Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down . . .
Just when I think things are finally going good . . .
I finally go the stinking lawsuit out of the way. I also had things ready to start a job this coming Monday. I was finally going to get myself situated and everyting was falling into place. Then yesterday changed everything.
I woke up to the most intense pain I'd ever had in my entire life. Sitting, laying down, standing, bending over, nothing was relieving the pain in my intestines/stomach/back. For the past month I had similar pains, but nothing as nearly as intense. I was screaming in pain, and unable to stop crying.
It was so intense that I was "sick" for the first half hour until nothing was left in my system. And still the pain kept coming. It took me another half hour just to put some clothes on. I ventured outside to see if one of my neighbors could drive me to the doctor/hospital, and I spent almost 45 min. trying to knock on people's doors, and I was curled up on the pavement half the time while dry heaving.
I have no insurance, and I know an abulance costs at least a grand, so I sat in the car for another 30-45 min. deciding if I could even possibly drive. By the time I decided to just go ahead and drive to the emergency room, I could see the freeway from my house, and it was the middle of morning rush hour.
I decided to head the opposite direction of traffic, and was praying to see a sign for a hospital along the way . . . no such luck. After about half an hour I turned around, and headed toward the hospital by where I used to work. I pulled off at an exit, following a cop and flagged him down to ask where the nearest hospital was, or to have an ambulance come and get me.
The nearest hospital was only about a 5 min. drive from the one I was headed to anyway. He was more than willing to call an ambulance for me, but advised that my car would probably be impounded if it were left behind, so I opted to drive my ass to the hospital that I knew of. Luckily he escorted me past the worst of the traffic.
And of course, as soon as I arrived at the hospital emergency room, the pain was gone. I didn't bother going in, since I knew I couldn't afford a hospital fee, so I headed over to talk to the doctors and staff I used to work for to get advice.
I apparently have been passing gallstones, and I'm going to have to have my gallbladder removed. The surgery shouldn't be too bad, but the recovery time is several weeks. I'm going to be flying up to Alaska in a week or so to get it taken care of.
The temp. agency I am signed up with for the job I was to start is curretnly seeing if they'll hold the position for me, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm hoping that I'll find enough assistance to cover my rent/bills until I am able to get back to CA and start working again, but I'm not sure about that.
I may end up having to put everything in storage, and find a new home for Bobcat. I've got a couple of people who I can stay with in the event that I cannot stay here in CA, but I'd rather keep my current living situation.
I'm scared as hell, and frustrated. All I want to do is work, get situated and stabilized. Why can't I get a break?! These past two years have been hell, and it just doesn't want to seem to let up at all. What kinda karmatic debt have I built up to get all this? Oh well, no use bitching about it any further, but damn . . . can I at least have some shred of hope in life?
Well, that's my current drama . . . enjoy. Going through the motions of living, and making the choices I need to make. I'm alive, and I have my sanity (or something resembling it) . . . anything else is immaterial. It won't matter if I lose anything else, as long as I have those two things I know I can keep going.
I finally go the stinking lawsuit out of the way. I also had things ready to start a job this coming Monday. I was finally going to get myself situated and everyting was falling into place. Then yesterday changed everything.
I woke up to the most intense pain I'd ever had in my entire life. Sitting, laying down, standing, bending over, nothing was relieving the pain in my intestines/stomach/back. For the past month I had similar pains, but nothing as nearly as intense. I was screaming in pain, and unable to stop crying.
It was so intense that I was "sick" for the first half hour until nothing was left in my system. And still the pain kept coming. It took me another half hour just to put some clothes on. I ventured outside to see if one of my neighbors could drive me to the doctor/hospital, and I spent almost 45 min. trying to knock on people's doors, and I was curled up on the pavement half the time while dry heaving.
I have no insurance, and I know an abulance costs at least a grand, so I sat in the car for another 30-45 min. deciding if I could even possibly drive. By the time I decided to just go ahead and drive to the emergency room, I could see the freeway from my house, and it was the middle of morning rush hour.
I decided to head the opposite direction of traffic, and was praying to see a sign for a hospital along the way . . . no such luck. After about half an hour I turned around, and headed toward the hospital by where I used to work. I pulled off at an exit, following a cop and flagged him down to ask where the nearest hospital was, or to have an ambulance come and get me.
The nearest hospital was only about a 5 min. drive from the one I was headed to anyway. He was more than willing to call an ambulance for me, but advised that my car would probably be impounded if it were left behind, so I opted to drive my ass to the hospital that I knew of. Luckily he escorted me past the worst of the traffic.
And of course, as soon as I arrived at the hospital emergency room, the pain was gone. I didn't bother going in, since I knew I couldn't afford a hospital fee, so I headed over to talk to the doctors and staff I used to work for to get advice.
I apparently have been passing gallstones, and I'm going to have to have my gallbladder removed. The surgery shouldn't be too bad, but the recovery time is several weeks. I'm going to be flying up to Alaska in a week or so to get it taken care of.
The temp. agency I am signed up with for the job I was to start is curretnly seeing if they'll hold the position for me, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm hoping that I'll find enough assistance to cover my rent/bills until I am able to get back to CA and start working again, but I'm not sure about that.
I may end up having to put everything in storage, and find a new home for Bobcat. I've got a couple of people who I can stay with in the event that I cannot stay here in CA, but I'd rather keep my current living situation.
I'm scared as hell, and frustrated. All I want to do is work, get situated and stabilized. Why can't I get a break?! These past two years have been hell, and it just doesn't want to seem to let up at all. What kinda karmatic debt have I built up to get all this? Oh well, no use bitching about it any further, but damn . . . can I at least have some shred of hope in life?
Well, that's my current drama . . . enjoy. Going through the motions of living, and making the choices I need to make. I'm alive, and I have my sanity (or something resembling it) . . . anything else is immaterial. It won't matter if I lose anything else, as long as I have those two things I know I can keep going.