More Drama (sorry)
I do apologize for the dramatic turn in my posts recently, but the last couple weeks have been very... eventful. Hopefully recording my thoughts and feelings will help me process and work through what has been going on, so bear with me. There are GOOD days... I promise ;)
So I found out late Saturday night that M is moving to VT to LIVE WITH the person she just started seeing last week... just like that. I was stunned.
I do not know if it was the fact that she asked me to stay here and is now moving away, or if it was because this surprise came so close on the heels of the other, but I came to the conclusion that I just could not continue our relationship as it was. I need time to move on a little bit and get over M... I still love her with all my heart (which I guess is one of the problems) but I just cannot experience these emotional upheavals every couple weeks any more.
I know that all of this was bound to happen, and I know this is just part of the process, but unfortunately these thoughts do not calm the maelstrom of emotions inside me. The fact that this has been such a slow process, baby stepping away with assurances that "this is as far apart as we will get; you will see! THEN maybe we can be together..." has made the past few months almost unbearable. M needs time to sort out what she actually wants for herself and what she wants her future to be like, and I need to lay all my hopes to rest and build a new life.
So after much debate, I told M on Saturday that I wanted to go my own way for a while. She tried to convince me not to, which has been the case when this has come up in the past, but I think I was able to explain to her how I was feeling and why this was necessary. Actually, the very fact that she has tried to keep such a tight grip on me might indicate that this is the best thing for her as well. I do wish her the best of luck in VT, and I hope we can be friends again one day.
To any friends of M: I hope you all understand what has happened, and if not feel free to question me about it. I hope we can all stay friends, but if you feel pressured to go one way or another, just let me know you would rather I not message you anymore and all that... I will understand.
So I found out late Saturday night that M is moving to VT to LIVE WITH the person she just started seeing last week... just like that. I was stunned.
I do not know if it was the fact that she asked me to stay here and is now moving away, or if it was because this surprise came so close on the heels of the other, but I came to the conclusion that I just could not continue our relationship as it was. I need time to move on a little bit and get over M... I still love her with all my heart (which I guess is one of the problems) but I just cannot experience these emotional upheavals every couple weeks any more.
I know that all of this was bound to happen, and I know this is just part of the process, but unfortunately these thoughts do not calm the maelstrom of emotions inside me. The fact that this has been such a slow process, baby stepping away with assurances that "this is as far apart as we will get; you will see! THEN maybe we can be together..." has made the past few months almost unbearable. M needs time to sort out what she actually wants for herself and what she wants her future to be like, and I need to lay all my hopes to rest and build a new life.
So after much debate, I told M on Saturday that I wanted to go my own way for a while. She tried to convince me not to, which has been the case when this has come up in the past, but I think I was able to explain to her how I was feeling and why this was necessary. Actually, the very fact that she has tried to keep such a tight grip on me might indicate that this is the best thing for her as well. I do wish her the best of luck in VT, and I hope we can be friends again one day.
To any friends of M: I hope you all understand what has happened, and if not feel free to question me about it. I hope we can all stay friends, but if you feel pressured to go one way or another, just let me know you would rather I not message you anymore and all that... I will understand.