knowing it, they provide the solid ground in which to place my feet. Just going for drinks every now and then, or having dinner together, or having someone to go outside with, or simply chatting online provides some support that I haven't always had from the friends throughout my life. My parents have been and are always there for me and Christine of course, but it's nice to know others out there like me. So thanks.
Anyway
It's always about this time of year too that I feel stuck. Stuck in my life, wanting to do more, go more places, better myself some how. Sometimes I have daydreams about being a wizard from the fantasy books I used to read as a kid. I'd go off into the woods, travel the earth, learn my skills and come back to help make the world a better place. Maybe I feel I don't have the skills to better the world. I don't know.
Boy, for someone who didn't want to post, this is longwinded and pointless.
I have been getting that depressed fall feeling lately. Every year around this time, I get down and it usually lasts through winter, especially now, having had serious gray and rainy days. I don't particularly like the feeling although I do look forward to autumn and winter. Sort of a weird dichotomy there. I don't like to lable myself, but I think I have a seasonal disorder. My mother has told me about it, something about the lack of sun with which my body needs to absorb vitamin D. I'm not really sure. All I do know is that my spirit seems to descend with the falling leaves and stays dormant throughout winter. On the first warm sunny day of spring, I really do feel as if I've awakened. It's a strange feeling.
The appartment seems to be getting messier and messier. I'm not sure how to stop it. The clutter is a monster that can't be haulted. And it seems like all I do when I'm home is dishes. To be fair, Christine and I have worked out whoever does the cooking/makes dinner doesn't do the dishes, and she has been making dinner fairly often. Maybe it goes back to the "fall feeling" because I don't really feel like doing much during those months. I tried making meatballs yesterday, but because we had ground turkey (which is much cheaper and better for you then ground beef) I used that instead of beef. Well, I forgot to beat the egg first and just plopped it in, which made the meat and ingredients quite soft. They fell apart in the frying pan. Christine seemed to like the mush which was good, but I couldn't finish it. Plus, I get so disgusted with myself for cooking such slop that it discourages me from cooking, which just perpetuates the cycle of dish washing.
I'm glad I have the friends I do now, because without them really knowing it, they provide the solid ground in which to place my feet. Just going for drinks every now and then, or having dinner together, or having someone to go outside with, or simply chatting online provides some support that I haven't always had from the friends throughout my life. My parents have been and are always there for me and Christine of course, but it's nice to know others out there like me. So thanks.
Anyway
It's always about this time of year too that I feel stuck. Stuck in my life, wanting to do more, go more places, better myself some how. Sometimes I have daydreams about being a wizard from the fantasy books I used to read as a kid. I'd go off into the woods, travel the earth, learn my skills and come back to help make the world a better place. Maybe I feel I don't have the skills to better the world. I don't know.
Boy, for someone who didn't want to post, this is longwinded and pointless.