Diamond Rings and the Finer Things Part IV
I flick my cigarette out the window and the ash comes raining back in on me like confetti. I watch it land on my old black suit pants, worn from many years of use. I remember my mother telling me before my father died that I ought to buy a new pair. “Ma, what’s the point? I’m a gas station attendant. There’s just no point.” I suppose I should have bought a new pair for my father’s funeral, but what does it matter? He’s not going to care if my slacks are new. Not anymore, anyways.
I crank the window up and pull into a gas station parking lot. I get out of the car and walk to the telephone booth. As I step in and pick up the receiver, I consider the many people I ought to call. The same people I would rather not. I know I should call my boss soon and tell him I won’t be at work in the morning. Perhaps three in the morning is not the best time for that, though. I suppose it doesn’t matter anyway. This is what my life has amounted to. I graduated top of my class with a degree in Physics only to make a life filling gas tanks and cleaning off windshields. I slam the receiver back into its holder and pull a cigarette out of my pocket. Damn it. Last one.
I meander over to the shack that I imagine is a store and walk in. “Good evenin’, sir. How ya doin’ tonight?” The clerk produces an eight-toothed grin in my direction. I grunt an indiscriminant response to his question, not wanting to answer and unsure if I even know the answer to that question myself. “You got any Marlboros?” I throw a small wad of cash on the counter as the man reaches for the cigarettes. “Wouldn’ta taken you for a Marlboro Man. I’da said Lucky.” I reach up and take the change from him, “I don’t really know what kind of man I am, but if I’m anything, I ain’t lucky.” I shove the change in my pocket and walk to my car. As I walk the pocket inside my pants tears from the force with which I inserted my change and the money goes scattering about the lot. I stand in place looking at it for a long moment. I suppose my mother had been right all along.