All Yours (H/D, PG-13)
Title: All Yours
Author: sesheta_66
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3085
Pairing/Characters: Harry/Draco
Challenge: For hpstrangelove's birthday prompt of "I never wanted you to know how I really felt, back in school." It also fits my GJ 100_prompts table #095 - "Death"
Summary: Draco finally has what he longed for so many years ago, but is he willing to risk that for something even better?
Disclaimer: The author is not responsible for underage readers. Please observe the ratings, warnings, and age of legal consent for your country. The characters contained herein are not mine. They belong to JK Rowling and her publishers. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.
A/N: Canon compliant, except for the epilogue. In other words, EWE.
Walking down the streets of Diagon Alley, Harry's mind wandered back, as it so often did, to the days at Hogwarts. He could hardly call them carefree, but there had been moments. Ones he desperately wanted to hold onto, but like a loved one that has passed, the memories of those days were fading, so they now felt more dream-like, almost as though they had happened to someone else.
What is wrong with me? Harry thought, chastising himself for being so morose ... again. It had been five years since the battle of Hogwarts, since Tom Riddle had met his end. Five years since Harry and so many others had lost so much, and had had to move on, rebuild, continue living.
Some had done better than others. Ron and Hermione seemed fine, on the most part. They had grieved their losses, but had managed to pick up the pieces of their lives and look ahead. Of course, they had each other, which helped. Harry presumed that having another person in whom you could confide, someone who had been through the same things you had, that could relate to, if not completely understand, what you were feeling, would help the healing process.
He supposed he had Ron and Hermione, and yet he didn't. The only people he'd ever been close enough to that he could relate to on that level were gone. His parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Remus - they were all gone. Sometimes he even questioned his decision to come back from the dead, when he knew they were all just beyond, waiting for him. Death had a strange sort of appeal in those moments, but they were fleeting, and he knew he had done the right thing. Still, it was difficult feeling this alone all the time.
His head deep in thought, Harry collided with someone as he rounded the corner, the other person's packages falling to the ground.
"I'm sorry, let me --" Harry looked up to see Draco Malfoy looking back at him. "Malfoy?"
"Potter."
"Wow, I haven't seen you in --"
"Five years, I know. I just returned to England about a week ago."
"Oh, well, you look --" Harry stopped abruptly, realising suddenly who he was talking to.
Draco rolled his eyes. "Like my father, I know," he deadpanned.
"No, no. That's not what I was going to say at all," Harry hastened to explain.
"No?" Draco sounded surprised. Harry shook his head. "I've been hearing that all week, every time I run into someone from school."
"Well, actually, I was going to say you look good."
"Oh, really?" Draco replied with a characteristic challenge to his voice. "And to what do I owe the honour of you bestowing a compliment upon me?"
Harry shrugged. "Just telling it like it is. Last time I saw you was right after the war, and I don't think any of us looked all that great then. You in particular hadn't been eating well and it showed. That and having Voldemort living at your house, with all the fringe benefits that went along with it. You had seen far better days. Now you look good. You look healthy and content, and if I do say so myself, you have filled out quite nicely. So yeah ... you look good. Very good, in fact."
Draco was speechless. Harry knew he wasn't used to this forthright, frank and confident version of Harry (truth be told, it had taken Harry a while to get used to it himself), and he had to admit he was amused by Draco's reaction.
"You're looking pretty good yourself, Potter."
"Why thank you," Harry said with a smile. "How long are you in town for? Maybe we could grab a coffee sometime."
Again Draco stood there staring, saying nothing for a few moments.
"You do know coffee, right? It's that beverage that tastes a bit bitter, takes some getting used to, and in high doses puts you on edge?"
"Very funny, Potter."
"Hey, you know what? If I didn't know better, I'd think I was describing you!" Harry joked.
Draco smiled wickedly at that comment. "Why, Potter, you have no idea how I taste."
