(no subject)
i want to type something.
but the thoughts wont flow to my fingertips
*****like an hour later*****
i went for a drive to drop something off to a friend.
anyways i started driving around
just thinking to myself
and of course i start crying.
cuz you put me in a car with music that reminds me of stuff
and a mind full of shit that i cant express
and im gonna cry.
so i was crying and trying to think of all the reasons why i was crying.
im a lonely kid
down her in pasadena.
and i push away the only people that want to be my friend.
there is something really wrong with that.
i want to be able to have a life down here.
to be excited to go home and tell my mom all about the exciting things that im doing.
but all i do is sit at home and read and watch tv.
and all i want to do is sit at home and read and watch tv
all i want to do on the weekends any more is sit with my family
i really need a job.
i found out today how much money it takes for me to live down here without one
and im not comfortable having my parents shell out that kind of cash
when i know that they have bills of thier own
they shouldnt have to pay for me to go out and do things.
they shouldnt have to pay for my car and gas money.
i just have to find something. even if its minimum wage.
anything to help out at this point would be good.
i would prefer to work in the mornings.
so i think im going to try coffee places.
they are always open early
and if i worked from like 6-11 thats decent hours
and still time to make it to school.
granted ill be really worn out.
but it has to be done.
then maybe i can find a gym thats not gonna cost an arm and a leg and hit that up
cuz curves jsut isnt my thing.
i need an eliptical and free weights. i dont like the circuit deal.
kinda of weird. but i smell my friend ashley...umm i cant call her friend anymore.
but i tore out a prefume add from cosmo..and its her perfume
and i just think about how when it was good..that it was really good.
i wish that the things that happened to her never did.
i wish that we could still be friends the way that it was.
because truthfully it was really great.
i cant decide if im going to take the other program at school.
sometimes i feel like i really want to do it.
and other times i dont want to do it at all
the commitment is gigantic. and right now im commitment phobic.
the decision has to be made in like the next 2 weeks.
tomorrow night i think im going to some comedy club thing with kim and her boy.
it should be fun
take my mind off of all this shit
saturday i dont know whats going on.
i was invited to do a lot of things..half of which im not sure im invited to anymore
becuase im stupid.
this guy dwayne that im friends with at school is throwing a party at his house that night. he came in my class and handed me a bunch of FLIERS to hand out.
no really he did...who does that any more?
it was great! but i dont think im gonna go...itll be too big of a party for me to enjoy.
hah! i just want to go home really. what are the odds that clint erica and DANNI would go to hanford all in the same weekend...that im not gonna be there...
what the fuck kind of luck is that
ok i know...erica is only like an hour away and danni like 2
so why is it easier to see them at home?
no idea! it just is
eww i am sounding super lame tonite
too bad i dont care really
yes i am still apathetic about everything
except for school.
thank god for that
but the thoughts wont flow to my fingertips
*****like an hour later*****
i went for a drive to drop something off to a friend.
anyways i started driving around
just thinking to myself
and of course i start crying.
cuz you put me in a car with music that reminds me of stuff
and a mind full of shit that i cant express
and im gonna cry.
so i was crying and trying to think of all the reasons why i was crying.
im a lonely kid
down her in pasadena.
and i push away the only people that want to be my friend.
there is something really wrong with that.
i want to be able to have a life down here.
to be excited to go home and tell my mom all about the exciting things that im doing.
but all i do is sit at home and read and watch tv.
and all i want to do is sit at home and read and watch tv
all i want to do on the weekends any more is sit with my family
i really need a job.
i found out today how much money it takes for me to live down here without one
and im not comfortable having my parents shell out that kind of cash
when i know that they have bills of thier own
they shouldnt have to pay for me to go out and do things.
they shouldnt have to pay for my car and gas money.
i just have to find something. even if its minimum wage.
anything to help out at this point would be good.
i would prefer to work in the mornings.
so i think im going to try coffee places.
they are always open early
and if i worked from like 6-11 thats decent hours
and still time to make it to school.
granted ill be really worn out.
but it has to be done.
then maybe i can find a gym thats not gonna cost an arm and a leg and hit that up
cuz curves jsut isnt my thing.
i need an eliptical and free weights. i dont like the circuit deal.
kinda of weird. but i smell my friend ashley...umm i cant call her friend anymore.
but i tore out a prefume add from cosmo..and its her perfume
and i just think about how when it was good..that it was really good.
i wish that the things that happened to her never did.
i wish that we could still be friends the way that it was.
because truthfully it was really great.
i cant decide if im going to take the other program at school.
sometimes i feel like i really want to do it.
and other times i dont want to do it at all
the commitment is gigantic. and right now im commitment phobic.
the decision has to be made in like the next 2 weeks.
tomorrow night i think im going to some comedy club thing with kim and her boy.
it should be fun
take my mind off of all this shit
saturday i dont know whats going on.
i was invited to do a lot of things..half of which im not sure im invited to anymore
becuase im stupid.
this guy dwayne that im friends with at school is throwing a party at his house that night. he came in my class and handed me a bunch of FLIERS to hand out.
no really he did...who does that any more?
it was great! but i dont think im gonna go...itll be too big of a party for me to enjoy.
hah! i just want to go home really. what are the odds that clint erica and DANNI would go to hanford all in the same weekend...that im not gonna be there...
what the fuck kind of luck is that
ok i know...erica is only like an hour away and danni like 2
so why is it easier to see them at home?
no idea! it just is
eww i am sounding super lame tonite
too bad i dont care really
yes i am still apathetic about everything
except for school.
thank god for that