Why Gay Marriage Won't Work (humor), stolen from bi_girls
Why gay marriages won't work...
1. homosexuality is not natural, much like polyester, eyeglasses, and birth control.
2. heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. infertile couples and old people can't legally marry because the world needs more children.
3. obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
4. straight marriages will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since britney's 55 hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. gay marriage should be decided by the people and not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
7. gay marriage is not supported by religion. in a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion is imposed on the entire country. that's why we have only one religion in the united states.
8. gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging out with tall people will make you tall.
9. legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. people may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage certificate.
10. children can never succeed without a male and female role model in the home. that is why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. gay marriage will change the foundation of society. heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars and longer lifespans.
12. civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. separate schools for african-americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.
1. homosexuality is not natural, much like polyester, eyeglasses, and birth control.
2. heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. infertile couples and old people can't legally marry because the world needs more children.
3. obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
4. straight marriages will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since britney's 55 hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. gay marriage should be decided by the people and not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
7. gay marriage is not supported by religion. in a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion is imposed on the entire country. that's why we have only one religion in the united states.
8. gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging out with tall people will make you tall.
9. legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. people may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage certificate.
10. children can never succeed without a male and female role model in the home. that is why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. gay marriage will change the foundation of society. heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars and longer lifespans.
12. civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. separate schools for african-americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.