Harry could feel a slight blush come over his cheeks at that comment. "Point," he chuckled. "So, coffee?"
"Oh, right. I'm free now, if you've nothing planned."
That was how it had begun. It was six months later, and the two of them met at least twice a week for coffee, and they had dinner together every fortnight. Once in a while, they even caught a Quidditch game. Harry no longer felt alone.
"Hey, mate, why don't you drop by Saturday night for supper?" Ron asked as he showed up unexpectedly at Harry's office. "Hermione's rustling up a roast and Yorkshire pudding. She might even be persuaded to pick up some treacle tart for dessert."
"No thanks," Harry replied. "I've got plans already, but I'll take a rain check."
"Plans? Since when?"
"Actually, it's a standing arrangement. Every other Saturday."
"And why haven't I heard about this lucky witch?"
"Because there isn't one."
"Oh," Ron replied, furrowing his brow. His eyes went wide as he asked, "Lucky wizard, then?"
Harry laughed. "A friend," he replied.
"Oh," Ron said again, looking mildly relieved. At Harry's questioning look, he hastily added, "Not that there's anything wrong with that! It's just ... well ... I mean, if you ... you know ... you'd tell me, right?"
"Perhaps," Harry said slyly.
"So does this friend have a name?"
"Yup." After that last exchange, Harry wasn't going to make this easy on Ron.
"And it is ...?"
"Draco."
"Malfoy? You have a date with Malfoy?"
"Dinner plans, yes. A date, no."
"Since when ... I mean I thought he had left the country ... and since when are the two of you friends?" Ron spluttered.
"We've been having dinner regularly for the past four months or so. He was out of the country, but returned after five years away. And we've been friends now for about six months."
"Why ... you didn't ... how come this is the first I'm hearing of it?"
"Well, you and I don't see that much of each other lately, Ron. And I suppose it didn't come up the few times we have."
"But Malfoy. You two hated each other."
"Hate's a strong word, Ron. We didn't exactly get along, but now we do. Quite well, actually."
"You know that he's ... well ..."
Harry frowned. "He's what?"
"He's gay."
"I thought you just said there wasn't anything wrong with that."
"There isn't," Ron replied. Harry fixed him with a look that challenged his response. "It's just that this is Malfoy. And he's gay. And you go out with him twice a month."
"Actually, we meet for coffee a couple of times a week as well," Harry interjected.
"Don't you think that's a bit odd?"
"What is?"
"That you seem to be dating a gay man, yet you are completely unaware of it."
"We aren't dating, Ron. We're friends. Friends that aren't busy with their family commitments. Friends that make the time to get together for a coffee or dinner."
"Oh, and I don't make the time for you? Is that it?" Ron's temper was threatening.
"Relax," Harry said. "That's not what I meant at all. You and Hermione are busy, I get that. But I'm not. And there's nothing wrong with me making other friends and spending time with them. Or is there?"
"But why does it have to be Malfoy?" Ron all but whined the name.
Harry laughed. "Because I like him. Is that so hard to believe?"
Ron looked strangely at Harry. "Unfortunately, it's not," he finally said. "So, a rain check it is, then?"
"Thanks. Say hi to Hermione for me."
"Yeah, alright."
Saturday night came, and it was Draco's turn to choose the restaurant. Harry arrived to find him already seated at a quiet booth in the back of the establishment. Draco's face lit up as he saw Harry approaching. Harry's stomach did a bit of a flip. Well, that was new.
"Sorry I couldn't make our coffee date the other day. Work just overwhelmed me," Draco explained as Harry took his seat.
Date. He distinctly said coffee date. "That's alright. I was a bit busy that day anyway. Besides, I knew I'd see you today, so no worries."
Draco smiled again, and Harry felt that twinge inside once more. Merlin, was Ron right?
Some time later, after the waitress had taken their orders and left them to wait, Draco asked, "Is there something wrong, Harry? You seem distracted."
