everything...
i guess i can update without worrying what people are gonna think or say
since pretty much no one reads these anymore
and i have alot to say and alot that i'm going through
i'm at work right now feeling absolute emptiness
i feel like i no longer have nerves or emotions
i never feel anxious, scared, nervous, embarrassed, etc...
...just hollowness
i have recently lost so much and gained nothing but loosing everything
i go out putting on a face for everyone just pretending i am what i am
just to put on a show for everyone
just so my family or friends wouldnt be worried
i spend much of my time thinking what else am i here for when i feel that i've lost everything
no one can share what i had, felt, gone through, experienced in these past few years
i miss so much
i miss watching her dance
i miss her smile
hereing here giggle/laugh
the way she walked and jogged
her getting ready
waking up in the morning and seeing her lay next to me
i use to just watch every little thing she did and thought to myself... "omg, i am with the most beautiful/amazing girl in the world"
i go out and everything i see, touch, here, or smell reminds me of my past
i go to places and see myself and how happy i was when i was with her
i get ready everyday as if i was going to see her
i do the things i do as if i were impressing her
i go out everyday with a little piece of her
i always have one of her bobby pins clipped to my side pocked to remember her by
i keep a photo of her in my wallet so when i go out i am consantly reminded of why i'm here
i still have photos of her in my car so when i'm in traffic i have a beautiful face to look at when i'm sad
even tho i'm no longer with her
just the thought of her is what keeps me together
i have kept her old messeges she has left me and old text messeges she's left me so when i'm waiting or alone
i can here those words she once said, "i love you"
even though they're just old recordings
just hereing her voice direct those 3 powerful words towards me makes me feel invincible
jessica, i dont know if you're ever going to read this but i just want you to know that i love you so much with all my heart
this is only a little bit of what i'm currently feeling
i wish i can write more but i have to go back to work...
since pretty much no one reads these anymore
and i have alot to say and alot that i'm going through
i'm at work right now feeling absolute emptiness
i feel like i no longer have nerves or emotions
i never feel anxious, scared, nervous, embarrassed, etc...
...just hollowness
i have recently lost so much and gained nothing but loosing everything
i go out putting on a face for everyone just pretending i am what i am
just to put on a show for everyone
just so my family or friends wouldnt be worried
i spend much of my time thinking what else am i here for when i feel that i've lost everything
no one can share what i had, felt, gone through, experienced in these past few years
i miss so much
i miss watching her dance
i miss her smile
hereing here giggle/laugh
the way she walked and jogged
her getting ready
waking up in the morning and seeing her lay next to me
i use to just watch every little thing she did and thought to myself... "omg, i am with the most beautiful/amazing girl in the world"
i go out and everything i see, touch, here, or smell reminds me of my past
i go to places and see myself and how happy i was when i was with her
i get ready everyday as if i was going to see her
i do the things i do as if i were impressing her
i go out everyday with a little piece of her
i always have one of her bobby pins clipped to my side pocked to remember her by
i keep a photo of her in my wallet so when i go out i am consantly reminded of why i'm here
i still have photos of her in my car so when i'm in traffic i have a beautiful face to look at when i'm sad
even tho i'm no longer with her
just the thought of her is what keeps me together
i have kept her old messeges she has left me and old text messeges she's left me so when i'm waiting or alone
i can here those words she once said, "i love you"
even though they're just old recordings
just hereing her voice direct those 3 powerful words towards me makes me feel invincible
jessica, i dont know if you're ever going to read this but i just want you to know that i love you so much with all my heart
this is only a little bit of what i'm currently feeling
i wish i can write more but i have to go back to work...