Fic: Doctor Who-Never Quite Gone (Ten/Rose) Chapter 6
You Might Be the Only One Who Sees Me
A/N: Hi back again, school’s zapped all my creativity but this chapter’s been in my head for months.
“Who are you? Where are we?” John Smith exclaimed, forcing his hand through his hair.
Rose’s hands flew to her face in a poor attempt to cover her sob. Here was the Doctor. Her Doctor. Standing only a few feet from her…but he was so different. His eyes weren’t the Doctor’s. Gone was the age, the guilt and in its place, human confusion and fear. Rose couldn’t bring herself to say anything.
Looking around her, Rose saw they weren’t really in any sort of room. Everything was white but there were no walls, no ceiling, no floor. It was like they were literally nowhere.
John Smith moved towards her suddenly, a ghost of recognition crossing his features. His voice was soft, “I know you, I…I’ve seen you before.” Rose could only manage a bare nod and released the sob she’d been holding. He kept coming towards her, his head tilted to the side, “Rose. You are Rose. I’ve seen you before, you’re always in my dreams.” His hand began to reach for her face before suddenly dropping, “I’m dreaming then?”
Rose took a steadying breath and finally spoke, “Not really. This has to do with the Doctor.”
John’s face hardened and he moved away from her, “Course it does.”
Rose resisted the temptation to reach her hand out to him, she summoned all the control she could find in herself and reminded herself of why she was here. “I know that you’re happy with your life, that you’ve fallen…that you fell in love.” She wiped the tears away with frustration, “…and now you’re being asked to give that all up.”
John moved towards her again, desperation on his face. “All I want is to get married, have children, just live a normal life…I’ve seen it, the watch showed me,” he was begging with her.
Rose collapsed onto the floor at his words and John rushed down beside her, one hand on her arm, the other on her back. His sudden touch sent her into more sobs and before she thought about it, she had wrapped herself in his arms. They sat there for a long time, both needing comfort. He was lost and she felt like she’d just lost the very thing she needed to find.
The intimacy came so easily, even though he was a different man. He smelled different, his touch was initially more hesitant but if she kept her eyes closed, it almost felt like it was her Doctor.
John stroked the hair away from her face but didn’t move away from her, “Why are you always falling? In my dreams you’re always smiling, holding my hand, then you’re falling and I can’t see you anymore, just a wall?”
Rose bit her lip, how could she explain? She could barely even talk about it, being ripped away from him. That’s what it felt like, she hadn’t fallen from him, she’d been ripped from him.
“He loves you, doesn’t he?”
Rose pulled her head away from his shoulder, her mouth opening and closing, not knowing what to say. “I love him.”
John Smith nodded slowly, “But you’re not with him anymore?”
Rose wiped the remaining tears from her face and moved further away from John. “We got separated, I’m trapped in a parallel world.” Not noticing, she took his hand in hers, “But I could see everything,” at this she smiled. “It was like I never really left. I’m still with him, he…he just doesn’t know it.”
John Smith sat back on his hands, taking it all in. “Tell me.”
So Rose told John Smith about the last year and he told her about his last couple of months.
“So I’m supposed to choose a life like that? Alone?”
Rose sighed, how could she ask anyone to do that? “He’s not totally alone.”
John Smith stood up and stared down at her, “But he doesn’t know that. Will he remember this?”
Rose shook her head feebly, “I don’t know.”
“Can you get back?”
“I hope so.”
“But you don’t know for sure,” he began pacing, running his hands over his face, ruffling his hair and for a moment Rose forgot who she was talking to.
Rose stood up and charged towards John, “He saves lives, he stands up for people who can’t, he makes not only earth but the entire universe safer. He is a good man. He didn’t choose his life or all the pain that comes with it but he keeps going. He is the strongest man I have ever met. And if you take him away, you will take him away from everyone.”
Rose marched away, turning her back on him and crossing her arms. When she spoke again her voice was calmer, slower, “I would give anything to see him again, anything. But what he showed me, what he taught me…if I never see him again…I’m just so much better off because I met him.”
