Letter to our former neighbors
(I meant to post this shortly after we moved, but got distracted.)
Dear now-former neighbors,
I really feel obligated to thank you for livening up our spring and summer. In spite of all the stuff we had to do, we would have been significantly more bored without hearing your conversations and arguments. I still haven't figured out how all of you are related to each other, if at all, but piecing together your stories proved an interesting puzzle. So I have a few things to say to some of you individually.
To the very angry young woman:
You're right, you do have a lot of problems. They appear to include drinking, depression, pregnancy, and that guy you are involved with (married to?). I wish you the best, and I'd like to respectfully suggest that it may not be the worst thing in the world if the guy does leave you. And if you're avoiding hospital care because you fear he will, I'd also like to suggest that may not be a good trade.
PS. You're right, your relatives probably should not be calling your therapist to ask questions about your meds. That's not cool.
To the guy:
Ragging on your wife/girlfriend is not going to fix her depression. Also, have you noticed she's visibly pregnant? She probably has good reasons for wanting to rest.
On another note, I do appreciate your making sure that your kid doesn't run into our car on his bike. You seem to yell at him an awful lot while he's riding his bike around the driveway, though. Have you realized that he is just imitating you when he rides around in circles making "vroom vroom" noises? It is actually a lot noisier and more annoying when you ride around on that motorcycle you are constantly fixing up.
To the kids:
I am sorry all the adults in your lives spend so much time yelling at you and telling you not to do things, although they're of course right that you need to stay away from the street. You might consider being nicer to your kitten, instead of yelling at it, too. I hope someday you'll move somewhere you actually have a yard to play in instead of just a big driveway. I also hope at some point you encounter adults who model healthier gender relationships.
To the kitten:
We really wanted to take you with us, you friendly adorable little thing, although I do think the kids would have missed you. You would have hated being cooped up in our car for a couple of days with strange cats and humans you didn't know very well. I hear you have made friends with everyone on the block; I hope one of them succumbs to your charms and gives you a permanent home. That way the adults in your household will stop trying to give you away to everyone who shows an interest.
Sincerely,
your former neighbor
Dear now-former neighbors,
I really feel obligated to thank you for livening up our spring and summer. In spite of all the stuff we had to do, we would have been significantly more bored without hearing your conversations and arguments. I still haven't figured out how all of you are related to each other, if at all, but piecing together your stories proved an interesting puzzle. So I have a few things to say to some of you individually.
To the very angry young woman:
You're right, you do have a lot of problems. They appear to include drinking, depression, pregnancy, and that guy you are involved with (married to?). I wish you the best, and I'd like to respectfully suggest that it may not be the worst thing in the world if the guy does leave you. And if you're avoiding hospital care because you fear he will, I'd also like to suggest that may not be a good trade.
PS. You're right, your relatives probably should not be calling your therapist to ask questions about your meds. That's not cool.
To the guy:
Ragging on your wife/girlfriend is not going to fix her depression. Also, have you noticed she's visibly pregnant? She probably has good reasons for wanting to rest.
On another note, I do appreciate your making sure that your kid doesn't run into our car on his bike. You seem to yell at him an awful lot while he's riding his bike around the driveway, though. Have you realized that he is just imitating you when he rides around in circles making "vroom vroom" noises? It is actually a lot noisier and more annoying when you ride around on that motorcycle you are constantly fixing up.
To the kids:
I am sorry all the adults in your lives spend so much time yelling at you and telling you not to do things, although they're of course right that you need to stay away from the street. You might consider being nicer to your kitten, instead of yelling at it, too. I hope someday you'll move somewhere you actually have a yard to play in instead of just a big driveway. I also hope at some point you encounter adults who model healthier gender relationships.
To the kitten:
We really wanted to take you with us, you friendly adorable little thing, although I do think the kids would have missed you. You would have hated being cooped up in our car for a couple of days with strange cats and humans you didn't know very well. I hear you have made friends with everyone on the block; I hope one of them succumbs to your charms and gives you a permanent home. That way the adults in your household will stop trying to give you away to everyone who shows an interest.
Sincerely,
your former neighbor