2012, resolved.
So it's to the point that I feel odd for having never yet found time to share my resolutions publicly, as I have for years. Though right now is not convenient, I'd rather just share already rather than have this hang over me any longer.
Forgive me if this isn't nearly so polished as most of what I write (or so I like to think ;)), it's all stream of consciousness.
So. When I last wrote, it was just before my birthday, the other day where I mark where I am and where I aim to go. I was in a miserable place in life and another day made no difference. There was no post because I couldn't write one without maligning my ex, which would benefit neither of us.
The gift of time means that I am far less angry and many lengths beyond where I was. The downside of my grief and anger is that something so big effects me so deeply that I am reduced to a catatonic state. I moved for preset obligations and at the urging of friends, otherwise, I could always be found on the couch, waiting for time to pass and make it all better. It is embarrassing to me to admit how many TV shows and how many episodes of each I watched to pass the days, after years of proudly claiming to only watch TV sporadically and never consistently. I watched entire series this past summer.
So the whole notion of RUN for 2011 came to that grinding halt mid-year. I tried to pick it up several times without success until late fall when I tried to get serious about the half-marathon training.
Instead of running the Disney Princess 2012 half-marathon this month, my bff and I are walking the DC Rock-n-Roll half-marathon next month.
Since we are walking this one (long stories short, both our training schedules got jacked up for reasons outside of our control), my goal is to be able to run one by the end of the year.
Originally, we had talked about this would just be our first, the next one we'd aim to be faster, and the third faster still. This has just gotten more complicated with my bff's recent announcement that DC was really just so far and that she wouldn't be doing another run with me in the city. Since she only wants to run close to home, I am not sure how many race opportunities we will have together. I am going to still run in DC, just didn't think I'd be running races without her.
Anyway, so that's the literal run part of life. The whole idea from last year of running towards dreams and away from fears still went on. There was a lot of planning. Now it is the time for actually taking action. I know what the invisible scripts are, I've gotten through a lot of them. I've done an incredible amount of research and inner work in the past six months.
Taking action is scary. I know from my history that fears are meaningless and once through them, on the other side, they look ridiculous. So it's just a matter of pushing through to the other side. It's a slow, baby-stepping thing.
As far as functioning like a "normal" human being, well, that's been an adventure. I've done some experimenting, thanks to The 4-Hour Body: An Uncommon Guide to Rapid Fat-Loss, Incredible Sex, and Becoming Superhuman
. I didn't lose much weight with the 4-hour Diet but I did eliminate my seasonal allergies. Even nearly a year later, my allergies are still barely noticeable, where they used to nearly control my life. So that was pretty awesome.
I have gotten used to being a night owl. I kept telling people that I need a boyfriend just to have someone to encourage me to go to bed at a reasonable hour. ;) Since I remain single, I go to bed late, I wake up late. It's really not that bad, my mind seems more active at night time anyway. I would love though to find a way to wake up quickly in the morning as I snooze for way too long and take entirely too long to be awake after I've gotten out of bed.
Oh, okay, so yoga. I did go to the September Yoga Journal conference in Colorado with Sarah. It was pretty fantastic, I'm not gonna lie. We plan to do it again this year. The odd thing though is that I came home and gained twenty pounds with amazing speed. I do eat my emotions and there was a lot of shifting at the conference. I didn't think there was that much shifting but that's the only answer I have. I mean, it was months after the breakup. It's a very weird thing that I am still trying to shake.
So resolutions, here's the checklist:
1. Lose the 20 pounds I gained post-yoga conference.
2. Finish the 3/17 half-marathon (yep, our goal is to just finish, we'll worry about time for the next one).
3. Be able to run 15 miles by the end of the world on 12/21/2012.
4. Find and implement a way to wake up quickly in the morning.
5. Write and mail the letter that's been on my mind for months (business = private, sorry).
6. Find friends who will go to DC with me. I need more adventures and there's so many things and places and events there I want to explore!
7. Find someone to run races in DC with.
8. Write one novel about my dating adventures.
9. Draft at least a fleshed-out outline of a nonfiction book that I'll be collaborating with bff on.
10. Get 11 more massages this year. I always plan to get one every month and thank goodness that I started this year out right. It helps a great deal with my trust/body issues and my hands and forearms really do need it.
11. Go back to watching TV sporadically and inconsistently. TV has become a procrastination crutch and as much as I use it (and yes, enjoy it), I resent it. I absolutely believe that TV makes you dumb and exists to keep people where they are, I have definitely proven that to myself.
12. Declutter the house. Closet and bedroom by the end of the month, Move towards the front door with one room each month.
13. Do the scary business things that net me clients.
14. Paint. I'm not sure why but I have a serious, growing desire to put paint to canvas these days. There is actually a simple desire to make art, put collages on walls, etc but painting is the most specific. So I am just going to let it happen. Maybe instead of a writer, I am actually an artist?
15. By the next Colorado Yoga Journal conference, be able to do Crow and a handstand and let Wheel be an easy thing. I know it seems silly to have goals in yoga, but these are things I had classes in at the last one (arm balances, inversion, backbends) and I want progress, dammit. ;) I know all the proper ways, its just a matter of getting my upper body strength up and also my courage.
In a perfect world, doing all these things will allow me to reach my private financial goals while leaving plenty of room for me to finish all the books on my to-read shelves (and Kindle!), finish all of my outstanding outstanding ;) knitting/crochet projects, and allow me to become a landlord by the end of the year.
