Worthy of Love (H/D, PG-13)
Title: Worthy of Love
Author:
sesheta_66
Word Count: 1045
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Challenge: "Albus Dumbledore" for
hd_angst
Disclaimer: HP world belongs to JK Rowling. No money made by me - I am only playing.
Harry awoke to find a visibly shaken Draco standing beside the bed staring at him.
"Wha?" he asked, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake up.
"You had a nightmare."
"I did?"
"Mhm. About Dumbledore. About the night he was killed, the night I let everyone into Hogwarts."
"Oh," Harry said.
"Is that all you have to say?"
"Well, what else should I say?"
"How about telling me how you really feel? Like how you hate me, and you want to see me dead for everything I did, about ..."
"What are you talking about? I don't hate you, and I certainly don't want you dead."
"You could have fooled me."
"Oh, really?" Harry was irritated now. Did he have to defend himself against a bloody dream now? Merlin, Draco's insecurities were getting on his nerves. "So the fact that we shag daily - sometimes more than once, I might add - suggests to you that I hate you? Well that makes perfect sense!" He threw the covers off himself and got out of bed.
"You didn't hear what you were saying."
"Enlighten me then, Draco. What was my dream self saying that has you convinced that the real me is just a liar? This should be good."
"I never said you were a liar."
"Oh, but you did. The fact that you insist that I hate you, even though I tell you I don't - what do you call that?"
"I call that delusional thinking. You don't want to hate me, but you do. Your conscious mind just isn't listening to what your subconscious already knows."
"Oh, for the love of Merlin, stop with your psychobabble! I swear sometimes you want to break up with me, but you just don't have the balls to do it! So you come up with the most inane ways to make it about me wanting to break up with you." He glared at Draco as he stormed into the washroom and slammed the door.
When he came back out, he was greeted by the sight of a morose Draco sitting on the end of the bed. He looked close to tears. The sight just pissed Harry off even more. He glared at Draco again, and went to get himself breakfast.
"You were screaming my name, and saying to wanted to kill me, that I was a cowardly, meaningless piece of shite that didn't deserve to walk the face of the earth." Harry's back went rigid as he heard the words tumble out of Draco's mouth, resonating pain, hurt, disappointment. He looked at Draco, and realized just how devastated he was.
"Is that all?" Harry said, trying to make light of the situation. Draco's eyes widened.
"I should think that's enough, Harry."
"Well, that's where you are wrong. Come here," he said, holding his hand out to his boyfriend and pulling him into a hug. "I love you, you stupid, stupid man."
"That's hardly reassuring, Potter."
"Right. Well, it will be when I'm finished. You need to promise me that you will hear me out."
"Okay." The word was said barely above a whisper.
"I was screaming your name that night because I knew what you had done - everything - because I was there on the tower with you and Dumbledore, under my invisibility cloak."
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"I'm not really sure. Maybe because I try not to think of that night too often. But I'm telling you now, if you'll let me finish." Draco nodded for Harry to continue. "I heard Dumbledore ask you why, I heard your reply, and I saw you drop your wand. You're not a killer, Draco."
"So if you were there, why didn't you kill me then? Or at least hex me?"
"Dumbledore had cast a spell on me, so I couldn't move. All I could do was stand there and watch."
"That must have nearly killed you."
"You have no idea. Anyway, I saw the Death Eaters arrive. I saw that you couldn't kill Dumbledore, even when they pressed you to. And I saw Snape cast the Avada Kadavra curse that you didn't."
"He had promised Dumbledore that he would do it," Draco said aloud, even though he knew this was old news to Harry. Snape had been absolved of any wrongdoing when some of the headmaster's memories were accessed after his death.
"It was Snape I wanted to kill. Snape that I thought was a coward, unworthy, and deserving of death. Not you. Never you, Draco."
"But you kept screaming my name!"
"Yes, because I wanted to catch up with you, ask you why the hell you had let all this happen. I wanted to scream at you for not going to Dumbledore for help. But from the moment I heard your conversation with Dumbledore, and I saw you drop your wand, I no longer wanted to exact revenge on you. That was a special treat that was reserved for Snape.
"But you were wrong about Snape."
"I was wrong about Snape," Harry acknowledged. "And you are wrong about me. I love you Draco, but I can't keep doing this. I have told you my feelings. We were enemies once, and you were always a formidable one. I watch you wither away lately, and I can't stand it. You used to think yourself worthy of greatness, but now ... you seem to cut yourself down at every opportunity."
"I know I do, but ..."
"But nothing, Draco. You are worthy of love. You deserve that and so much more out of life. Don't ever doubt that. You were a prat as a child, but you have grown up now. You made some terrible choices in the past, but you have turned your life around. You have paid for your sins, Draco, and it's time to move on."
"I'll try, Harry."
"Please do, because if you keep up the self-deprecating behaviour, you may end up killing the love that I have for you, and I can't bare the thought of that."
"I will try," he said again.
"Okay then." Harry kissed him on the forehead, and wrapped his arms around Draco in a gentle hug. "I suppose that's all I can ask of you for now."