musing on dating
Sometimes it's fun to analyze your own social group/kind, because since your part of it you can get away with more ease. Gay boys are a funny lot. There is alot of self consciousness and examination going there between us constantly. There's definitely some unity amongst us, but as much as there can be in a group where you're peers are the same as your competitors in the sexual arena, like amongst straight girls, for instance.
There are always alot of sheilds and camaflague and hidden meanings, ways of saying something by verbalizing something entirely different. Smiling, saying 'what's up dear/dude/pal/man/name' conotes more than just a simple greeting when that person is your classmate, your buddy in a queer group, or the guy you know casually. It's kind of fascinating to watch gay guys navigate between being boyish and being flirtatous, and what choices certain guys make over others, being more fem or masc, whether they act political or apathetic or 'fashionable.' It'd take a career in psychoanalysis to understand the reason's behind each one's conceit. which is why I often get bored and impatient at trying to find the appropriate or 'implied' meaning behind someone's sociality, which is why I think I'm lacking constitution for the whole gay boy mating ritual. I like playing games sometimes, but it's a bore after more than 5 minutes or so, verbal acrobatics and exchanges of scornful wit get trite and silly to me after their initial novelity fades. Sometimes I think I feel/act too 'straight' for gay guys or to other times to gay for them. It's always an act of negotiation to figure out what this guys is comfortable with or prefers over this other guy. Not that I'd advocate homogenity, but at times all these different expectations and ideals give me a headache just too listen too. So many gay guys have such grand, perfectionous visions of what the guy they want is, and how that vision matchs up to the granduer of themselves, or on reserve token, how they are so uber fugly they'll never get a boy they want and all the other boys who'd want them are too uber ugly to date so they are in perpetual doomness and despair. it's a funny, ridicolous cycle of vaulted idols and self-image matrydom. I haven't gone after the dating pool in a while, but I might start trying soon, just to have another or couple other college relationships before I'm graduated and dating mid-twenties peeps. I'll need to just get over the craziness of the dating ritual, and remind myself it's like this everywhere and my freshman expectations of finding a happy gay boy who'll enhance my happiness tenfold has to be sudued with a bit of the truth of life, but not too subued, because it's good to keep part of that dream just under the surface, ready for a comeback at the right moment.
There are always alot of sheilds and camaflague and hidden meanings, ways of saying something by verbalizing something entirely different. Smiling, saying 'what's up dear/dude/pal/man/name' conotes more than just a simple greeting when that person is your classmate, your buddy in a queer group, or the guy you know casually. It's kind of fascinating to watch gay guys navigate between being boyish and being flirtatous, and what choices certain guys make over others, being more fem or masc, whether they act political or apathetic or 'fashionable.' It'd take a career in psychoanalysis to understand the reason's behind each one's conceit. which is why I often get bored and impatient at trying to find the appropriate or 'implied' meaning behind someone's sociality, which is why I think I'm lacking constitution for the whole gay boy mating ritual. I like playing games sometimes, but it's a bore after more than 5 minutes or so, verbal acrobatics and exchanges of scornful wit get trite and silly to me after their initial novelity fades. Sometimes I think I feel/act too 'straight' for gay guys or to other times to gay for them. It's always an act of negotiation to figure out what this guys is comfortable with or prefers over this other guy. Not that I'd advocate homogenity, but at times all these different expectations and ideals give me a headache just too listen too. So many gay guys have such grand, perfectionous visions of what the guy they want is, and how that vision matchs up to the granduer of themselves, or on reserve token, how they are so uber fugly they'll never get a boy they want and all the other boys who'd want them are too uber ugly to date so they are in perpetual doomness and despair. it's a funny, ridicolous cycle of vaulted idols and self-image matrydom. I haven't gone after the dating pool in a while, but I might start trying soon, just to have another or couple other college relationships before I'm graduated and dating mid-twenties peeps. I'll need to just get over the craziness of the dating ritual, and remind myself it's like this everywhere and my freshman expectations of finding a happy gay boy who'll enhance my happiness tenfold has to be sudued with a bit of the truth of life, but not too subued, because it's good to keep part of that dream just under the surface, ready for a comeback at the right moment.