"Oh, it's nothing," he replied, not exactly sure what he was thinking.
Draco frowned. "It's not nothing, Harry. You seem ... well, you seem like you're not here. You're not mad about me missing coffee the other day, are you?"
"No, it's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"What are we doing, Draco?"
"What are we -- what?"
"I saw Ron the other day," Harry explained. "And he invited me to dinner with him and Hermione tonight."
Draco's face closed instantly. Harry was stunned; he hadn't seen that look since they had been in school.
"If you'd rather have spent the evening in their company, you could have just cancelled," Draco said through clenched teeth. He made to get up, but Harry grabbed his hand and held him back.
"That's not what I meant," Harry explained.
"Really? So why is it that your mind has been elsewhere ever since you arrived?"
"Well ... I was thinking about something that Ron said," Harry began, not entirely sure where this conversation would lead. Looking at Draco's expression, not quite as guarded as it had been, but certainly not friendly, he added, "about us."
"Us?" Draco asked. His gaze fell to Harry's hand, still over his own.
Harry drew his hand away and continued. "Yes, us. I told Ron that I couldn't make it to dinner tonight because I already had plans."
"With me."
"Well, he assumed that I had a date. When I explained that it was a standing arrangement, and when I told him it was with you, he --"
"Pitched a fit?" Draco inserted, a bit of a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"No, not exactly."
"Oh, come on! There's no way the weasel would want us to be friends."
"Well, you see, that's not what he thinks we are."
"What to you mean?" Draco asked, eyes narrowing.
"Well, he asked me if I knew you were gay."
"And?"
"And I asked him why that would matter, and he said it wouldn't."
"Yeah, right."
"No, really. He just thought it was odd that we'd been dating for so long, but I didn't even realize it."
"He what?"
"Yeah, he figures --"
"Because you can't possibly be friends with a gay man?"
"No, I don't think that's it."
"Oh, really? Do tell. What does the weasel think, then?"
"He sort of left without saying exactly what he's thinking, but when I asked him if it was so hard to believe that I like you, he sounded resigned and said that no, it wasn't hard to believe at all."
"So now I'm confused, Harry. We've been friends for a while now, and you told Weasley, and he didn't have a conniption. Yet your mind is anywhere but here. I don't get it."
Harry took a deep breath and braced himself for the conversation ahead. "I had never even thought about us as ... dating."
"That's because we're not," Draco hastened to reply. "We're friends."
"Would it be so awful if we weren't? Just friends, I mean?"
"What are you saying, Harry?"
"I'm wondering if there may be something to what Ron is saying, but you're the only one who can answer that. I've never had any indication from you one way or the other. I may be a bit oblivious sometimes, but ever since talking to Ron, I've been mulling over every conversation, every dinner we've had, and there's nothing that I've picked up on, even in retrospect."
"Harry, we're friends. Let's just leave it at that, okay?" Draco looked imploringly into Harry's eyes as he said that.
"Is that what you want?" Harry asked. "What you really want?"
Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Why are you doing this, Harry?"
"Doing what?"
"This! Changing what we have. You're not gay. Why on earth would you want to suggest something like this? As an experiment? Did you want to find out if you could be interested in men?" Draco had an almost hurt expression on his face as he continued. "I'm not some testing ground for you, Harry. I value our friendship, and I would have thought you did too." He stood up, and this time Harry wasn't fast enough to stop him. "I'm going to the washroom."
Their meals arrived, and Draco still hadn't come back. Harry was about to go look for him when he returned.
"Draco, I --"
Draco's raised hand stopped Harry from continuing. "Let's just forget we ever had that conversation, and enjoy our meal, shall we?"
"I didn't mean --"
"Harry, please."
They ate their meal in uncomfortable silence, the unresolved issue hanging heavily in the air. When the waitress had taken away their plates, and left them with the bill, Harry spoke up.
