So. Apparently you CAN market anything.
Amazon.com: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer: Kitchen & Dining
It's a plastic, banana-shaped tchotski designed to make slicing bananas easier. Also, I presume, to take up space on grocery-store end-caps. (You know who buys the banana-shaped banana cases, and the apple-shaped apple carriers? No one. I worked as a cashier in a grocery store for almost four years. Never scanned a single one.)
The reviews are wonderfully snarky, almost as much so as those for the designed-for-women pens. There is also, to my great glee, a forum. (Presumably there is one for all things sold on Amazon.) Look at these!
Actual question:
“I bought one of these and from the day I set it down in my kitchen, my bananas have stopped talking to me. What now?”
Answers:
Try facing the slicer away from the bunch. Directly facing the bunch is taken as a sign of aggression and could be the reason.
The bananas are jealous. You have brought a shinier, more sizable banana into the house. They see it is not like them and don't understand why. Give it time, they will come around.
Gather all the bananas around the table. Try to figure out who their leader is. Then ever so slowly peal it [sic] and set it on the table. Tell the bananas that there is going to be an adjustment in attitudes, that things need to get back to normal. Then in a swift motion, use the slicer on the ringleader. Then without saying a word, get up and walk away, leaving the bananas to stare at their once proud leader. Things will return to normal real fast.
And this is why my faint, fragile faith in humanity still smolders: Snarky, sarcastic people.
(Steve just walked into the room, looked at the pages, listened to my explanation, said "Oh dear God" and backed out of the room.)