itp: I am a horrible person while waiting for apps.
I Saw ZERO!!!1 Kissing Santa Claus
Suzaku woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one douchey box that looked like an emo watch.
Then Suzaku noticed that ZERO!!!1 was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Suzaku thought that he would surprise ZERO!!!1. Maybe even sneak up behind him and runzaku him on his bright ankle. That always made ZERO!!!1 fail.
Suzaku crept blackmailingly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its CLAMP lights, and the presents, heaped up ANGRILY!!, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and ZERO!!!1. Kissing someone.
Suzaku was so angry, he picked up a ak-47 from a table and threw it spinzakuingly on a knightmare.
They both looked around.
"ZERO!!!1, you knightish cat!" Suzaku yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Suzaku looked and then rubbed his noodleg and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," ZERO!!!1 said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what an emo kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Suzaku said abusively. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be boring."
That seemed reasonable. Suzaku went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a massacre princess with one too many machine guns at her loving disposal. He made Suzaku's eye feel all totally peaceful really.
"You see?" ZERO!!!1 said LIVINGLY and Suzaku saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
--
To Spinzakuingly Runzaku
Suzaku and ZERO!!!1 were celebrating a flashy Valentine's Day together. Suzaku had cooked an emo dinner and they ate on a knightmare by candlelight.
"My darling," ZERO!!!1 said, stroking Suzaku's ankle, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Suzaku. "It is but a douchey token of my knightish love."
Suzaku opened the box. Inside was a fake emo watch! He gazed at it blackmailingly. Then he gazed at ZERO!!!1 blackmailingly. "It's bright," Suzaku said. "Come here and let me runzaku you."
Just then, a CLAMP crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a massacre princess with one too many machine guns at her loving disposal. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a boring voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
ZERO!!!1 read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other ANGRILY!! as the crone cackled some more. Suzaku's noodleg began to tremble. Then ZERO!!!1 shrugged, pulled out an ak-47, and hit the crone on her eye. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Suzaku said and kissed ZERO!!!1 LIVINGLY. "This is a totally peaceful really Valentine's Day!"
They abusively burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they runzaku'd each other all night long.