(no subject)
I USED TO BE SOMETHING....I USED TO HAVE A MEANING FOR LEAVING AND IT WAS ALL TAKEN AWAY FROM ME.....
I LIVED I LOVED I HAVE DONE ALOT OF GREAT HAPPY THINGS BUT I WISHED I NEVER DID SO THAT I WOULDNT FEEL WHAT I FEEL NOW....THIS SAD LONLEY WORLD WHERE I WISH I WAS NOT ALIVE I USED TO BE SO HAPPPY SO UP BEAT I HAD IT ALL I HAD A GREAT GF....GREAT LIFE AND I BLEW IT AND I CANT UNDERSTAND HOW THINGS GOT SO BAD SO FAST....THINGS WHERE DONE WORDS WHERE SAID BUT THE HARDEST PART WAS WHEN EVERYTHING STOPPED......I REALLY WISH I WAS NOT HERE I WAS NOT ALIVE AND THAT I COULD JUST END IT ALL BUT I THINK ABOUT IT AND THIS IS THE SAME...I AM NOT ALIVE I AM NOT HAPPY I FEEL DEAD I FEEL NOTHNG BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING....MY HEART WAS RIPPED OUT AND THAT WASNT THE WORST OF IT...IT WAS PULLED OUT STRECHED STABBED AND EVERYTHING THAT CAN KILL A MAN.....ONE DAY I WILL LEARN ONE DAY I WILL LIVE AGAIN IN HAPPINESS BUT UNTILL THEN I WILL BE THIS PERSON WHO IS ALIVE IN BODY......I TRULY AM EMPTY JUST NOT A PHRASE...IT HURTS WHEN THE PERSON WHO U LOVED FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND HAVE DONE SO MUCH OVER THE YEARS CAN JUST LET GO SO FAST AND MOVE ON AND NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR HEART...IT HURT SO SO MUCH YOU JUST DONT UNDERSTAND....I GUESS GOD KNOW THE LIMITS OF YOUR HEART AND HOW MUCH ONE CAN WITH STAND AND I AM BEING HIT WITH IT FULL FORCE BUT HE LOVES ME AND THIS IS FOR MY OWN GOOD BECAUSE HE LOVES ME AND WILL NOT DO ANYTHING THAT WILL KILL ME.....I ASK GOD EVERYDAY GIVE ME A SIGN LORD SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE HOW TO LOVE SHOW ME THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL THAT IT WILL GET BETTER.....AND HE STILL HAS NOT RESPONDED BUT HE WILL IN TIME......I HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS EXACT THING BEFORE SAME THING AGAIN AS LAST TIME TO A T AND I TRIED TO DO THINGS DIFFRENTLEY I TRIED TO LEARN FROM THE PAST BUT IT KEEPS COMING BACK OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND IT HURTS TO NOT BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING AND JUST BE AT MERCY OF WHAT HAPPENS.....IT WONT BE EASY IT WONT BE FUN BUT IT WILL BE WHATEVER IT BE .......I AM NOTHING!!!! MY HEART IS LOST...MY LOVE IS GONE.....MY LIFE IS........