"Draco, I have something to say, so please let me say it. Hear me out, and if you never want to speak of it again, that's fine. But I really need to do this, okay?"
Draco scowled, but nodded his head in agreement.
"I do value our friendship. More than you'll ever know. I had never thought of us as anything more than friends before talking to Ron. But since that day, I've thought of very little else. I've thought about how much you've brought into my life, how much our 'dates' or 'non-dates' mean to me, how I look forward to seeing your smile, hearing your voice, and just spending time with you. I told Ron that I like you, and I meant it. But I don't think I even knew how much I liked you until I walked in here tonight.
"When you smiled at me as I walked to the table, it was like nothing and no one else existed but you. I don't know what's happening to me, or between us, but I assure you it has nothing to do with me wanting to 'find out' anything about myself. It has everything to do with you.
"So, I'll ask you again, would it be so awful if we weren't just friends? If we were something more than friends?"
"Harry, please don't."
"Don't what?"
"Make me choose."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I never want to go back to the way things were between us, the way they were in school. I couldn't bear that."
"What makes you think that we could ever go back to that?"
"I've seen what happens when relationships don't work. People end up hating each other, just like we did in school. I can't go through that again."
"What do you mean, again?"
"I mean that you really hurt me back in school, when you rejected my friendship."
"I did?"
"Yes, you did. I spent the next seven years lashing out at you, hoping that hurt would go away. But then I'd see you with your friends, and ..."
"And what, Draco?" Harry asked, reaching out to hold Draco's hand in his own.
"And ... I never wanted you to know how I really felt, back in school, but I was so jealous. I wanted what you had. That bond that real friends have. I wanted that with you, but I couldn't have it, and I hated you, I hated Weasley, and I hated Granger. But most of all, I hated myself for being such a prat that first time we met. If I hadn't been --"
"Draco, slow down. You were eleven years old. That's the past. I know what you're like now, and we are friends."
"That's just it, Harry. We're friends now. I would never want to do anything to risk losing what we have. Not even if I ..." His voice trailed off and he looked away from Harry.
"Not even if you wanted it?" Harry asked.
"Yeah," Draco replied.
Harry left enough money on the table to settle the bill, stood up and pulled Draco up with him. "Let's go," he said, leading the way outside. Once they got to a safe point, Harry Apparated them back to his place.
"Harry! What did you --"
"Shhh," Harry said. "I wanted to continue our discussion somewhere more private, that's all."
"I thought we were done."
Harry reached out and cupped Draco's cheeks, pulling him towards him. He planted a soft kiss on Draco's lips, then pulled back. "I don't think so," Harry said with a smile.
Draco closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Harry's. "Don't do this to me, Harry. I couldn't bear to lose you."
"I'm not going anywhere," Harry assured him.
"But what if it doesn't work out? What if --"
"Do you want this?" Harry interrupted.
"That's not the point."
"Do you want this?" Harry asked again, putting his fingers under Draco's chin and lifting his face up to look at him. "Because I do," Harry whispered against his mouth, and he thought he heard Draco moan softly. He brushed his lips against Draco's and felt the blonde's body relent, relax.
Harry licked a slow line along Draco's bottom lip, unable to stop now that he had begun. He nibbled at the soft flesh gently, and was pleased when Draco parted his lips and he could deepen the kiss. When their tongues connected, Harry felt as though he were falling into a deep abyss, one from which he never wanted to surface. He weaved his fingers through Draco's hair, and he felt Draco's arms wrap around him as their tongues explored with increasing fervour.
Fighting the urge to take this further, Harry gradually slowed the kiss, eventually pulling back to look into smouldering grey eyes.
"Do you want this?" Harry asked again, his voice raspy and lust-filled.
"Yes," Draco whispered. "Always."
"I'm right here, Draco. I'm not going anywhere." He kissed Draco again to prove his point. "I'm all yours."
Draco smiled wickedly at Harry, pulling their bodies close together. "All mine," he whispered.
