Man Rules: An Educational PicSpam Starring House and Wilson
Alright kids, listen up. You're about to recieve a very important lesson in Man Etiquette with the help of House and Wilson and some poorly drawn coloured lines. (Also, before you ask... yes I did lose my mind. This is what happens when someone tried to explain the "Man Rules" to me during a week I watched a lot of House. *shifty eyes* At least it made me laugh.)
There are a few spoilers for Season 4 in here, but nothing major.
Rule 1: No touching. This is, of course, the simplest rule. If you are touching a man, stop it.
The man on the right is actively touching the man of the left. This type of mistake should be easy enough to avoid.
Rule 2: Don’t stand too close. If you aren’t sure if you’re “too close” do this simple test. Imagine there is a beautiful woman in the room with you and your male friend. Does she have room to stand between the two of you? If she doesn’t, you are standing TOO CLOSE!
Lets take a look at this done correctly:
As you can see, the imaginary woman has ample room to stand between the men. A+
And now for some more problematic examples:
Here we have a slight variation of standing too close: Sitting too close. As you can see, the two men are sitting together on the far end of the couch, leaving the imaginary woman looking very unhappy indeed. Therefore, these men are sitting TOO CLOSE!
In this picture however, TWO imaginary women are being displaced. There is not a sliver of daylight between the men and therefore no imaginary woman can stand between them. They are standing TOO CLOSE!
Please also note the eye contact. This will be important later.
Rule 2B: Sometimes it can be difficult to keep track of this imaginary woman while you are both talking and walking. Thankfully a second simple rule has been developed to make sure you aren’t standing TOO CLOSE!
If you could hold a man’s hand without having to bend your elbow or reach for their hand in any way, you are standing TOO CLOSE!
Notice how the men are shoulder to shoulder (already violating the No Touching rule) and that their hands are in easy reaching distance of one another. In fact, if someone were to get a hold of this picture and put a sensor bar over their hands, you would be certain they are holding hands, therefore they are standing TOO CLOSE!
See? You are now sure they are holding hands. Clearly, they are TOO CLOSE!
Rule 3: Keep eye contact to a minumum.
Be wary of eye contact. And by that we mean avoid it at all costs. Quick glances to make sure your friend is still in the same room as you is okay. Gazing lovingly at them is not.
Again, lets take a look at a good example first:
The man on the left is managing to avoid any sort of eye contact with both other men in the elevator while still maintaining the safe distance (one imaginary woman) between them. A+
Here we have a far more serious situation arising:
As you can clearly see, both men are staring into each other’s eyes in a relatively small and (soon to be) isolated space. To correct this situation, they should be standing facing opposite directions at the very least, or if possible, taking different elevators.
Finally, we have a case of desired eye contact:
It is clear the man on the right is craving eye contact with the man on the left. Thankfully, the man on the left is doing what he is supposed to be doing and staring stonily ahead, completely unchanged by his friend’s attempts. Only through repeated rejection will the man on the right learn that eye contact is not a good thing.
Rule 4: Never say "I love you" to another man.
The only acceptable use of “I love you” between men is after several beers and with the word “man” following directly after it as in “I love you man.”
Speaking “I love you” and meaning it is strictly forbidden.
As you can see, this man is failing miserably. He omitted the all-important “man” from the end of his “I love you” and actually really meant it. Do not do this.
Rule 5: Bathroom etiquette.
-Do not EVER use the urinal directly beside another man.
-Keep your eyes forward.
-Do not initiate or participate in conversation.
In this picture, as you can see, the minimum proper distance between men at urinals is being upheld, however, the man on the right is breaking both the second and third rule of bathroom etiquette by looking at the man on the left AND talking to him.
Our second example brings us into triple threat territory:
As you can see, they are in two urinals directly beside each other. One man is seeking eye contact and they are both participating in a conversation. All in all, this is picture is a monument to bathroom anarchy. Do not follow its dangerous example.
You are now ready to test your knowledge. Circle or list the rules being broken in the following pictures:
Example A:
Example B:
There are a few spoilers for Season 4 in here, but nothing major.
Rule 1: No touching. This is, of course, the simplest rule. If you are touching a man, stop it.
The man on the right is actively touching the man of the left. This type of mistake should be easy enough to avoid.
Rule 2: Don’t stand too close. If you aren’t sure if you’re “too close” do this simple test. Imagine there is a beautiful woman in the room with you and your male friend. Does she have room to stand between the two of you? If she doesn’t, you are standing TOO CLOSE!
Lets take a look at this done correctly:
As you can see, the imaginary woman has ample room to stand between the men. A+
And now for some more problematic examples:
Here we have a slight variation of standing too close: Sitting too close. As you can see, the two men are sitting together on the far end of the couch, leaving the imaginary woman looking very unhappy indeed. Therefore, these men are sitting TOO CLOSE!
In this picture however, TWO imaginary women are being displaced. There is not a sliver of daylight between the men and therefore no imaginary woman can stand between them. They are standing TOO CLOSE!
Please also note the eye contact. This will be important later.
Rule 2B: Sometimes it can be difficult to keep track of this imaginary woman while you are both talking and walking. Thankfully a second simple rule has been developed to make sure you aren’t standing TOO CLOSE!
If you could hold a man’s hand without having to bend your elbow or reach for their hand in any way, you are standing TOO CLOSE!
Notice how the men are shoulder to shoulder (already violating the No Touching rule) and that their hands are in easy reaching distance of one another. In fact, if someone were to get a hold of this picture and put a sensor bar over their hands, you would be certain they are holding hands, therefore they are standing TOO CLOSE!
See? You are now sure they are holding hands. Clearly, they are TOO CLOSE!
Rule 3: Keep eye contact to a minumum.
Be wary of eye contact. And by that we mean avoid it at all costs. Quick glances to make sure your friend is still in the same room as you is okay. Gazing lovingly at them is not.
Again, lets take a look at a good example first:
The man on the left is managing to avoid any sort of eye contact with both other men in the elevator while still maintaining the safe distance (one imaginary woman) between them. A+
Here we have a far more serious situation arising:
As you can clearly see, both men are staring into each other’s eyes in a relatively small and (soon to be) isolated space. To correct this situation, they should be standing facing opposite directions at the very least, or if possible, taking different elevators.
Finally, we have a case of desired eye contact:
It is clear the man on the right is craving eye contact with the man on the left. Thankfully, the man on the left is doing what he is supposed to be doing and staring stonily ahead, completely unchanged by his friend’s attempts. Only through repeated rejection will the man on the right learn that eye contact is not a good thing.
Rule 4: Never say "I love you" to another man.
The only acceptable use of “I love you” between men is after several beers and with the word “man” following directly after it as in “I love you man.”
Speaking “I love you” and meaning it is strictly forbidden.
As you can see, this man is failing miserably. He omitted the all-important “man” from the end of his “I love you” and actually really meant it. Do not do this.
Rule 5: Bathroom etiquette.
-Do not EVER use the urinal directly beside another man.
-Keep your eyes forward.
-Do not initiate or participate in conversation.
In this picture, as you can see, the minimum proper distance between men at urinals is being upheld, however, the man on the right is breaking both the second and third rule of bathroom etiquette by looking at the man on the left AND talking to him.
Our second example brings us into triple threat territory:
As you can see, they are in two urinals directly beside each other. One man is seeking eye contact and they are both participating in a conversation. All in all, this is picture is a monument to bathroom anarchy. Do not follow its dangerous example.
You are now ready to test your knowledge. Circle or list the rules being broken in the following pictures:
Example A:
Example B: