Weekends were made for this......
This was the perfect weekend for me. It was a lazy, restful couple of days. David went with me to do the groceries on Saturday. The best part of that is that he also helped me unload them! We really didn't do very much except lounge around the house, catnap and eat! I did wash the sheets and vacuum the house. That was about it....well, we did wash the dishes after each meal!
I have really been thinking about my life. I am learning so much at my new job. I like that. I've had a couple of people tell me that I sound like I don't like it. I am here to tell everyone that is not the case. I do like it. It's very challenging.....which is what I wanted! I'm just a little scared. It's so different from what I'm used to....but I am determined to get it! I also found out that David has been giving some thought to moving back up north. I was quite surprised to hear that one! I am very torn. I love it here. The weather is great. We have a nice home. I have friends. I am my own person. The downside is all my family is up north. I miss them but we have never been the kind to "get together" at the drop of a hat. Everyone lives their own lives. So, I ask myself....what am I missing by being here. I know I'm missing the grandbabies growing up. Again, how often would I see them if I was living closer? It would break my heart to be that close and not have more contact with them. At least now I tell myself that it's the distance keeping us apart. I just don't know. All I can do is pray on it.....he knows best.
David has left for work. I miss him being gone at night. I wish that we could both be on the same schedule again. I wish, I wish, I wish......my mother used to say, "Girl, you're gonna wish your life away."
Remember what it was like to be young. No bills, no responsibilities except going to school and trying to decide who to go out with? Oh, for those days again! I didn't exactly have an ideal childhood but I sure can't complain. I always had what I needed and MOST of what I ever wanted. I don't come from the typical 50's family where the mother stayed at home wearing pearls to clean the house all day. My mom worked...and worked hard I might add. I had a big brother whom I idolized....and who hated the fact that he had a little sister most of the time! LOL! We used to go to the beach on the weekends and camp. I remember those times. I always loved them. To this day, I love sitting by the ocean. That's my special place when I'm feeling down. It's a comfort zone. I just sit and listen to the ocean pounding up to the beach. It's very soothing. I remember having my tonsils out when I was in the first grade. I remember my mom telling me then that if she could take my place she would. As a child I didn't understand that....but now, as a mother myself...I do. You never want your children to feel any kind of pain. I remember so much..things that I thought I had lost....but for some reason are running through my mind here of late. Is it the fact that I'm getting older? I've always heard that before you die that your life flashes before your eyes.....is this what that means? It's like a slow walk through the pathways of your life. For the most part it is enjoyable. I guess I'm lucky that for the most part I've been a good person. There are a few dark shadowy paths though. I'm not real proud of those. I wish I could retrace those paths and get a redo or do over. I know that as I've gotten older I've always told my kids that they should be proud of whatever they do or else they shouldn't do it at all. Maybe someone should of said that to me when I was younger! I may not be perfect now but I do try to live my life in a way that I won't look back with regret. I hope you all can say that too.
I guess I've rambled on long enough tonight. So I'll leave you with a quote:
"The family--that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.".....Dodie Smith
I have really been thinking about my life. I am learning so much at my new job. I like that. I've had a couple of people tell me that I sound like I don't like it. I am here to tell everyone that is not the case. I do like it. It's very challenging.....which is what I wanted! I'm just a little scared. It's so different from what I'm used to....but I am determined to get it! I also found out that David has been giving some thought to moving back up north. I was quite surprised to hear that one! I am very torn. I love it here. The weather is great. We have a nice home. I have friends. I am my own person. The downside is all my family is up north. I miss them but we have never been the kind to "get together" at the drop of a hat. Everyone lives their own lives. So, I ask myself....what am I missing by being here. I know I'm missing the grandbabies growing up. Again, how often would I see them if I was living closer? It would break my heart to be that close and not have more contact with them. At least now I tell myself that it's the distance keeping us apart. I just don't know. All I can do is pray on it.....he knows best.
David has left for work. I miss him being gone at night. I wish that we could both be on the same schedule again. I wish, I wish, I wish......my mother used to say, "Girl, you're gonna wish your life away."
Remember what it was like to be young. No bills, no responsibilities except going to school and trying to decide who to go out with? Oh, for those days again! I didn't exactly have an ideal childhood but I sure can't complain. I always had what I needed and MOST of what I ever wanted. I don't come from the typical 50's family where the mother stayed at home wearing pearls to clean the house all day. My mom worked...and worked hard I might add. I had a big brother whom I idolized....and who hated the fact that he had a little sister most of the time! LOL! We used to go to the beach on the weekends and camp. I remember those times. I always loved them. To this day, I love sitting by the ocean. That's my special place when I'm feeling down. It's a comfort zone. I just sit and listen to the ocean pounding up to the beach. It's very soothing. I remember having my tonsils out when I was in the first grade. I remember my mom telling me then that if she could take my place she would. As a child I didn't understand that....but now, as a mother myself...I do. You never want your children to feel any kind of pain. I remember so much..things that I thought I had lost....but for some reason are running through my mind here of late. Is it the fact that I'm getting older? I've always heard that before you die that your life flashes before your eyes.....is this what that means? It's like a slow walk through the pathways of your life. For the most part it is enjoyable. I guess I'm lucky that for the most part I've been a good person. There are a few dark shadowy paths though. I'm not real proud of those. I wish I could retrace those paths and get a redo or do over. I know that as I've gotten older I've always told my kids that they should be proud of whatever they do or else they shouldn't do it at all. Maybe someone should of said that to me when I was younger! I may not be perfect now but I do try to live my life in a way that I won't look back with regret. I hope you all can say that too.
I guess I've rambled on long enough tonight. So I'll leave you with a quote:
"The family--that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.".....Dodie Smith