LJ Idol // Week 11 // Haute
The Babies of Kensington Gardens
Most of you grew up with fish and chips and football; sneaking cheap vodka from the cupboard under the stairs to drink in the field behind the school.
You forgot to brush your hair, or your teeth, or brushed the cat instead.
You cut your sisters’ jeans in half, just because, and threw up the cheap vodka in the kitchen sink.
(After this you swore you would never drink again.)
It is the middle of the afternoon in Kensington Gardens.
Stop.
You are about to observe a different breed of human being.
[On average twenty-seven-point-four-two Dior dummies are sold in Kensington every week.]
Watch.
They will roll by in their three-wheeled buggies.
Colour-coordinated.
[This is the Roddler.
It will cost you US$3500]
(By the way, their parents are just as tired as you. This is the reason for the fly-eye sunglasses.)
These are the Babies of Kensington Gardens.
They will grow up with caviar and freshly-brushed hair, and they will steal the expensive vodka from the cabinet in the drawing room to drink in their four-poster bed.
They will throw up in their opulent ensuite bathroom sink.
(Resist the urge.
You know it's there.
You will not throw your freshly brushed cat at the millionaires.)
Photographs of Kensington Gardens and Abigail from Noel Kingsley Photography.
Photograph of the Roddler from Kid Kustoms.
Most of you grew up with fish and chips and football; sneaking cheap vodka from the cupboard under the stairs to drink in the field behind the school.
You forgot to brush your hair, or your teeth, or brushed the cat instead.
You cut your sisters’ jeans in half, just because, and threw up the cheap vodka in the kitchen sink.
(After this you swore you would never drink again.)
It is the middle of the afternoon in Kensington Gardens.
Stop.
You are about to observe a different breed of human being.
[On average twenty-seven-point-four-two Dior dummies are sold in Kensington every week.]
Watch.
They will roll by in their three-wheeled buggies.
Colour-coordinated.
[This is the Roddler.
It will cost you US$3500]
(By the way, their parents are just as tired as you. This is the reason for the fly-eye sunglasses.)
These are the Babies of Kensington Gardens.
They will grow up with caviar and freshly-brushed hair, and they will steal the expensive vodka from the cabinet in the drawing room to drink in their four-poster bed.
They will throw up in their opulent ensuite bathroom sink.
(Resist the urge.
You know it's there.
You will not throw your freshly brushed cat at the millionaires.)
Photographs of Kensington Gardens and Abigail from Noel Kingsley Photography.
Photograph of the Roddler from Kid Kustoms.