dis-harmony
I wonder a lot what people want. I've given up trying to figure out most people. it's not that I'm hopeless, but I guess I've been focusing a lot on what I want. I am excited for the days ahead, because I have a pretty good idea of what I want, firstly: home. it's not a retreat, and it's not really home. it's minneapolis.
why do I want this? so many reasons.. maybe because I don't like to stay in one place too long, I'm not sure. even I can't tell you that.
also, not to sound greedy or picky, but I want friends. wherever it is I end up going. yeah, I have acquaintances and people I hang out with, but no one I can actually have a deep, meaningful conversation with. Well, maybe one or two, and they're hard to come by..
I worked so hard for a dream, and I'm supposedly there. aren't I? am I distracted because I don't want to face what's new, or is this "dream" just a mirage. I usually adjust pretty well to change, so I don't think it's that I'm scared. but for one of the few times in my life, I know what I want, and I actually am going to just listen to myself on it, not anyone else.
I missed out on something. I missed out on some of childhood and its potential. there's no going back to that though. I don't even know if there's any fixing it. but I know that I have to adjust accordingly for it.
I can be cold and unfeeling a lot, but I'm not sure why. usually I am indifferent toward you if I don't really care about you. but if I do care about you and what you have to say, I am supposedly "a good friend." I don't know the last time I've been called that, though
it's what I'd like to be.. the last time I had a best friend was a long time ago. honestly, do you really tell everything to your friends? probably not. because there's some hints of distrust still, even the tiniest ones. sometimes you have to let these go anyways.
I don't really know what I'm posting about as usual. I don't know how many listeners are out there that it matters so much.
so I guess this really is like a diary now.
the ramblings and the whispers become more and more cacophonous.
why do I want this? so many reasons.. maybe because I don't like to stay in one place too long, I'm not sure. even I can't tell you that.
also, not to sound greedy or picky, but I want friends. wherever it is I end up going. yeah, I have acquaintances and people I hang out with, but no one I can actually have a deep, meaningful conversation with. Well, maybe one or two, and they're hard to come by..
I worked so hard for a dream, and I'm supposedly there. aren't I? am I distracted because I don't want to face what's new, or is this "dream" just a mirage. I usually adjust pretty well to change, so I don't think it's that I'm scared. but for one of the few times in my life, I know what I want, and I actually am going to just listen to myself on it, not anyone else.
I missed out on something. I missed out on some of childhood and its potential. there's no going back to that though. I don't even know if there's any fixing it. but I know that I have to adjust accordingly for it.
I can be cold and unfeeling a lot, but I'm not sure why. usually I am indifferent toward you if I don't really care about you. but if I do care about you and what you have to say, I am supposedly "a good friend." I don't know the last time I've been called that, though
it's what I'd like to be.. the last time I had a best friend was a long time ago. honestly, do you really tell everything to your friends? probably not. because there's some hints of distrust still, even the tiniest ones. sometimes you have to let these go anyways.
I don't really know what I'm posting about as usual. I don't know how many listeners are out there that it matters so much.
so I guess this really is like a diary now.
the ramblings and the whispers become more and more cacophonous.