The Baby Explanation (a rant)
Once again at work I had to go into a long explanation as to why I currently neither have nor want children. For some reason, people make this conclusion: doesn't have = doesn't like, and that annoys me. So for anyone else who's wondering, here's The Baby Explanation.
The Explanation is usually triggered like this, and usually after someone sees me gently removing young hands from something, say, my hair:
Me: (to baby) No, let go please. That's not for you. Thank you.
Random Person: Oh, you're so good with children! How many do you have?
Me: I don't have any, actually.
Random Person: Not yet. How many do you want?
Me: Erm, none.
Random Person: Oh! So you don't like children then?
I'm sure you're seeing where my frustration comes in. This is like saying to someone who's balancing a full plate of dinner at a buffet "Do you want half a quiche?" and when the person with the full plate says no, coming back with "Oh, you don't like quiche then". I do like children. I like them a lot. I think that they're adorable little id-beings. I just don't want any. I don't see why I need any better explanation than that, yet I always find myself explaining that I don't have the space, the finances, or (and this is the biggie) the desire to commit the time.
Is that not a good reason? I seem to be getting this bizarre message from certain other women, and from the mass media (which I try to blissfully ignore) that it is NOT! That I must be fit, attractive, fashionably dressed, taking care of my aging mother, with a thriving career, with at least two kids I must drive to soccer games in an enormous gas-guzzling SUV. I only want two of the above, one for my health and one to fund my retirement, and as for the rest...well, kids might happen in the distant future, but I doubt it.
Oh, and the best ending to the Explanation ever? This one:
Random Person: You should hurry you know. You've only got about six years left!
Me: (with blank stare) What?
Random Person: Before menopause.
Me: (blanker stare, slightly dropped jaw) I'm...twenty-five.
Random Person: (turns bright red, and hurries away, leaving husband to finish transaction)
Husband: Sorry about that. Have a good night.
:P
The Explanation is usually triggered like this, and usually after someone sees me gently removing young hands from something, say, my hair:
Me: (to baby) No, let go please. That's not for you. Thank you.
Random Person: Oh, you're so good with children! How many do you have?
Me: I don't have any, actually.
Random Person: Not yet. How many do you want?
Me: Erm, none.
Random Person: Oh! So you don't like children then?
I'm sure you're seeing where my frustration comes in. This is like saying to someone who's balancing a full plate of dinner at a buffet "Do you want half a quiche?" and when the person with the full plate says no, coming back with "Oh, you don't like quiche then". I do like children. I like them a lot. I think that they're adorable little id-beings. I just don't want any. I don't see why I need any better explanation than that, yet I always find myself explaining that I don't have the space, the finances, or (and this is the biggie) the desire to commit the time.
Is that not a good reason? I seem to be getting this bizarre message from certain other women, and from the mass media (which I try to blissfully ignore) that it is NOT! That I must be fit, attractive, fashionably dressed, taking care of my aging mother, with a thriving career, with at least two kids I must drive to soccer games in an enormous gas-guzzling SUV. I only want two of the above, one for my health and one to fund my retirement, and as for the rest...well, kids might happen in the distant future, but I doubt it.
Oh, and the best ending to the Explanation ever? This one:
Random Person: You should hurry you know. You've only got about six years left!
Me: (with blank stare) What?
Random Person: Before menopause.
Me: (blanker stare, slightly dropped jaw) I'm...twenty-five.
Random Person: (turns bright red, and hurries away, leaving husband to finish transaction)
Husband: Sorry about that. Have a good night.
:P