.
Author: sesheta_66
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3085
Pairing/Characters: Harry/Draco
Challenge: For hpstrangelove's birthday prompt of "I never wanted you to know how I really felt, back in school." It also fits my GJ 100_prompts table #095 - "Death"
Summary: Draco finally has what he longed for so many years ago, but is he willing to risk that for something even better?
Disclaimer: The author is not responsible for underage readers. Please observe the ratings, warnings, and age of legal consent for your country. The characters contained herein are not mine. They belong to JK Rowling and her publishers. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.
A/N: Canon compliant, except for the epilogue. In other words, EWE.
Walking down the streets of Diagon Alley, Harry's mind wandered back, as it so often did, to the days at Hogwarts. He could hardly call them carefree, but there had been moments. Ones he desperately wanted to hold onto, but like a loved one that has passed, the memories of those days were fading, so they now felt more dream-like, almost as though they had happened to someone else.
What is wrong with me? Harry thought, chastising himself for being so morose ... again. It had been five years since the battle of Hogwarts, since Tom Riddle had met his end. Five years since Harry and so many others had lost so much, and had had to move on, rebuild, continue living.
Some had done better than others. Ron and Hermione seemed fine, on the most part. They had grieved their losses, but had managed to pick up the pieces of their lives and look ahead. Of course, they had each other, which helped. Harry presumed that having another person in whom you could confide, someone who had been through the same things you had, that could relate to, if not completely understand, what you were feeling, would help the healing process.
He supposed he had Ron and Hermione, and yet he didn't. The only people he'd ever been close enough to that he could relate to on that level were gone. His parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Remus - they were all gone. Sometimes he even questioned his decision to come back from the dead, when he knew they were all just beyond, waiting for him. Death had a strange sort of appeal in those moments, but they were fleeting, and he knew he had done the right thing. Still, it was difficult feeling this alone all the time.
His head deep in thought, Harry collided with someone as he rounded the corner, the other person's packages falling to the ground.
"I'm sorry, let me --" Harry looked up to see Draco Malfoy looking back at him. "Malfoy?"
"Potter."
"Wow, I haven't seen you in --"
"Five years, I know. I just returned to England about a week ago."
"Oh, well, you look --" Harry stopped abruptly, realising suddenly who he was talking to.
Draco rolled his eyes. "Like my father, I know," he deadpanned.
"No, no. That's not what I was going to say at all," Harry hastened to explain.
"No?" Draco sounded surprised. Harry shook his head. "I've been hearing that all week, every time I run into someone from school."
"Well, actually, I was going to say you look good."
"Oh, really?" Draco replied with a characteristic challenge to his voice. "And to what do I owe the honour of you bestowing a compliment upon me?"
Harry shrugged. "Just telling it like it is. Last time I saw you was right after the war, and I don't think any of us looked all that great then. You in particular hadn't been eating well and it showed. That and having Voldemort living at your house, with all the fringe benefits that went along with it. You had seen far better days. Now you look good. You look healthy and content, and if I do say so myself, you have filled out quite nicely. So yeah ... you look good. Very good, in fact."
Draco was speechless. Harry knew he wasn't used to this forthright, frank and confident version of Harry (truth be told, it had taken Harry a while to get used to it himself), and he had to admit he was amused by Draco's reaction.
"You're looking pretty good yourself, Potter."
"Why thank you," Harry said with a smile. "How long are you in town for? Maybe we could grab a coffee sometime."
Again Draco stood there staring, saying nothing for a few moments.
"You do know coffee, right? It's that beverage that tastes a bit bitter, takes some getting used to, and in high doses puts you on edge?"
"Very funny, Potter."
"Hey, you know what? If I didn't know better, I'd think I was describing you!" Harry joked.
Draco smiled wickedly at that comment. "Why, Potter, you have no idea how I taste."