There was a long silence before John spoke, “I hope he’ll remember this.”
Rose turned around and let out a sob of relief before running and throwing her arms around John Smith. He didn’t move for a moment and then he too wrapped his arms around her. “Golden hair that smells like strawberries, terribly big brown eyes, yellowy, soft skin. I’ll remember, so he can remember.”
Rose’s eyes were swimming with tears as she reached her hands to outline his face. “I miss this face, I miss him so much.” Rose realized though that even though the TARDIS said she was working on getting through, it wasn’t for sure. That this could be the closest she’d ever get to the Doctor. ”…just make sure he knows I’m there for him, that he is not alone and that I love him so much.” Maybe that was okay, maybe that was enough.
She hugged him again not wanting to let go, “Thank you.”
And suddenly John Smith’s voice changed, “Well anything to make Rose Tyler smile, lights up entire city blocks. Bit of a toothy grin but I happen to-”
Rose stumbled backwards but John Smith had a look of shock on his face, “Sorry that keeps happening, that’s the Doctor then?”
All Rose could do was nod her head but a small smile escaped her, “He’s very fond of talking.” They stood for several seconds smiling at each other and then both started talking at the same time.
“You should-“
“I better get-“
Rose smiled at him, “Good-bye John Smith.”
“Good-bye Rose Tyler, it was a pleasure to meet you.”
Rose was about to say the same, when she found herself staring out onto the water. She looked around her, she was in the middle of the city. But not her city she realized, looking out into the ocean, where the sun was just starting to raise.
“I’m in bloody Cardiff.”
She sat down on a bench near her, wrapping her jacket around her against the breeze. She took a deep breath and opened her mind to see if the Doctor was back yet. For a long moment there was nothing and then image after image flashed in her mind. Gallifrey, Daleks, the TARDIS, Cybermen, an assemblage of different faces and then…hers. The Doctor was reliving their first meeting, their dance, his death and finally her…falling away from him.
Rose watched the Doctor punish The Family, it was the first time she’d ever been afraid, not of him, just of how far he would go. It was like he’d slowly sunk back into his former ninth self but this time there was no one to stop him. The darkness in his eyes, when he stared at the mirror turned her stomach.
She’d always known about the darkness but when she was with him, it only stood on the cliff and other times, disappeared completely. Rose’s heart was breaking to see it in full form now. She also knew that he didn’t remember, he didn’t know they’d spoken, held each other. He thought he was alone…he didn’t remember.
Rose shut herself off from him, exhausted. Could she really do this again? Could she watch him suffer and not be able to do anything about it? Did she have any choice?
A cab ride, train and another cab took her to her apartment and straight into the shower. Rose had spent most of the trip sleeping, keeping her phone off. When she finally got out of shower she checked her phone. She’d missed 15 calls. And it was ringing again.
“Mum? How long’s it been?”
**
A few hours later Rose sat in the Tyler residence’s living room in front of Pete, her mum, Mickey and Gwen. Rose was impressed that they had all so eagerly come, after how she’d treated them over the last few months. Apparently she’d been missing for three days and she guessed that was enough to soften their hearts.
It didn’t stop Jackie from slapping her though.
Rose gave them the brief explanation of what had happened but no one looked happy with her when she’d finally finished. Her mum had walked out of the room without a word, Mickey following not long after. Pete crossed his arms and said nothing, Gwen was the only one to say anything to her.
“Can he hear you?”
Rose shook her head, resisting the urge to lapse into tears.
Finally Pete spoke, “If you plan on leaving, you best make the most out of the time you’ve got.”
Rose nodded. Even though she could never be sure whether she would leave, he was right. And that was exactly what Rose did. It had only taken three slammed doors, two bouquets of flowers and a promise to baby-sit for Jackie to forgive her.
“Guess, I just thought you’d eventually stay.”
Rose reached for her mum’s hand, “I’m not going anywhere right now and I may not be.”
