For: Pukajen
Hello Pukajen! Your Secret Santa was unable to fulfil their duties (a scandal with the major, and they've lost the tiara!), so I am your back-up Santa! Yay for you!!
Fic: Serenity's Phantom
Author:Jaded_Jacqui
Rating: PG
Character focus: Mal & Inara
Summary: Simon and Kaylee see an opera, and it hits home for both of them.
Author's Note: It's a quick look through Mal and Inara's past on the show, and maybe a new spin on why they seem to be stuck.
The opera house was dark, quiet. Onstage a beautiful soprano female and a dark, brooding baratone belted out sweet harmonious elegance. Their voices intertwined with one another's as though they were magnetic, and nature had forced them to be.
The third moon of a barely Core, barely Rim planet named Piqued (the moon's name was Propriety, not that anyone ever remembered it) was holding its annual masquerade opera. It was the only bit of sophisticated razzle and dazzle the moon ever held, so the affair was the talk of neighboring planets for weeks. It was also near impossible to get seats in the famed event, unless you had a ragtag crew of miscreants who knew how to pickpocket the ass hairs off an albino. Which, luckily for Simon Tam, he did.
Jayne and Mal had done real well on the mission, managing to grab him two tickets for the show in a private box. Zoe had managed to print out an undeniably airtight photo ID, both for Simon and Kaylee. It was all working out very well. Simon had wanted to 'wow' Kaylee on their one year anniversary, and damned if he hadn't. Getting into the theatre hadn't been a problem. Finding their private box hadn't been a problem. Convincing security that he was the real Dr. Liam Shaughnassy, and not the slim doctor with the ugly wife claiming to be, had been surprisingly easy. The hard part, it seemed, was Kaylee.
"I jus' don't get it," she said, having reread the program for the eighth time.
"What don't you get?" he asked kindly.
"Well, I don't get the opera ghost. Can't he just get himself fixed, so he don't look like that no more?"
"No," he told her. "You have to remember, this play is supposed to take place back on Earth That Was. And it's also supposed to be over 650 years ago, when they didn't have surgery like we do now. I could probably fix him in our own infirmary." He smiled at her from behind his mask, proper (required) attire of the masquerade opera night. His mask was dark maroon and gray, shaped like a bird. Kaylee's sung of yellows and greens, light like springtime. She looked like an exotic cat.
Kaylee had been blown away by the entire opera experience, and the dress she was wearing(one of Zoe's, and Wash would have loved every inch of it) made her feel like the sexiest, prettiest woman there ever was. And Simon was being so sweet and patient and understanding. She loved him a thousand times over. But she just couldn't realte to the problems these people in the play were having. Who cared if the man had a few ugly scars? He was a brilliant writer of music, and he was well fed and wealthy and had a lovely girl who came to his beck and call. What was he hiding behind a mask for? And why couldn't Christine love the phantom, anyway? Just because he was ugly? Seemed awful to Kaylee.
"I can't understand why they can't just be with one another," she told him. "I mean, I know she loves Raoul, but... she's so taken with the phantom. Why don't she want him?"
Simon tried to think of the best way to explain this, a way that Kaylee could fully understand. It wasn't that she was stupid, not at all. But she had never dealt with aristocratic problems, so how could she understand? When your family had to scrap iron nineteen hours a day to keep your bellies full, a flimsy debate over appearances seemed ludicrous. But suddenly, he had it. "CLose your eyes," he whispered, slipping her masquerade mask off her smooth face. She looked at him dubiously, but did so anyway. "Now, you hear that man singing?" She nodded. "Don't think of him as the phantom. Think of him as the captain."
"Mal?" she blanched, opening her eyes. "The cap'n can't sing like-"
"Just do it," he told her sternly. Kaylee closed her eyes again, though not before rolling them. "You see him in your mind?"
"It ain't a pretty sight," she warned him, giggling. "He looks awful ridiculous in a cape and a mask." And Mal, singing like that? It was crazy.
"Okay. Well, take away the mask and the cape."
"So then... what's he wearing?"
