A small interval.
I know it's been since January since i last posted publicly. My birthday is Wednesday, it's my normal day to post about publicly and generally I like to catch up on where I've been since my last public post. Since 2011 has been a long, deep ride into stress, I am just going to catch you up now so I don't have to think of that unpleasantry on my birthday.
At the end of February, I was advised to stop using my shower as it was leaking into my downstairs neighbor's home. As my bathroom was 5'x7', and replacing the shower was replacing half the bathroom, I thought it best to just do the whole thing.
That process lasted until the end of May. How does one exist without a shower in their home for three months? Thankfully, I had my beloved ex who lives just around the corner from me, who you may recall as coming between me and his treadmill. He did give me a key and while he was at work, I was at his house, doing intervals on his treadmill, using his shower, adoring his cats, keeping everything tidy. His home was my sanctuary. His cats trained to my tricks. My ex, always my lover and friend truly became my dearest friend over the course of winter-into-spring.
If I had to pin-point it, I'd say the job I had when I last posted here started trying to kill me through a million tiny pinpricks in March. There was no one thing that encouraged me to leave, it was a long build-up of nonsense - bothersome, annoying and constant.
In March, I was told that my 13-year-old car needed $1100 worth of work.
In late April, I hired a friend of a friend to install a ceiling fan into my living room ceiling. I really just wanted a project to come and go in a reasonable time frame. It took nearly a week after expanding in size and purview, and the job remains unfinished to this day. This would be despite my trainer coming back into my life, claiming that he would fix it, he has since disappeared.
On the last day of April, I made the mistake of going into a dealership to test drive a few cars. I came home with a car that I didn't want and wasn't able to return.
May was the most stressful month and when I was concerned for my sanity. I do not deal with stress well, this is one reason I am a massage therapist. There was work of the million tiny pinpricks, there was contractor bullshit, there was the whole car situation, there was discovering deceit on the part of my ex, which was the beginning of our end. The sole good thing about May was getting my bathroom back.
June saw the much drawn-out end of things between my ex and I. It is not simply a loss of a best friend and lover that I am dealing with, it is compounded by losing my sanctuary and cats, it is the kick in the head of this deceit and all it meant, it is how my ex behaved toward me as things came to the end and how he's behaved since.
I also turned in notice to my job in June, my last day was 3 July. It is notable only that I was ready to quit one other time, after two years with the former owner; when she sold to the new owners, I was willing to give them a year to see how things went and in a year, they pushed me to the same point.
For all the stress, pain and grief of these last several months, there is great peace and freedom in destruction. Like my favorite No-Thingness card in the Osho Zen tarot deck, like Akhilandeshvari the Never Not Broken Goddess, I know that space must be made for new & improved to come in, destruction must happen for creation to go on.
With so many things on fire, make way for the phoenix.
At the end of February, I was advised to stop using my shower as it was leaking into my downstairs neighbor's home. As my bathroom was 5'x7', and replacing the shower was replacing half the bathroom, I thought it best to just do the whole thing.
That process lasted until the end of May. How does one exist without a shower in their home for three months? Thankfully, I had my beloved ex who lives just around the corner from me, who you may recall as coming between me and his treadmill. He did give me a key and while he was at work, I was at his house, doing intervals on his treadmill, using his shower, adoring his cats, keeping everything tidy. His home was my sanctuary. His cats trained to my tricks. My ex, always my lover and friend truly became my dearest friend over the course of winter-into-spring.
If I had to pin-point it, I'd say the job I had when I last posted here started trying to kill me through a million tiny pinpricks in March. There was no one thing that encouraged me to leave, it was a long build-up of nonsense - bothersome, annoying and constant.
In March, I was told that my 13-year-old car needed $1100 worth of work.
In late April, I hired a friend of a friend to install a ceiling fan into my living room ceiling. I really just wanted a project to come and go in a reasonable time frame. It took nearly a week after expanding in size and purview, and the job remains unfinished to this day. This would be despite my trainer coming back into my life, claiming that he would fix it, he has since disappeared.
On the last day of April, I made the mistake of going into a dealership to test drive a few cars. I came home with a car that I didn't want and wasn't able to return.
May was the most stressful month and when I was concerned for my sanity. I do not deal with stress well, this is one reason I am a massage therapist. There was work of the million tiny pinpricks, there was contractor bullshit, there was the whole car situation, there was discovering deceit on the part of my ex, which was the beginning of our end. The sole good thing about May was getting my bathroom back.
June saw the much drawn-out end of things between my ex and I. It is not simply a loss of a best friend and lover that I am dealing with, it is compounded by losing my sanctuary and cats, it is the kick in the head of this deceit and all it meant, it is how my ex behaved toward me as things came to the end and how he's behaved since.
I also turned in notice to my job in June, my last day was 3 July. It is notable only that I was ready to quit one other time, after two years with the former owner; when she sold to the new owners, I was willing to give them a year to see how things went and in a year, they pushed me to the same point.
For all the stress, pain and grief of these last several months, there is great peace and freedom in destruction. Like my favorite No-Thingness card in the Osho Zen tarot deck, like Akhilandeshvari the Never Not Broken Goddess, I know that space must be made for new & improved to come in, destruction must happen for creation to go on.
With so many things on fire, make way for the phoenix.