Lab Date 68601.6
I think I can finally write in here without feeling like I can't breathe properly. Doctor Lohm said I was grieving for Tisse and said it was a good sign. Something about it proved our humanity--whatever that means. How can one be human when one was never human? She said it lost something in translation. These scientists talk most oddly sometimes.
For a week after Tisse's death and my full seperation from him, I was unable to speak, much less make a noise. The medical teams were arguing over whether it was trauma-induced muteness or not, until one of them shone their light down my throat and said it was red and inflamed. Once they figured out it was physical, not trauma, they brought me a data-pad so I could type out what I wanted to say. I found out that Tisse's body had mutated badly and made him unable to process the caffiene we so badly need for "stability" if the scientists are to be believed. Something about it makes me not want to trust some of them--Dr. Lohm says this is called suspicion, and can be a good thing sometimes, since it comes from instincts...
Anyway...my brain-matter is making me think strangely. It has been firing oddly for weeks now, ever since Tisse died. I sometimes hear this odd rumbling in my mind. The doctors told me about thunder, and it makes me think of that. I hope someday I can hear it for myself, instead of having to listen to the recordings of it. It sounds like something I'd enjoy...Sometimes I have the rumbling, before forgetting what happened for a while. Every time that happens I wake up alone in the solitary room. I've seen another Crux there--I think the orderly said it's name was Amethyst. I asked Dr. Tenny about them when she came for my "therapy" last time I was in the solitary room. I think it's so sad about Amethyst. They're the last of their pack, and went crazy from not being able to do what they were built for--I've heard the word soldier and battle-model mentioned a lot--and between that and being the last of their pack-group alive, they went "insane".
Now I think I've been placed under observation. Even now I sit on my bed as I type this out, trying to ignore the feeling someone is watching me. Porbably Dr. Shaker--he doesn't think we're worth all the effort Dr. Lohm and Tenny seem to put into us. They think we can't hear them arguing outside our dormitory doors but we do.
::entry paused::
I wish I had my music still. After Tisse died they removed the music-discs from my room--even Praco misses some of it, and she usually doesn't enjoy my music. The doctors tell me I tried to kill myself--I don't remember doing it. All I remember is feeling like my mind left the world and pulled into itself. I was with Tisse there, and I didn't want to leave--I even felt like I didn't need caffiene anymore. A strange figure appeared just as I was about to find Tisse and pulled me away from him, pushing me back and shouting at me that it wasn't my turn yet. I can still remember how cold that touch was--even through the wraps on my wrists...
Now I hear the orderly coming--I don't know why. I'll try to write more later...
::pad shut off::
For a week after Tisse's death and my full seperation from him, I was unable to speak, much less make a noise. The medical teams were arguing over whether it was trauma-induced muteness or not, until one of them shone their light down my throat and said it was red and inflamed. Once they figured out it was physical, not trauma, they brought me a data-pad so I could type out what I wanted to say. I found out that Tisse's body had mutated badly and made him unable to process the caffiene we so badly need for "stability" if the scientists are to be believed. Something about it makes me not want to trust some of them--Dr. Lohm says this is called suspicion, and can be a good thing sometimes, since it comes from instincts...
Anyway...my brain-matter is making me think strangely. It has been firing oddly for weeks now, ever since Tisse died. I sometimes hear this odd rumbling in my mind. The doctors told me about thunder, and it makes me think of that. I hope someday I can hear it for myself, instead of having to listen to the recordings of it. It sounds like something I'd enjoy...Sometimes I have the rumbling, before forgetting what happened for a while. Every time that happens I wake up alone in the solitary room. I've seen another Crux there--I think the orderly said it's name was Amethyst. I asked Dr. Tenny about them when she came for my "therapy" last time I was in the solitary room. I think it's so sad about Amethyst. They're the last of their pack, and went crazy from not being able to do what they were built for--I've heard the word soldier and battle-model mentioned a lot--and between that and being the last of their pack-group alive, they went "insane".
Now I think I've been placed under observation. Even now I sit on my bed as I type this out, trying to ignore the feeling someone is watching me. Porbably Dr. Shaker--he doesn't think we're worth all the effort Dr. Lohm and Tenny seem to put into us. They think we can't hear them arguing outside our dormitory doors but we do.
::entry paused::
I wish I had my music still. After Tisse died they removed the music-discs from my room--even Praco misses some of it, and she usually doesn't enjoy my music. The doctors tell me I tried to kill myself--I don't remember doing it. All I remember is feeling like my mind left the world and pulled into itself. I was with Tisse there, and I didn't want to leave--I even felt like I didn't need caffiene anymore. A strange figure appeared just as I was about to find Tisse and pulled me away from him, pushing me back and shouting at me that it wasn't my turn yet. I can still remember how cold that touch was--even through the wraps on my wrists...
Now I hear the orderly coming--I don't know why. I'll try to write more later...
::pad shut off::