Simon smiled. "A brown coat." Kaylee's eyebrows raised, her face lighting up. A brown coat.
That'd sure outcast him, wouldn't it? Especially in high society. Simon was pleased with the effect his metaphor was having. "Now," he continued, "think of the lovely Christine Daae... as Inara."
And now, it became so much more clear. Inara as Christine was easy. They were both elegant, dainty, proud and beautiful. And now that she thought about it, seeing Mal as a brooding, secretive loner wasn't so hard to imagine, either. The play had already begun, but Kaylee kept her eyes closed. She listened to the words, the music, and related it to her own world. "Who is Raoul?" Kaylee whispered, almost breathless.
"Anyone," Simon whispered back. "Any of her gentleman callers. Raoul is not about a person, but a lifestyle. Her freedom. The choice to stay true to herself, do as she wishes."
Kaylee could imagine it. There was Inara onstage now, not some skinny blonde girl, and Inara's voice was smooth like cream in coffee. And in her own head, Kaylee saw her friends in a way she never had before.
************************************************************************************
From day one, Inara had felt a pull to this man, this life. Malcolm Reynolds stood before her boorish, rude and insufferable. Yet behind his sly smile there was a shyness, and eagerness to explore. His eyes were alert and clear, as the sea when the storm has passed, not yet willing to admit the worst has faded. When she'd first set foot on Serenity she'd known right away that it was a heap of bolts and scrap, nothing worth seeing twice. Yet she had stayed, because something had hypnotized her. The ship's captain, a handsome man with no sense of propriety, had fallen in love with the ship. And the way he spoke of it, with fondness and tenderness and such admiration, Inara had not been able to see Serenity any other way. His words made it glow, his gentle voice made the meager accomodations sing. Inara would not lose herself to it, not let him know she longed to be here on this ship, a place where magic apparently happened. So she kept her voice cool, her words clipped, not letting the captain know that her heart sang as she stood in her room, totally aware of the comforts it would provide.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"As he takes her through the labrynth," Simon explained, "he has hypnotized her. The tunnels and sewers are all dank, musty, decaying. But he makes her see what he sees, because it is his home. It's the only place where he fits, and because he loves her, he wants her beauty to fit into it, too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mal knows as soon as he sees her that he needs this woman on his ship. He doesn't like her, not even a little, and doesn't approve much of her profession. But she has to stay. She is compelling, and smart, and he is hesitatnt to admit to it, but having her here would be beneficial to him and his crew. She has a grace about her that could sweet talk a man from his own good judgement. In fact, she had managed to talk her way out of paying what Mal had decided would be the price of the shuttle, no questions, no negotions. There was something else about her, though. Something deep and perfect. It stirred and disturbed him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"He takes her with him, into the black. He grows jealous of Raoul, of her freedom, her choices in company. His love for her, his desire to have her consumes him, and he keeps her close to him, where she cannot easily escape. He needs her grace to be what he can't, to show the good in him on one else will look for. And she loves him, but he scares her, because he represents living in the darkness, and she longs for the light. She longs for freedom. Her life has always been about rules, discipline. But what she does not realize is that, by living in her own freedom, in the light, she has tangled herself into more rules than she can stand."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mal watched, his hand and heart fallen, as Inara took the arm of Atherton Wing, her delicate hand placed on the pompous bafoon's sleeve. His anger boiled inside him. He treated her like property, and worse, she was treating herself like property. He thought Inara was different than those other whores at the companion houses he'd known. How many times had she told him she had come to Serenity for freedom, for a different life? She had hated being cooped up in the guild house like a fatted hen, just waiting for a man to choose her. She had traveled so she could be the one choosing, so she didn't have to take the arm of any man who came along, didn't have to give herself. When he'd had her in his arms, her slender frame trapped tight in his embrace, Mal had never felt so sure in all his life. Holding Inara had felt secure there, had felt right. He was certain that this is what she would have chosen, if he'd offered it. But he had offered it, as best he could, and she'd chosen... Atherton. Another man. Not her lifestyle, not the potential she could reach. A man. And he didn't like to admit it, and he never would aloud, but Mal was jealous as a man could get.