Mickey was a little more work, tickets to football matches got her snide looks, showing up for pub night with work resulted in him leaving and Rose was pretty sure flowers weren’t going to work. Eventually it was just time that Mickey needed. He’d put in enough as it was, now it was her time.
Rose kept most of the Doctor’s doing’s to herself, even when he’d been captured by the Master. She talked to Gwen as much as possible and was glad to have her back as a friend, as well as a guide.
Three weeks into the Doctor’s imprisonment Rose stormed into Pete’s office, despite Gwen’s assurance it wouldn’t help.
“I need to get through to him.”
Pete sat back into his chair and crossed his arms, Gwen followed Rose in shortly after. “What makes you think I have a way?” Rose didn’t miss his quick look at Gwen.
Rose walked closer to the desk, “I know about IT.”
Pete slumped in his chair in frustration, “You told her,” he said to Gwen.
Gwen came forward, hands on her hips, “No, she found it herself. But I’ve already told her it’s not to be used.”
Rose ignored Gwen, “He needs me.”
“We need you too! And there’s no way in bloody hell I’m risking your life so you can just talk to the Doctor.” Pete stood up and stared down Rose.
“Look, I heard him. He’s stuck there for an entire year and I can’t just leave him to be all alone.”
Pete stared down at her now in confusion. Rose had told them about the Doctor being captured but that was all. “How do you know that?”
Rose put her hands on her hips and refrained from rolling her eyes, “I can hear his thoughts, remember.” Rose walked over to the window and stared out, “He keeps him in bloody tent on the floor and he aged him, horribly.” Rose turned back to them, her resolve back, “He needs to connect with the psychic network, it’s a bit complicated but I can help.”
At this Gwen stepped forward, her arms folded across herself and her voice hard, “How are you going to that, how do you know you won’t get in the way, Rose?
“Bad Wolf,” it was a bare whisper, even Rose wasn’t sure enough to say it aloud.
Pete stood up, “No, absolutely no way. Gwen’s right, if the Doctor has a plan maybe its best to just leave it to him. You have work to do here and I won’t risk using something we know nothing about.”
Pete turned his back to both of them and returned to his desk, ignoring Rose’s glare by rummaging through paper work.
It was mostly that Rose just couldn’t bare to see the Doctor all alone like that, she knew Martha Jones would be successful, she wasn’t sure how knew that but it was firm in her mind. Maybe they were right, that she might muck it up if she got involved. She knew the Doctor now spent most of his time interfacing with the system, in fact she was surprised that she was still connected to him at all, considering what had happened to the TARDIS.
The piece of equipment the three of them were referring to was a piece of alien technology that they had found. They thought it was some sort of communication device and it flared with similar readings to what was going on with Rose and the TARDIS. Pete had hidden it away, knowing Rose would want it, as well as not knowing the dangers associated with it.
Gwen suspected that it would force open the “channel” as it were, between Rose and the Doctor and had filed her ideas with the device. Rose, in a desperate search through the archives had found the reference and run right into Gwen office moments later.
Rose left work early that day, giving up on trying to push Gwen and Pete into letting her have it. It had been almost four months since she’d been in that white space of the TARDIS, with three of those months being the Doctor stuck in 1969. She’d be the first to admit that she missed him even more than before if that was possible. But she was fairly sure that trying to connect with him wasn’t just that, there seemed to be something prodding at her that this was something she needed to do.
Rose had considered figuring out a way to steal the communication device, throwing her job and most likely some of her friends away in the process but Pete had the foresight to send her on a ‘business trip’ before she could make a decision. There had been some strange things happening in Cardiff lately, things appearing and disappearing.
Rose, Mickey and Jake were sent to investigate since there was no local Torchwood branch present. They’d split up on the first day to take readings around the city. Rose had noticed her device’s readings building as she walked towards the area that four months ago she’d awoken in. Not seeing anything out of the ordinary she wandered down a side street not far from the waterfront. In a tiny store window, she saw something that made her drop the device from her hands.
Bad Wolf Psychics
A/N: I promise I won’t take another few months to post the next chapter but I made this one really long to make up for the long wait. R and R!