Home
Speaking of going home, I'm so pleased to be heading back to my small home town of Manhattan. I know, I know, never heard of it. I always have to give a little geography lesson when I talk about it. It is pronounced just like it is spelled and it is a cute little fishing village on an island off of the coast of New Jersey. What is so special about my sleepy little berg? Well according to the department of homeland security we have no national monuments or icons in my shabby but beloved burg. However, I like to think that my little town is uniquely American. Sure when you think of America and the flag you don't think of our little French statue that we got from our sister city in a cultural exchange program but I think it gives us an international flair that other towns don't have along with the pancake house, the United Nations of Pancakes. We have a cool wall where our fisherman hang out and do business being the brilliant small town folks we are we call this place Wall Street. Watch your wallet big city folk because some of those fishermen are pretty slick.
What I love most about my town is how safe it is. I have to say, I never have to worry about my family. I remember the worst thing we ever had to worry about was when some pranksters knocked down our Water Toting Towers. WT Towers for short. It fell right down in our back yard. Well I gotta say Pop was pretty steamed at first but then we all busted up laughing till we were crying. I swear I didn't think we ever thought the tears would stop flowing from our cheeks. We never did catch the scamps who pulled that little prank.
Anyway that is why we were so surprised at the governments generosity. Take all that money back Uncle Sam. When you look at a terrorists wish list, you don't see little fishing towns like Manhattan and swampy backwoods places like the District of Columbia. You See big cities like Steerfuk Wyoming and Sisterlicker Arkansas, places hit by real honest to goodness terrorists. We don't need any of Uncle Sam's dollars non of that government pork for us. It isn't like the government has done anything to inflame the world against my tiny fishing hamlet, you didn't promise us a thing. We don't do much for the country or the world with our little fishing deals and our folksy ways of entertaining ourselves. We like to think we make up clever stories, cute handy craft clothes and some fierce grub but we don't hold a candle to the cultural center of Chattanooga.
There's a little story we like to tell about our town, they say we bought our village from the indians for $24 worth of beads and we joke that the indians got the better of the deal considering how boring our town is but the indians left us with a saying of thanks that I would like to give to the Department of Homeland Security and president Bush. "Phuk -yu. YuGahd dambed Ashoil Kacksukas. Eeeet chit-n-dai."
Roughly translated it means, "Greetings. (literally "much love to you") I feel you are a special person from the very bottom of me, a person who always has the pipe of peace and love in your mouth and is guaranteed a place in the afterlife by the great spirit. Partake of this fragrant meal and be on your way to your destiny. " I think this colorful local saying captures the depth of feeling from all the people in my village toward the Bush administration and the giving Department of Homeland Security.
I hope someday all of them get to cry the tears of laughter me and my family felt. When some mischievous scamp plays a down home, small town prank on them and disappears giggling in to the distance they can rest assured I will help them take their money where it will really do some good and laugh right there with them as tears roll down their cheeks.
What I love most about my town is how safe it is. I have to say, I never have to worry about my family. I remember the worst thing we ever had to worry about was when some pranksters knocked down our Water Toting Towers. WT Towers for short. It fell right down in our back yard. Well I gotta say Pop was pretty steamed at first but then we all busted up laughing till we were crying. I swear I didn't think we ever thought the tears would stop flowing from our cheeks. We never did catch the scamps who pulled that little prank.
Anyway that is why we were so surprised at the governments generosity. Take all that money back Uncle Sam. When you look at a terrorists wish list, you don't see little fishing towns like Manhattan and swampy backwoods places like the District of Columbia. You See big cities like Steerfuk Wyoming and Sisterlicker Arkansas, places hit by real honest to goodness terrorists. We don't need any of Uncle Sam's dollars non of that government pork for us. It isn't like the government has done anything to inflame the world against my tiny fishing hamlet, you didn't promise us a thing. We don't do much for the country or the world with our little fishing deals and our folksy ways of entertaining ourselves. We like to think we make up clever stories, cute handy craft clothes and some fierce grub but we don't hold a candle to the cultural center of Chattanooga.
There's a little story we like to tell about our town, they say we bought our village from the indians for $24 worth of beads and we joke that the indians got the better of the deal considering how boring our town is but the indians left us with a saying of thanks that I would like to give to the Department of Homeland Security and president Bush. "Phuk -yu. YuGahd dambed Ashoil Kacksukas. Eeeet chit-n-dai."
Roughly translated it means, "Greetings. (literally "much love to you") I feel you are a special person from the very bottom of me, a person who always has the pipe of peace and love in your mouth and is guaranteed a place in the afterlife by the great spirit. Partake of this fragrant meal and be on your way to your destiny. " I think this colorful local saying captures the depth of feeling from all the people in my village toward the Bush administration and the giving Department of Homeland Security.
I hope someday all of them get to cry the tears of laughter me and my family felt. When some mischievous scamp plays a down home, small town prank on them and disappears giggling in to the distance they can rest assured I will help them take their money where it will really do some good and laugh right there with them as tears roll down their cheeks.