***************
Inara closed the door behind her, shutting Mal behind in a plush prison. She had tried letting him escape, but he'd refused. As she walked down the hallway, her footsteps quiet and assured, a small tear trailed down her cheek. Tomorrow, at sun up, Mal was going to die. Atherton was a fine swordsman, and although she'd seen Malcolm fight his way out of many sticky situations, she knew that his rough and tumble style would never match with the grace and discipline of a trained duelist. So this was the man she loved, then. He would always be an outsider, always sail his ship in the black. He demanded the respect of wealthy men but refused to live by their laws. Her heart wanted him, ached for him. But her head knew better. And so she had chosen Atherton, had taken his arm and followed him to his suite where they had made coitus on silk sheets with dragons blood candles burning. This was the life she needed, the level of class she craved. This was the freedom of choice she'd worked so hard to keep.
Wasn't it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"But then, she sees the phantom in a different way. And it scares her. And she hates him. He seems so consumed by darkness, and her love of Raoul is nothing but light, she wonders how she ever loved a man like the phantom. She wonders if she ever loved him, or if his mystery had only enticed her. If he was only using her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She wrapped the wool blanket around herself tightly, to keep the warmth in as best she could. She watched Mal stride away in his usual arrogant swagger, footfalls loud on cold steel. Her heart longed for him to coem with them, for her to just grab him and make him realize that he was loved, that people, not this giant steel body, needed him. But he would go down with his ship, and she hated that about him. He was determined to lock himself away, to devote himself more to a thing than to a person. How could she ever expect a man like that to love her, really love her? It was why she had never tried. Because even if she threw herself against him, confessed her love for him, it would accomplish nothing. He would want his boat, and he would place her second. And she would become more of a piece of property to him than all the clients she'd ever had, the men Mal claimed thought they owned her. At least those men paid well for her, made her know her worth. When a man would always choose the black over his heart, how much could you really be worth to him?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So, does she leave with Raoul?" Kaylee murmured. "Does she get away?"
"She tries," Simon tells her. "She commits herself to Raoul, to be married. But every day she lives in fear that the phantom will find them out. Meanwhile, the phantom starts drowning in his own lonliness. He knows about Christine's plan to leave him forever, so he starts to plot. He writes a play to use as a way to show her how much he loves her, so she'll choose him over Raoul. He stays in his cavern, letting the darkness overtake him as he writes. It's speculative as to whether or not he knew that the performance of his play was a trap, and if he decided to go anyway. Maybe Christine's wanting to leave him drove him to madness, or his trying to find a way to show her how he needs her did."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Without Inara, his bootheels clicked loudly in the night. They echoed throughout the cavernousness of the space. Without the companion to gracefully step out of her shuttle, her silky sheer robe barely closed over a lacy pink nightgown, the echoes went on forever. Without Inara asking Mal why he was up so late, without her tired smile and the offer of tea, the captain's shoes would simply clack throughout the ship for eternity. But not for long. Mal knew that going to Inara's guild would be a trap. He knew that some Alliance scum would be waiting for them there, and that it would be very likely if he were killed on sight. But the madness had to end. He couldn't handle running all the time, always being chased for something he had not done wrong. There were any things in Malcolm Reynold's life that he'd done bad, but this here weren't one of them. Saving the Tams had been nothing but good. Almost more than that, however, he couldn't handle not knowing. Every day with the companion he had known that their lives were too different, that they'd never stand one another. Now, not seeing her, he could almost convince himself that he could change, that she could. It drove him to madness. He envisioned her in his bed late at night, his lips tasted her when he awoke. He was going to that guild, and he was going to save her, even if it killed him. Which he had a good feeling it would. But not being near her was worse.
*********************************
Kaylee, still applauding, rose from her opera seat and stretched. "It was beautiful," she told Simon, beaming. "The music moved me to tears half the time. Oh, God, her voice was so perfect." She took Simon's outstretched hand with one of hers, smoothed her dress with the other. "So, she chose Raoul, then?"