Harry could feel a slight blush come over his cheeks at that comment. "Point," he chuckled. "So, coffee?"
"Oh, right. I'm free now, if you've nothing planned."
That was how it had begun. It was six months later, and the two of them met at least twice a week for coffee, and they had dinner together every fortnight. Once in a while, they even caught a Quidditch game. Harry no longer felt alone.
"Hey, mate, why don't you drop by Saturday night for supper?" Ron asked as he showed up unexpectedly at Harry's office. "Hermione's rustling up a roast and Yorkshire pudding. She might even be persuaded to pick up some treacle tart for dessert."
"No thanks," Harry replied. "I've got plans already, but I'll take a rain check."
"Plans? Since when?"
"Actually, it's a standing arrangement. Every other Saturday."
"And why haven't I heard about this lucky witch?"
"Because there isn't one."
"Oh," Ron replied, furrowing his brow. His eyes went wide as he asked, "Lucky wizard, then?"
Harry laughed. "A friend," he replied.
"Oh," Ron said again, looking mildly relieved. At Harry's questioning look, he hastily added, "Not that there's anything wrong with that! It's just ... well ... I mean, if you ... you know ... you'd tell me, right?"
"Perhaps," Harry said slyly.
"So does this friend have a name?"
"Yup." After that last exchange, Harry wasn't going to make this easy on Ron.
"And it is ...?"
"Draco."
"Malfoy? You have a date with Malfoy?"
"Dinner plans, yes. A date, no."
"Since when ... I mean I thought he had left the country ... and since when are the two of you friends?" Ron spluttered.
"We've been having dinner regularly for the past four months or so. He was out of the country, but returned after five years away. And we've been friends now for about six months."
"Why ... you didn't ... how come this is the first I'm hearing of it?"
"Well, you and I don't see that much of each other lately, Ron. And I suppose it didn't come up the few times we have."
"But Malfoy. You two hated each other."
"Hate's a strong word, Ron. We didn't exactly get along, but now we do. Quite well, actually."
"You know that he's ... well ..."
Harry frowned. "He's what?"
"He's gay."
"I thought you just said there wasn't anything wrong with that."
"There isn't," Ron replied. Harry fixed him with a look that challenged his response. "It's just that this is Malfoy. And he's gay. And you go out with him twice a month."
"Actually, we meet for coffee a couple of times a week as well," Harry interjected.
"Don't you think that's a bit odd?"
"What is?"
"That you seem to be dating a gay man, yet you are completely unaware of it."
"We aren't dating, Ron. We're friends. Friends that aren't busy with their family commitments. Friends that make the time to get together for a coffee or dinner."
"Oh, and I don't make the time for you? Is that it?" Ron's temper was threatening.
"Relax," Harry said. "That's not what I meant at all. You and Hermione are busy, I get that. But I'm not. And there's nothing wrong with me making other friends and spending time with them. Or is there?"
"But why does it have to be Malfoy?" Ron all but whined the name.
Harry laughed. "Because I like him. Is that so hard to believe?"
Ron looked strangely at Harry. "Unfortunately, it's not," he finally said. "So, a rain check it is, then?"
"Thanks. Say hi to Hermione for me."
"Yeah, alright."
Saturday night came, and it was Draco's turn to choose the restaurant. Harry arrived to find him already seated at a quiet booth in the back of the establishment. Draco's face lit up as he saw Harry approaching. Harry's stomach did a bit of a flip. Well, that was new.
"Sorry I couldn't make our coffee date the other day. Work just overwhelmed me," Draco explained as Harry took his seat.
Date. He distinctly said coffee date. "That's alright. I was a bit busy that day anyway. Besides, I knew I'd see you today, so no worries."
Draco smiled again, and Harry felt that twinge inside once more. Merlin, was Ron right?
Some time later, after the waitress had taken their orders and left them to wait, Draco asked, "Is there something wrong, Harry? You seem distracted."
