You have been defining yourself as: The defender of those that I love. For most of your life. But now you have brought this existence into question with the realization that you might be being used. And this troubles you because you have done all that you have done because you believed that the people that you have done these things for loved you to some degree, but now you have found out that they may not have loved you as much as you had thought. With these resent thoughts you now see holes in your rationality for your existence. Now you ask: Is this all who I want to be? Is there something more? Should there be something more to my life sense what has worked in the past no longer seems defined and now looks gray? People crave solidarity in their life to some degree or another. Yours has been shaken.
"It hurts. It really does. I'm not as strong as people make me out to be. I'm a master at putting on an act. So masterful that sometimes I even fool myself. But then it hits me again. And the weakness floods right back in. Crushing the dams that I worked so hard to build."
If I understood you right, would the "it" be talking about the realization that maybe the people that you love don't love you back?
It seems to me this sums it up, "I suppose I just wonder if there’s someone out there that’s willing to do for me what I have done for countless others."
Tell me if I'm wrong: Throughout your life you have acted like the one you wish to meet. The person that is strong, wise, kind, helpful, and loving. You have went throughout your life being that way to other people in hopes of finding that person that would reciprocate your love back unto you. But within this quest you have found that the people, who you love, are just taking advantage of your love. So you have cultivated the ability to shield your emotions until that day when you do find that person. And when you do you would be able to put down that shield and rest. But as you say you have gone for a long time carrying that shield and you have grown tired and discouraged.
If I am right let me know and we can talk about possible solutions. If not I'll try to meditate further on this subject.
"It hurts. It really does. I'm not as strong as people make me out to be. I'm a master at putting on an act. So masterful that sometimes I even fool myself. But then it hits me again. And the weakness floods right back in. Crushing the dams that I worked so hard to build."
If I understood you right, would the "it" be talking about the realization that maybe the people that you love don't love you back?
It seems to me this sums it up, "I suppose I just wonder if there’s someone out there that’s willing to do for me what I have done for countless others."
Tell me if I'm wrong:
Throughout your life you have acted like the one you wish to meet. The person that is strong, wise, kind, helpful, and loving. You have went throughout your life being that way to other people in hopes of finding that person that would reciprocate your love back unto you. But within this quest you have found that the people, who you love, are just taking advantage of your love. So you have cultivated the ability to shield your emotions until that day when you do find that person. And when you do you would be able to put down that shield and rest. But as you say you have gone for a long time carrying that shield and you have grown tired and discouraged.
If I am right let me know and we can talk about possible solutions. If not I'll try to meditate further on this subject.
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