"Yes."
She thought a moment, as they wove their way through the crowd. "But she went back to the phantom's lair."
"To save Raoul, yes." He was smiling, because he already knew where the mechanics of her brain were churning.
"But she kissed the phantom."
"So in a way, I guess...she chose both."
Both freedom and love? Could Christine choose that?
*******************************************************************************
"It was beautiful," Kaylee swooned. "Thank you all for making it possible." She hugged Jayne, Zoe and Mal in turn. Discreetly, she garbbed hold of the captain's wrist and pulled him aside. "Cap'n," she whispered, "I have some advice for you."
"For me?" he asked, both amused and interested. "If it's that little mechanics like the opera, I might've known that already."
"No. It's about Inara."
Mal made a face, though decided not to quiet her just yet. "Mm." he grunted.
"She's used to living in the light, see, and you're used to being in the dark."
"What the-"
"Not literally, o'course, but, y'know... like she likes the shiny Core and you stay out in the black. Like a phantom."
"Phantom, eh? I see." Now he was back to amused. Apparently this play had gone right to her head.
"And you hide behind your Brown Coat mask, not even trying to live in her regular society. And you keep yourself locked up tight alone, where she can't get you. And Inara's a Prima Donna, she can't be kept hidden with you. And you don't want to hide her, but you don't wanna let her go, neither. So how can you live in her world that shuns you, but keep her safe from your world? You ain't found a way yet. So I know how. And I thought I should tell you."
Mal's mouth dropped open, just a little. The words that came out of Kaylee's mouth had been so poignant, so honest and observant, he didn't know what to say. Eventually, all that came out was "Okay."
"Just tell her, 'Anywhere you go, Inara, let me go too.'."
"But she... her shuttle is on my ship, how can we not-"
"That ain't the point," Kaylee told him kindly. "She's renting a shuttle. You two ain't going together, you're just going in the same direction. It ain't the same. So just tell her that." She kissed Mal's cheek again, feeling quite proud of herself. As she walked away to tell Zoe and Jayne all about her opera experience, Mal stared after her a moment, dumbstruck.
**************************************************************************
He knocked three times on the shuttle's entryway. "You got a minute?"
Inara pulled back the curtain, escorting him inside. "I have a few, I believe. What with it being the middle of the night and all."
"I'm sorry, I was just-"
"Pacing, I know. I heard it. I admit, that's one thing I did not miss about living at the guild." She poured a steaming cup of tea from her teapot, which had already been heated long before Mal had tapped on her door. "I expected to hear you sooner, actually. I almost went to bed."
He fidgeted with the cup, not drinking. "Yeah, I was trying not to wake you, but..." He cleared his throat. "So... you bein' back on the ship, we ain't really discussed... some things."
"Yes, well," she said uncomfortably, "I had thought maybe we shouldn't-"
"You rent this shuttle," he informed her, like she didn't know. "So we're always gonna be goin' where the other goes, right? But it ain't the same as two people going someplace... together, you know what I mean?"
Inara's breath caught in her throat. "I think I do," she said softly, now very aware as to how close he was to her.
"And the thing is, since you left, I... it ain't enough for me to just be going where you're already going, dong ma? I just..." How was it that Kaylee had put it? "I ain't asking much from you, cuz I know you ain't got that much to give. You got your life, your freedom. I got mine, and you know I hate complications. Life's simpler without 'em. But I still wanna be going with you places, not just riding next to you. You know what I mean?"
"I think," she began slowly, "you mean you don't just want to be a passer-by on a ship. You want to be a... companion to me. Someone by my side."
"It's all I can give you," he said honestly. "But that don't mean it's not a lot."
"No, I know, it is," she assured him. She was smiling now, surprised and happy and delighted. She didn't want to lose her lifestyle, but she didn't want to pretend like there was nothing there anymore. Life was too short to ignore happiness.
"So, wherever it is you're going, I want to be there with you."
She smiled, starting to cry a little. This talk was a long time coming, but she had expected an ultimatum asking her to give up her life as a companion. That at the very least. "Is that all you want?" she asked.