My wish for my home, for myself and for you: peace, love, joy, success. Xoxo.
Forgive me if this isn't nearly so polished as most of what I write (or so I like to think ;)), it's all stream of consciousness.
So. When I last wrote, it was just before my birthday, the other day where I mark where I am and where I aim to go. I was in a miserable place in life and another day made no difference. There was no post because I couldn't write one without maligning my ex, which would benefit neither of us.
The gift of time means that I am far less angry and many lengths beyond where I was. The downside of my grief and anger is that something so big effects me so deeply that I am reduced to a catatonic state. I moved for preset obligations and at the urging of friends, otherwise, I could always be found on the couch, waiting for time to pass and make it all better. It is embarrassing to me to admit how many TV shows and how many episodes of each I watched to pass the days, after years of proudly claiming to only watch TV sporadically and never consistently. I watched entire series this past summer.
So the whole notion of RUN for 2011 came to that grinding halt mid-year. I tried to pick it up several times without success until late fall when I tried to get serious about the half-marathon training.
Instead of running the Disney Princess 2012 half-marathon this month, my bff and I are walking the DC Rock-n-Roll half-marathon next month.
Since we are walking this one (long stories short, both our training schedules got jacked up for reasons outside of our control), my goal is to be able to run one by the end of the year.
Originally, we had talked about this would just be our first, the next one we'd aim to be faster, and the third faster still. This has just gotten more complicated with my bff's recent announcement that DC was really just so far and that she wouldn't be doing another run with me in the city. Since she only wants to run close to home, I am not sure how many race opportunities we will have together. I am going to still run in DC, just didn't think I'd be running races without her.
Anyway, so that's the literal run part of life. The whole idea from last year of running towards dreams and away from fears still went on. There was a lot of planning. Now it is the time for actually taking action. I know what the invisible scripts are, I've gotten through a lot of them. I've done an incredible amount of research and inner work in the past six months.
Taking action is scary. I know from my history that fears are meaningless and once through them, on the other side, they look ridiculous. So it's just a matter of pushing through to the other side. It's a slow, baby-stepping thing.
As far as functioning like a "normal" human being, well, that's been an adventure. I've done some experimenting, thanks to The 4-Hour Body: An Uncommon Guide to Rapid Fat-Loss, Incredible Sex, and Becoming Superhuman
. I didn't lose much weight with the 4-hour Diet but I did eliminate my seasonal allergies. Even nearly a year later, my allergies are still barely noticeable, where they used to nearly control my life. So that was pretty awesome.
I have gotten used to being a night owl. I kept telling people that I need a boyfriend just to have someone to encourage me to go to bed at a reasonable hour. ;) Since I remain single, I go to bed late, I wake up late. It's really not that bad, my mind seems more active at night time anyway. I would love though to find a way to wake up quickly in the morning as I snooze for way too long and take entirely too long to be awake after I've gotten out of bed.
Oh, okay, so yoga. I did go to the September Yoga Journal conference in Colorado with Sarah. It was pretty fantastic, I'm not gonna lie. We plan to do it again this year. The odd thing though is that I came home and gained twenty pounds with amazing speed. I do eat my emotions and there was a lot of shifting at the conference. I didn't think there was that much shifting but that's the only answer I have. I mean, it was months after the breakup. It's a very weird thing that I am still trying to shake.
So resolutions, here's the checklist:
1. Lose the 20 pounds I gained post-yoga conference.
2. Finish the 3/17 half-marathon (yep, our goal is to just finish, we'll worry about time for the next one).
3. Be able to run 15 miles by the end of the world on 12/21/2012.
4. Find and implement a way to wake up quickly in the morning.
5. Write and mail the letter that's been on my mind for months (business = private, sorry).
6. Find friends who will go to DC with me. I need more adventures and there's so many things and places and events there I want to explore!
7. Find someone to run races in DC with.
8. Write one novel about my dating adventures.
9. Draft at least a fleshed-out outline of a nonfiction book that I'll be collaborating with bff on.
10. Get 11 more massages this year. I always plan to get one every month and thank goodness that I started this year out right. It helps a great deal with my trust/body issues and my hands and forearms really do need it.
11. Go back to watching TV sporadically and inconsistently. TV has become a procrastination crutch and as much as I use it (and yes, enjoy it), I resent it. I absolutely believe that TV makes you dumb and exists to keep people where they are, I have definitely proven that to myself.
12. Declutter the house. Closet and bedroom by the end of the month, Move towards the front door with one room each month.
13. Do the scary business things that net me clients.
14. Paint. I'm not sure why but I have a serious, growing desire to put paint to canvas these days. There is actually a simple desire to make art, put collages on walls, etc but painting is the most specific. So I am just going to let it happen. Maybe instead of a writer, I am actually an artist?
15. By the next Colorado Yoga Journal conference, be able to do Crow and a handstand and let Wheel be an easy thing. I know it seems silly to have goals in yoga, but these are things I had classes in at the last one (arm balances, inversion, backbends) and I want progress, dammit. ;) I know all the proper ways, its just a matter of getting my upper body strength up and also my courage.
In a perfect world, doing all these things will allow me to reach my private financial goals while leaving plenty of room for me to finish all the books on my to-read shelves (and Kindle!), finish all of my outstanding outstanding ;) knitting/crochet projects, and allow me to become a landlord by the end of the year.
My wish for my home, for myself and for you: peace, love, joy, success. Xoxo.