Passerà (H/D, NC-17)

[sesheta_66]

Title: Passerà
Author: sesheta_66
Beta: charmed310
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word count: ~9900 words
Genre: angst, romance
Summary: Harry finds himself going through the motions of life. Not sure how he got here, but sure he can't continue on this way, he decides to leave England and the wizarding world behind. But what about Draco?

Comments

[house_illrepute]

"And I think he may be suffering from depression. I read --"

"Well there's a surprise. ..."

lol! fuckin' prick!

one point (minor) with this part:

"I won't," Harry promised.

"Yes, you will, Harry." Draco knew him too well to believe otherwise.

"Yes, I will," Harry acknowledged with the beginnings of a smile forming on his lips.

"And when you do, I will push back."

"Fair enough."

"And when I say that you need to give me space --"

"I will give you space." Draco narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "I promise."

"And you will never, ever leave me again." It was not a question.

i kinda lost track of who was saying what in the
red part. it is minor, of course, but it was enough to drag me out so that i may count the lines after the last 'Harry acknowledged...' part.

but, this was an excellent character study, and the dream sequences were... well... ahem ~dries boy!panties~

well done!

[sesheta_66]

Better? *points up*

Glad you liked. Ooooh ... dream sequences?

*hands you fresh boy!panties*

[house_illrepute]

well... yes and no, i guess. i dunno if this is just a style thing... but, i'd have done this:

"Fair enough," Harry agreed. "And when I say that you need to give me space --"

unless there was a change of action, like:

"Fair enough," Harry agreed.

Harry took Draco's hand and some cheesy shit happened and then Draco slipped and his cock slipped into Harry's bum. "And when I say that you need to give me space -- ouchie! m'arse!!"

that's just how i'd been taught(ish), but i don't know if it's my prof's style shaping my style or if there's some hard-and-fast rules about "beats" and "dialogs" or whatever they call it.

i dunno... ignore me.

[sesheta_66]

*cracks up*

Um ... the change is that it's Draco saying the next part. I'll rethink the next part then.

[sesheta_66]

Better now?