He smiled softly. "That's all I ask of you."
Fic: Serenity's Phantom
Author:Jaded_Jacqui
Rating: PG
Character focus: Mal & Inara
Summary: Simon and Kaylee see an opera, and it hits home for both of them.
Author's Note: It's a quick look through Mal and Inara's past on the show, and maybe a new spin on why they seem to be stuck.
The opera house was dark, quiet. Onstage a beautiful soprano female and a dark, brooding baratone belted out sweet harmonious elegance. Their voices intertwined with one another's as though they were magnetic, and nature had forced them to be.
The third moon of a barely Core, barely Rim planet named Piqued (the moon's name was Propriety, not that anyone ever remembered it) was holding its annual masquerade opera. It was the only bit of sophisticated razzle and dazzle the moon ever held, so the affair was the talk of neighboring planets for weeks. It was also near impossible to get seats in the famed event, unless you had a ragtag crew of miscreants who knew how to pickpocket the ass hairs off an albino. Which, luckily for Simon Tam, he did.
Jayne and Mal had done real well on the mission, managing to grab him two tickets for the show in a private box. Zoe had managed to print out an undeniably airtight photo ID, both for Simon and Kaylee. It was all working out very well. Simon had wanted to 'wow' Kaylee on their one year anniversary, and damned if he hadn't. Getting into the theatre hadn't been a problem. Finding their private box hadn't been a problem. Convincing security that he was the real Dr. Liam Shaughnassy, and not the slim doctor with the ugly wife claiming to be, had been surprisingly easy. The hard part, it seemed, was Kaylee.
"I jus' don't get it," she said, having reread the program for the eighth time.
"What don't you get?" he asked kindly.
"Well, I don't get the opera ghost. Can't he just get himself fixed, so he don't look like that no more?"
"No," he told her. "You have to remember, this play is supposed to take place back on Earth That Was. And it's also supposed to be over 650 years ago, when they didn't have surgery like we do now. I could probably fix him in our own infirmary." He smiled at her from behind his mask, proper (required) attire of the masquerade opera night. His mask was dark maroon and gray, shaped like a bird. Kaylee's sung of yellows and greens, light like springtime. She looked like an exotic cat.
Kaylee had been blown away by the entire opera experience, and the dress she was wearing(one of Zoe's, and Wash would have loved every inch of it) made her feel like the sexiest, prettiest woman there ever was. And Simon was being so sweet and patient and understanding. She loved him a thousand times over. But she just couldn't realte to the problems these people in the play were having. Who cared if the man had a few ugly scars? He was a brilliant writer of music, and he was well fed and wealthy and had a lovely girl who came to his beck and call. What was he hiding behind a mask for? And why couldn't Christine love the phantom, anyway? Just because he was ugly? Seemed awful to Kaylee.
"I can't understand why they can't just be with one another," she told him. "I mean, I know she loves Raoul, but... she's so taken with the phantom. Why don't she want him?"
Simon tried to think of the best way to explain this, a way that Kaylee could fully understand. It wasn't that she was stupid, not at all. But she had never dealt with aristocratic problems, so how could she understand? When your family had to scrap iron nineteen hours a day to keep your bellies full, a flimsy debate over appearances seemed ludicrous. But suddenly, he had it. "CLose your eyes," he whispered, slipping her masquerade mask off her smooth face. She looked at him dubiously, but did so anyway. "Now, you hear that man singing?" She nodded. "Don't think of him as the phantom. Think of him as the captain."
"Mal?" she blanched, opening her eyes. "The cap'n can't sing like-"
"Just do it," he told her sternly. Kaylee closed her eyes again, though not before rolling them. "You see him in your mind?"
"It ain't a pretty sight," she warned him, giggling. "He looks awful ridiculous in a cape and a mask." And Mal, singing like that? It was crazy.
"Okay. Well, take away the mask and the cape."
"So then... what's he wearing?"
Simon smiled. "A brown coat." Kaylee's eyebrows raised, her face lighting up. A brown coat.
