Simply Amazing . . .
For the past few months I've been tryint to pinpoint exactly what it is about my boyfriend that sets him apart from the crowd and draws me to him more and more each day.
Yes, his physical appearance caught my attention and he definately arouses me. But something was reaching out to the very depths of my being, but I couldn't quite place it. I knew I trusted him, but I wasn't sure what it was that allowed me to open up to him the way I do.
I've recently realized EXACTLY what it is that is sooo different with him.
My biggest fears have revolved around the times when I am unable to control my emotions. I fight very hard to stay as rational and "real" as I know how to be, but I don't always succeed. It frustrates me to no end to be consciously aware that I'm reacting emotionally, rather than rationally.
These are the times when my fears are the worst. I fear how people will react/interpret my mood swings. I am very much aware of what people are intending to say/communicate (most of the time anyway), but when I'm being overly sensative/moody, I react emotionally . . . often contrary to what the person is trying to achieve or even how I want to react.
Most people try to change how I'm feeling. I know the intensity of my moods makes others uncomfortable. Some people fail to realize that if I knew how to change my moods, I would certainly do so, because it's a lot less fun to be experiencing these turbulant emotions than it is for those observing them.
I've had people get angry at me for how I'm feeling. Some people try to forcibly lighten my moods, or smother me with responses that they think I want to hear.
Others would just walk away, or ignore me completely. Then there are those who just stand there like a deer in headlights, trying not to move, to keep from adding fuel to the fire.
Each person reacts to me differently, all trying to deal with the discomfort my feelings provoke, and usually by trying to change how I'm feeling.
Justin is different. He accepts the feelings I'm going through as part of who I am. He doesn't try to do anything to alter them, nor does he pretend that they aren't there. His behavior toward me never changes. He doesn't withdraw, he doesn't smother, he's just there for me.
It amazes me that there are no demands, expectations, nor any judgements on the emotions that I am experiencing. I know he's concerned, but with him I'm not afraid to feel my emotions.
Because that fear isn't factoring into my already unstable emotions, my moods are a lot less intense, and I'm able to get back to "reality" a heck of a lot more quickly now.
I'm not afraid of him. I'm not afraid to be punished or judged for not always having 100% control of my emotions. I spent so much of my life being ashamed and afraid of those times when I would lose control, that it was twice as difficult to endure.
Not only was it difficult to feel helpless while going through an intense mood swing, but I had the compounded fear of how others were going to judge/react to me.
There is sooo much to Justin that appeals to me, but his unconditional acceptance of even the darkest parts of me gives me hope. I know that even if there are times when I don't know how to love myself, he will be there to help me remember.
Yes, his physical appearance caught my attention and he definately arouses me. But something was reaching out to the very depths of my being, but I couldn't quite place it. I knew I trusted him, but I wasn't sure what it was that allowed me to open up to him the way I do.
I've recently realized EXACTLY what it is that is sooo different with him.
My biggest fears have revolved around the times when I am unable to control my emotions. I fight very hard to stay as rational and "real" as I know how to be, but I don't always succeed. It frustrates me to no end to be consciously aware that I'm reacting emotionally, rather than rationally.
These are the times when my fears are the worst. I fear how people will react/interpret my mood swings. I am very much aware of what people are intending to say/communicate (most of the time anyway), but when I'm being overly sensative/moody, I react emotionally . . . often contrary to what the person is trying to achieve or even how I want to react.
Most people try to change how I'm feeling. I know the intensity of my moods makes others uncomfortable. Some people fail to realize that if I knew how to change my moods, I would certainly do so, because it's a lot less fun to be experiencing these turbulant emotions than it is for those observing them.
I've had people get angry at me for how I'm feeling. Some people try to forcibly lighten my moods, or smother me with responses that they think I want to hear.
Others would just walk away, or ignore me completely. Then there are those who just stand there like a deer in headlights, trying not to move, to keep from adding fuel to the fire.
Each person reacts to me differently, all trying to deal with the discomfort my feelings provoke, and usually by trying to change how I'm feeling.
Justin is different. He accepts the feelings I'm going through as part of who I am. He doesn't try to do anything to alter them, nor does he pretend that they aren't there. His behavior toward me never changes. He doesn't withdraw, he doesn't smother, he's just there for me.
It amazes me that there are no demands, expectations, nor any judgements on the emotions that I am experiencing. I know he's concerned, but with him I'm not afraid to feel my emotions.
Because that fear isn't factoring into my already unstable emotions, my moods are a lot less intense, and I'm able to get back to "reality" a heck of a lot more quickly now.
I'm not afraid of him. I'm not afraid to be punished or judged for not always having 100% control of my emotions. I spent so much of my life being ashamed and afraid of those times when I would lose control, that it was twice as difficult to endure.
Not only was it difficult to feel helpless while going through an intense mood swing, but I had the compounded fear of how others were going to judge/react to me.
There is sooo much to Justin that appeals to me, but his unconditional acceptance of even the darkest parts of me gives me hope. I know that even if there are times when I don't know how to love myself, he will be there to help me remember.