Good Bye, 2006. I hate you.
How weird I ventured back to Live Journal. The last time I was there was maybe a month ago, just skimming through to see who was still using it. Saw Tristan's tribute to Jo. I gotta say, it's the most beautiful thing that was said about her. I plan on sending that to a couple of friends of hers from Toledo - they would love it. I also saw where he stumbled on an old email from me from years ago. Wow - memory lane. You should keep doing that, Tris. Some days I wake up, and it's like I've never existed before - can't pull a memory out of my ass to save my life.
So the last time I entered anything in my journal was last spring, when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's good now - short a boob, but glad to be alive. I don't mean to sound glib about it - surely it was a big deal; but bottom line, thanks to being a faithful mammogram patient, they caught it, nailed it, and it's all gone. So girls - tuck that away in the memory bank - and while you're at it, tuck this away too: I had a friend who died from that same disease 13 years ago - at 38. She was a lovely (not to mention wildly crazy)woman with a beautiful singing voice, lousy track record with romance, lousy relationship with her parents; and who decided when her cancer re-occurred (after a lumpectomy 3 years prior) that she would not agree to a mastectomy, or chemo-therapy. So the beast returned in the spring of 1993, and she died in the spring of 1994. So there's one success story, and one tragedy. Be smart, and don't avoid the old slammogram. It's a royal pain in the boob, but you get the picture.
Any way, I don't know how everyone else's 2006 was, but mine totally sucked. Well, not totally - I did enjoy a new job, which allowed me to meet some pretty cool people. But that's where the good stuff ends. So I'm not going to whine too much about it, but man I'm glad it's over. I know it's kind of cliche, but I somehow see the new year as a "fresh start". I look back and realize that there's really no direction for me now but up. I mean - losing Jo was quite clearly the most terrible thing I've ever experienced so far in my life. Tristan is the only reader who knows how true this is. Well - that's really all I can say about this subject right now. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the pain is still so gripping that my body can't deal with regurgitating much of it. I literally get physically ill.
So that's one big reason I want '07 to be better. And I really gross myself out when I whine too much, so I'm done. Even though I feel very weak from the past year's trials, I must say that I am even more secure in who I am. Yes, you can still continue to grow even when you're an old fart like me. I have learned so much about myself, good and bad, and I am excited at the opportunity to exercise my new sense of freedom. I've also realized how important it is, at least for me, to nurture friendships. As of this moment - I'm friend-free. At least in the physical sense. The most important friend of my life is physically gone, and as long as she was around, I never had the energy or the desire to work on anyone else. I mean, I've got some nice acquaintances, you know - out to dinner once in awhile, talk about the kids, work - but nothing deeper than the friendly-lite banter that you politely engage in with people from time to time. Man, it's just really hard to think about having a relationship like that again. Let's face it, it ain't gonna happen. But I really would like to have someone that I can tell EVERYTHING to. Maybe I need a stuffed animal or something. Maybe the crazy guy who hangs outside of Beaners at Cricket West. He sits there and talks to anyone who walks by. I bet I could sit down and tell him all my secrets, uninterrupted, and be pretty certain that it wouldn't go any further. And if he did tell someone, they wouldn't listen. Yeah. Maybe I'll try that. Certainly at this point I don't have any better prospects.
Happy New Year everyone. I've missed checking in on everyone - hope you are all well and good.
Love, S
So the last time I entered anything in my journal was last spring, when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's good now - short a boob, but glad to be alive. I don't mean to sound glib about it - surely it was a big deal; but bottom line, thanks to being a faithful mammogram patient, they caught it, nailed it, and it's all gone. So girls - tuck that away in the memory bank - and while you're at it, tuck this away too: I had a friend who died from that same disease 13 years ago - at 38. She was a lovely (not to mention wildly crazy)woman with a beautiful singing voice, lousy track record with romance, lousy relationship with her parents; and who decided when her cancer re-occurred (after a lumpectomy 3 years prior) that she would not agree to a mastectomy, or chemo-therapy. So the beast returned in the spring of 1993, and she died in the spring of 1994. So there's one success story, and one tragedy. Be smart, and don't avoid the old slammogram. It's a royal pain in the boob, but you get the picture.
Any way, I don't know how everyone else's 2006 was, but mine totally sucked. Well, not totally - I did enjoy a new job, which allowed me to meet some pretty cool people. But that's where the good stuff ends. So I'm not going to whine too much about it, but man I'm glad it's over. I know it's kind of cliche, but I somehow see the new year as a "fresh start". I look back and realize that there's really no direction for me now but up. I mean - losing Jo was quite clearly the most terrible thing I've ever experienced so far in my life. Tristan is the only reader who knows how true this is. Well - that's really all I can say about this subject right now. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the pain is still so gripping that my body can't deal with regurgitating much of it. I literally get physically ill.
So that's one big reason I want '07 to be better. And I really gross myself out when I whine too much, so I'm done. Even though I feel very weak from the past year's trials, I must say that I am even more secure in who I am. Yes, you can still continue to grow even when you're an old fart like me. I have learned so much about myself, good and bad, and I am excited at the opportunity to exercise my new sense of freedom. I've also realized how important it is, at least for me, to nurture friendships. As of this moment - I'm friend-free. At least in the physical sense. The most important friend of my life is physically gone, and as long as she was around, I never had the energy or the desire to work on anyone else. I mean, I've got some nice acquaintances, you know - out to dinner once in awhile, talk about the kids, work - but nothing deeper than the friendly-lite banter that you politely engage in with people from time to time. Man, it's just really hard to think about having a relationship like that again. Let's face it, it ain't gonna happen. But I really would like to have someone that I can tell EVERYTHING to. Maybe I need a stuffed animal or something. Maybe the crazy guy who hangs outside of Beaners at Cricket West. He sits there and talks to anyone who walks by. I bet I could sit down and tell him all my secrets, uninterrupted, and be pretty certain that it wouldn't go any further. And if he did tell someone, they wouldn't listen. Yeah. Maybe I'll try that. Certainly at this point I don't have any better prospects.
Happy New Year everyone. I've missed checking in on everyone - hope you are all well and good.
Love, S