That'd sure outcast him, wouldn't it? Especially in high society. Simon was pleased with the effect his metaphor was having. "Now," he continued, "think of the lovely Christine Daae... as Inara."
And now, it became so much more clear. Inara as Christine was easy. They were both elegant, dainty, proud and beautiful. And now that she thought about it, seeing Mal as a brooding, secretive loner wasn't so hard to imagine, either. The play had already begun, but Kaylee kept her eyes closed. She listened to the words, the music, and related it to her own world. "Who is Raoul?" Kaylee whispered, almost breathless.
"Anyone," Simon whispered back. "Any of her gentleman callers. Raoul is not about a person, but a lifestyle. Her freedom. The choice to stay true to herself, do as she wishes."
Kaylee could imagine it. There was Inara onstage now, not some skinny blonde girl, and Inara's voice was smooth like cream in coffee. And in her own head, Kaylee saw her friends in a way she never had before.
************************************************************************************
From day one, Inara had felt a pull to this man, this life. Malcolm Reynolds stood before her boorish, rude and insufferable. Yet behind his sly smile there was a shyness, and eagerness to explore. His eyes were alert and clear, as the sea when the storm has passed, not yet willing to admit the worst has faded. When she'd first set foot on Serenity she'd known right away that it was a heap of bolts and scrap, nothing worth seeing twice. Yet she had stayed, because something had hypnotized her. The ship's captain, a handsome man with no sense of propriety, had fallen in love with the ship. And the way he spoke of it, with fondness and tenderness and such admiration, Inara had not been able to see Serenity any other way. His words made it glow, his gentle voice made the meager accomodations sing. Inara would not lose herself to it, not let him know she longed to be here on this ship, a place where magic apparently happened. So she kept her voice cool, her words clipped, not letting the captain know that her heart sang as she stood in her room, totally aware of the comforts it would provide.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"As he takes her through the labrynth," Simon explained, "he has hypnotized her. The tunnels and sewers are all dank, musty, decaying. But he makes her see what he sees, because it is his home. It's the only place where he fits, and because he loves her, he wants her beauty to fit into it, too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mal knows as soon as he sees her that he needs this woman on his ship. He doesn't like her, not even a little, and doesn't approve much of her profession. But she has to stay. She is compelling, and smart, and he is hesitatnt to admit to it, but having her here would be beneficial to him and his crew. She has a grace about her that could sweet talk a man from his own good judgement. In fact, she had managed to talk her way out of paying what Mal had decided would be the price of the shuttle, no questions, no negotions. There was something else about her, though. Something deep and perfect. It stirred and disturbed him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"He takes her with him, into the black. He grows jealous of Raoul, of her freedom, her choices in company. His love for her, his desire to have her consumes him, and he keeps her close to him, where she cannot easily escape. He needs her grace to be what he can't, to show the good in him on one else will look for. And she loves him, but he scares her, because he represents living in the darkness, and she longs for the light. She longs for freedom. Her life has always been about rules, discipline. But what she does not realize is that, by living in her own freedom, in the light, she has tangled herself into more rules than she can stand."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mal watched, his hand and heart fallen, as Inara took the arm of Atherton Wing, her delicate hand placed on the pompous bafoon's sleeve. His anger boiled inside him. He treated her like property, and worse, she was treating herself like property. He thought Inara was different than those other whores at the companion houses he'd known. How many times had she told him she had come to Serenity for freedom, for a different life? She had hated being cooped up in the guild house like a fatted hen, just waiting for a man to choose her. She had traveled so she could be the one choosing, so she didn't have to take the arm of any man who came along, didn't have to give herself. When he'd had her in his arms, her slender frame trapped tight in his embrace, Mal had never felt so sure in all his life. Holding Inara had felt secure there, had felt right. He was certain that this is what she would have chosen, if he'd offered it. But he had offered it, as best he could, and she'd chosen... Atherton. Another man. Not her lifestyle, not the potential she could reach. A man. And he didn't like to admit it, and he never would aloud, but Mal was jealous as a man could get.