"Oh, it's nothing," he replied, not exactly sure what he was thinking.
Draco frowned. "It's not nothing, Harry. You seem ... well, you seem like you're not here. You're not mad about me missing coffee the other day, are you?"
"No, it's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"What are we doing, Draco?"
"What are we -- what?"
"I saw Ron the other day," Harry explained. "And he invited me to dinner with him and Hermione tonight."
Draco's face closed instantly. Harry was stunned; he hadn't seen that look since they had been in school.
"If you'd rather have spent the evening in their company, you could have just cancelled," Draco said through clenched teeth. He made to get up, but Harry grabbed his hand and held him back.
"That's not what I meant," Harry explained.
"Really? So why is it that your mind has been elsewhere ever since you arrived?"
"Well ... I was thinking about something that Ron said," Harry began, not entirely sure where this conversation would lead. Looking at Draco's expression, not quite as guarded as it had been, but certainly not friendly, he added, "about us."
"Us?" Draco asked. His gaze fell to Harry's hand, still over his own.
Harry drew his hand away and continued. "Yes, us. I told Ron that I couldn't make it to dinner tonight because I already had plans."
"With me."
"Well, he assumed that I had a date. When I explained that it was a standing arrangement, and when I told him it was with you, he --"
"Pitched a fit?" Draco inserted, a bit of a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"No, not exactly."
"Oh, come on! There's no way the weasel would want us to be friends."
"Well, you see, that's not what he thinks we are."
"What to you mean?" Draco asked, eyes narrowing.
"Well, he asked me if I knew you were gay."
"And?"
"And I asked him why that would matter, and he said it wouldn't."
"Yeah, right."
"No, really. He just thought it was odd that we'd been dating for so long, but I didn't even realize it."
"He what?"
"Yeah, he figures --"
"Because you can't possibly be friends with a gay man?"
"No, I don't think that's it."
"Oh, really? Do tell. What does the weasel think, then?"
"He sort of left without saying exactly what he's thinking, but when I asked him if it was so hard to believe that I like you, he sounded resigned and said that no, it wasn't hard to believe at all."
"So now I'm confused, Harry. We've been friends for a while now, and you told Weasley, and he didn't have a conniption. Yet your mind is anywhere but here. I don't get it."
Harry took a deep breath and braced himself for the conversation ahead. "I had never even thought about us as ... dating."
"That's because we're not," Draco hastened to reply. "We're friends."
"Would it be so awful if we weren't? Just friends, I mean?"
"What are you saying, Harry?"
"I'm wondering if there may be something to what Ron is saying, but you're the only one who can answer that. I've never had any indication from you one way or the other. I may be a bit oblivious sometimes, but ever since talking to Ron, I've been mulling over every conversation, every dinner we've had, and there's nothing that I've picked up on, even in retrospect."
"Harry, we're friends. Let's just leave it at that, okay?" Draco looked imploringly into Harry's eyes as he said that.
"Is that what you want?" Harry asked. "What you really want?"
Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Why are you doing this, Harry?"
"Doing what?"
"This! Changing what we have. You're not gay. Why on earth would you want to suggest something like this? As an experiment? Did you want to find out if you could be interested in men?" Draco had an almost hurt expression on his face as he continued. "I'm not some testing ground for you, Harry. I value our friendship, and I would have thought you did too." He stood up, and this time Harry wasn't fast enough to stop him. "I'm going to the washroom."
Their meals arrived, and Draco still hadn't come back. Harry was about to go look for him when he returned.
"Draco, I --"
Draco's raised hand stopped Harry from continuing. "Let's just forget we ever had that conversation, and enjoy our meal, shall we?"
"I didn't mean --"
"Harry, please."
They ate their meal in uncomfortable silence, the unresolved issue hanging heavily in the air. When the waitress had taken away their plates, and left them with the bill, Harry spoke up.