***************
Inara closed the door behind her, shutting Mal behind in a plush prison. She had tried letting him escape, but he'd refused. As she walked down the hallway, her footsteps quiet and assured, a small tear trailed down her cheek. Tomorrow, at sun up, Mal was going to die. Atherton was a fine swordsman, and although she'd seen Malcolm fight his way out of many sticky situations, she knew that his rough and tumble style would never match with the grace and discipline of a trained duelist. So this was the man she loved, then. He would always be an outsider, always sail his ship in the black. He demanded the respect of wealthy men but refused to live by their laws. Her heart wanted him, ached for him. But her head knew better. And so she had chosen Atherton, had taken his arm and followed him to his suite where they had made coitus on silk sheets with dragons blood candles burning. This was the life she needed, the level of class she craved. This was the freedom of choice she'd worked so hard to keep.
Wasn't it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"But then, she sees the phantom in a different way. And it scares her. And she hates him. He seems so consumed by darkness, and her love of Raoul is nothing but light, she wonders how she ever loved a man like the phantom. She wonders if she ever loved him, or if his mystery had only enticed her. If he was only using her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She wrapped the wool blanket around herself tightly, to keep the warmth in as best she could. She watched Mal stride away in his usual arrogant swagger, footfalls loud on cold steel. Her heart longed for him to coem with them, for her to just grab him and make him realize that he was loved, that people, not this giant steel body, needed him. But he would go down with his ship, and she hated that about him. He was determined to lock himself away, to devote himself more to a thing than to a person. How could she ever expect a man like that to love her, really love her? It was why she had never tried. Because even if she threw herself against him, confessed her love for him, it would accomplish nothing. He would want his boat, and he would place her second. And she would become more of a piece of property to him than all the clients she'd ever had, the men Mal claimed thought they owned her. At least those men paid well for her, made her know her worth. When a man would always choose the black over his heart, how much could you really be worth to him?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So, does she leave with Raoul?" Kaylee murmured. "Does she get away?"
"She tries," Simon tells her. "She commits herself to Raoul, to be married. But every day she lives in fear that the phantom will find them out. Meanwhile, the phantom starts drowning in his own lonliness. He knows about Christine's plan to leave him forever, so he starts to plot. He writes a play to use as a way to show her how much he loves her, so she'll choose him over Raoul. He stays in his cavern, letting the darkness overtake him as he writes. It's speculative as to whether or not he knew that the performance of his play was a trap, and if he decided to go anyway. Maybe Christine's wanting to leave him drove him to madness, or his trying to find a way to show her how he needs her did."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Without Inara, his bootheels clicked loudly in the night. They echoed throughout the cavernousness of the space. Without the companion to gracefully step out of her shuttle, her silky sheer robe barely closed over a lacy pink nightgown, the echoes went on forever. Without Inara asking Mal why he was up so late, without her tired smile and the offer of tea, the captain's shoes would simply clack throughout the ship for eternity. But not for long. Mal knew that going to Inara's guild would be a trap. He knew that some Alliance scum would be waiting for them there, and that it would be very likely if he were killed on sight. But the madness had to end. He couldn't handle running all the time, always being chased for something he had not done wrong. There were any things in Malcolm Reynold's life that he'd done bad, but this here weren't one of them. Saving the Tams had been nothing but good. Almost more than that, however, he couldn't handle not knowing. Every day with the companion he had known that their lives were too different, that they'd never stand one another. Now, not seeing her, he could almost convince himself that he could change, that she could. It drove him to madness. He envisioned her in his bed late at night, his lips tasted her when he awoke. He was going to that guild, and he was going to save her, even if it killed him. Which he had a good feeling it would. But not being near her was worse.
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Kaylee, still applauding, rose from her opera seat and stretched. "It was beautiful," she told Simon, beaming. "The music moved me to tears half the time. Oh, God, her voice was so perfect." She took Simon's outstretched hand with one of hers, smoothed her dress with the other. "So, she chose Raoul, then?"
"Yes."
She thought a moment, as they wove their way through the crowd. "But she went back to the phantom's lair."
"To save Raoul, yes." He was smiling, because he already knew where the mechanics of her brain were churning.
"But she kissed the phantom."
"So in a way, I guess...she chose both."
Both freedom and love? Could Christine choose that?
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"It was beautiful," Kaylee swooned. "Thank you all for making it possible." She hugged Jayne, Zoe and Mal in turn. Discreetly, she garbbed hold of the captain's wrist and pulled him aside. "Cap'n," she whispered, "I have some advice for you."
"For me?" he asked, both amused and interested. "If it's that little mechanics like the opera, I might've known that already."
"No. It's about Inara."
Mal made a face, though decided not to quiet her just yet. "Mm." he grunted.
"She's used to living in the light, see, and you're used to being in the dark."
"What the-"
"Not literally, o'course, but, y'know... like she likes the shiny Core and you stay out in the black. Like a phantom."
"Phantom, eh? I see." Now he was back to amused. Apparently this play had gone right to her head.
"And you hide behind your Brown Coat mask, not even trying to live in her regular society. And you keep yourself locked up tight alone, where she can't get you. And Inara's a Prima Donna, she can't be kept hidden with you. And you don't want to hide her, but you don't wanna let her go, neither. So how can you live in her world that shuns you, but keep her safe from your world? You ain't found a way yet. So I know how. And I thought I should tell you."
Mal's mouth dropped open, just a little. The words that came out of Kaylee's mouth had been so poignant, so honest and observant, he didn't know what to say. Eventually, all that came out was "Okay."
"Just tell her, 'Anywhere you go, Inara, let me go too.'."
"But she... her shuttle is on my ship, how can we not-"
"That ain't the point," Kaylee told him kindly. "She's renting a shuttle. You two ain't going together, you're just going in the same direction. It ain't the same. So just tell her that." She kissed Mal's cheek again, feeling quite proud of herself. As she walked away to tell Zoe and Jayne all about her opera experience, Mal stared after her a moment, dumbstruck.
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He knocked three times on the shuttle's entryway. "You got a minute?"
Inara pulled back the curtain, escorting him inside. "I have a few, I believe. What with it being the middle of the night and all."
"I'm sorry, I was just-"
"Pacing, I know. I heard it. I admit, that's one thing I did not miss about living at the guild." She poured a steaming cup of tea from her teapot, which had already been heated long before Mal had tapped on her door. "I expected to hear you sooner, actually. I almost went to bed."
He fidgeted with the cup, not drinking. "Yeah, I was trying not to wake you, but..." He cleared his throat. "So... you bein' back on the ship, we ain't really discussed... some things."
"Yes, well," she said uncomfortably, "I had thought maybe we shouldn't-"
"You rent this shuttle," he informed her, like she didn't know. "So we're always gonna be goin' where the other goes, right? But it ain't the same as two people going someplace... together, you know what I mean?"
Inara's breath caught in her throat. "I think I do," she said softly, now very aware as to how close he was to her.
"And the thing is, since you left, I... it ain't enough for me to just be going where you're already going, dong ma? I just..." How was it that Kaylee had put it? "I ain't asking much from you, cuz I know you ain't got that much to give. You got your life, your freedom. I got mine, and you know I hate complications. Life's simpler without 'em. But I still wanna be going with you places, not just riding next to you. You know what I mean?"
"I think," she began slowly, "you mean you don't just want to be a passer-by on a ship. You want to be a... companion to me. Someone by my side."
"It's all I can give you," he said honestly. "But that don't mean it's not a lot."
"No, I know, it is," she assured him. She was smiling now, surprised and happy and delighted. She didn't want to lose her lifestyle, but she didn't want to pretend like there was nothing there anymore. Life was too short to ignore happiness.
"So, wherever it is you're going, I want to be there with you."
She smiled, starting to cry a little. This talk was a long time coming, but she had expected an ultimatum asking her to give up her life as a companion. That at the very least. "Is that all you want?" she asked.
He smiled softly. "That's all I ask of you."