"Draco, I have something to say, so please let me say it. Hear me out, and if you never want to speak of it again, that's fine. But I really need to do this, okay?"
Draco scowled, but nodded his head in agreement.
"I do value our friendship. More than you'll ever know. I had never thought of us as anything more than friends before talking to Ron. But since that day, I've thought of very little else. I've thought about how much you've brought into my life, how much our 'dates' or 'non-dates' mean to me, how I look forward to seeing your smile, hearing your voice, and just spending time with you. I told Ron that I like you, and I meant it. But I don't think I even knew how much I liked you until I walked in here tonight.
"When you smiled at me as I walked to the table, it was like nothing and no one else existed but you. I don't know what's happening to me, or between us, but I assure you it has nothing to do with me wanting to 'find out' anything about myself. It has everything to do with you.
"So, I'll ask you again, would it be so awful if we weren't just friends? If we were something more than friends?"
"Harry, please don't."
"Don't what?"
"Make me choose."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I never want to go back to the way things were between us, the way they were in school. I couldn't bear that."
"What makes you think that we could ever go back to that?"
"I've seen what happens when relationships don't work. People end up hating each other, just like we did in school. I can't go through that again."
"What do you mean, again?"
"I mean that you really hurt me back in school, when you rejected my friendship."
"I did?"
"Yes, you did. I spent the next seven years lashing out at you, hoping that hurt would go away. But then I'd see you with your friends, and ..."
"And what, Draco?" Harry asked, reaching out to hold Draco's hand in his own.
"And ... I never wanted you to know how I really felt, back in school, but I was so jealous. I wanted what you had. That bond that real friends have. I wanted that with you, but I couldn't have it, and I hated you, I hated Weasley, and I hated Granger. But most of all, I hated myself for being such a prat that first time we met. If I hadn't been --"
"Draco, slow down. You were eleven years old. That's the past. I know what you're like now, and we are friends."
"That's just it, Harry. We're friends now. I would never want to do anything to risk losing what we have. Not even if I ..." His voice trailed off and he looked away from Harry.
"Not even if you wanted it?" Harry asked.
"Yeah," Draco replied.
Harry left enough money on the table to settle the bill, stood up and pulled Draco up with him. "Let's go," he said, leading the way outside. Once they got to a safe point, Harry Apparated them back to his place.
"Harry! What did you --"
"Shhh," Harry said. "I wanted to continue our discussion somewhere more private, that's all."
"I thought we were done."
Harry reached out and cupped Draco's cheeks, pulling him towards him. He planted a soft kiss on Draco's lips, then pulled back. "I don't think so," Harry said with a smile.
Draco closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Harry's. "Don't do this to me, Harry. I couldn't bear to lose you."
"I'm not going anywhere," Harry assured him.
"But what if it doesn't work out? What if --"
"Do you want this?" Harry interrupted.
"That's not the point."
"Do you want this?" Harry asked again, putting his fingers under Draco's chin and lifting his face up to look at him. "Because I do," Harry whispered against his mouth, and he thought he heard Draco moan softly. He brushed his lips against Draco's and felt the blonde's body relent, relax.
Harry licked a slow line along Draco's bottom lip, unable to stop now that he had begun. He nibbled at the soft flesh gently, and was pleased when Draco parted his lips and he could deepen the kiss. When their tongues connected, Harry felt as though he were falling into a deep abyss, one from which he never wanted to surface. He weaved his fingers through Draco's hair, and he felt Draco's arms wrap around him as their tongues explored with increasing fervour.
Fighting the urge to take this further, Harry gradually slowed the kiss, eventually pulling back to look into smouldering grey eyes.
"Do you want this?" Harry asked again, his voice raspy and lust-filled.
"Yes," Draco whispered. "Always."
"I'm right here, Draco. I'm not going anywhere." He kissed Draco again to prove his point. "I'm all yours."
Draco smiled wickedly at Harry, pulling their bodies close together. "All mine," he whispered.
.