Fic: Doctor Who-Never Quite Gone (Ten/Rose) Chapter 4
A/N: Thanks to everybody who reviewed but I have a bit of a favour to ask. Is it possible if you have time, you could include some constructive criticisms? I’m really excited about this story so I’d really love to do a good job of it. Thanks and enjoy!
Rose’s daily appointments with Gwen, weren’t anything like the first. Gwen expected a lot from Rose and usually by the time they’re two hour sessions were over, Rose was utterly exhausted.
Gwen had started with ‘mental exercises,’ all of which seemed fairly childish to Rose. As they progressed though, Rose noticed she could barely keep her eyes open throughout the rest of the day. What had started to scare Rose was that when she fell asleep, most of the time her visions weren’t there. She had dreams and they were clearly dreams, since most of them featured her with the Doctor.
A week after they’d started Gwen explained the sudden loss, “We’re putting a sort of ‘door’ on your ability, your connection to the Doctor. So that you can open and close it at will. But to be able to get to that point we have to build the door first, so things won’t filter through quite as easily.”
Rose shifted uncertainly, “But it’ll come back, yeah? Cause, what if something happens…to him.”
Gwen looked at Rose with something akin to pity, “It’ll come back and then you’ll be able to stop it when you need to. I was thinking that it would be a good idea for you to head back to work, slowly at first. Maybe find a hobby?”
Rose stood up from her chair so she could stare out the window, “You mean I should stop being obsessed with a man who is…gone?” Her tone was bitter and she didn’t attempt to wipe away the tear rolling down her cheek. “Everyone keeps telling me that. I’m just not ready, you know, to let him go. I can’t.”
Rose did go back to Torchwood the next day and she really did make an attempt to be around her family as much as possible. The entire time though, she worked hard with Gwen. Slowly she was able to pull herself out of the visions and once she had attained that, she was able to enter into them whenever she wanted to.
During conversations, at work, even in her sessions with Gwen, Rose would allow her mind to wander to the Doctor’s. She kept telling herself she was just watching over him but she knew that what she was really trying to do was contact him.
It didn’t make sense that she could be connected with him like this but not him with her. But he couldn’t hear her, despite how many times she tried; he never heard or felt her. At times, she thought it was for the best. Just because he could hear her, still didn’t mean he find her again. But most of the time, she ignored that. She was blind to everything but being back with the Doctor.
It was a few weeks after she’d attained the ability to control her connection, that she was having dinner with Mickey. He was talking about work and Rose, as per her new habit, was watching the Doctor. She wasn’t sure when Mickey had stopped talking but when he pushed his chair back and stood up, Rose finally realized he’d noticed what she was doing.
His eyes were on fire, his fists clenched and all he managed was a frustrated shake of the head before leaving the restaurant. Rose chased after him and yanked on his arm to stop him.
“I know you don’t want to be here but you could at least bloody try!”
Rose took a step back, her voice unable to respond.
“I know what it’s like. I don’t know if you actually remember but I was trapped here too. I may have made the decision to stay but that don’t mean I didn’t sometimes wished I’d gone back with you.” Mickey shoved his hands in jacket pockets and closed his eyes, trying to reach some kind of calm. “Look, I know you miss him but you have your family, a mum and a dad. There’s a lot of people that don’t even have that.”
Rose closed her eyes, willing away the tears. Mickey was absolutely right, he was saying things she’d been telling herself over and over again. But she couldn’t resist this one last connection with the Doctor.
Mickey moved towards her, his anger gone, and took her hand. “You’re not living his life, I know you think you are. He’s moved on, you see that, he’s got a life. But you, you’re just watching his. Do you think he’d want that?”
Rose shook her head, still not confident enough to speak. She was being selfish, ignoring everyone around her, as if she had something more important than the rest of them. But she was just holding onto something important, something that wasn’t really there. Still, there was that small glimmer of hope.
“I know, you’re right. It’s just I can’t help but think that if maybe one day he’ll know I’m there and then-“
Mickey dropped her hand and the anger was back, “What Rose? He said he couldn’t come back. You think that if he knows you’re in his head, he’ll somehow figure out a way to get here?”
Rose didn’t want to answer that because it was a question that plagued her like nothing else. Mickey shook his head at her and walked away. This time Rose didn’t attempt to follow him. She stood on her spot, in the freezing cold, resisting the temptation to fall back into the Doctor’s mind. Finally she made up her mind and let herself relax into his vision. Because this would be the last time for awhile.
**
Rose was sitting at her desk, a month later, pouring over a file, when she heard a knock on her door. Gwen was leaning against the door frame, a big smile on her face. “How’s it going?”
Rose closed the file folder and pushed away from the desk, stretching her arms above her head. “I never realized the amount of paper work involved in fighting aliens,” she joked.
“Rhys wants me to watch the match with him tonight at the pub and I was thinking you could join us.”
Rose looked at her desk, it was reasonably clear, so she wouldn’t feel too guilty leaving it for the night. “I’m supposed to watch it with Mickey tonight, actually.” Ever since their terse conversation that month ago, Rose had been trying her absolute hardest to get back on Mickey’s good side. Even if it meant watching endless football games.
Gwen leaned on Rose’s desk, “Already saw him in the hall, he and Jake will meet us there at seven.” When she saw Rose still looking a little unsure, she continued, “I know you’re still a little worried about going out in public but you’ve had everything under control-“ Gwen tapped her head, “for more than a month. And I’ll be there if anything happens.”
Rose clasped her hands in front of her and rolled her eyes, “Like the Doctor doing something ridiculous and insane, and flashes of it knocking me out of my chair.” Even though Rose could control her visions now, there were times when the Doctor would be feeling something so strongly that it would flash painfully into her. These days though, she resisted falling back into his world, intent on actually living in this one.
Gwen gave her a sympathetic smile, “You gotta get used to it, Rose.”
Rose found herself a few hours later, laughing away, completely forgetting her visions, the other world, even the Doctor and just enjoying the rather energetic company.
“Oi! I did no such thing. And you shut your mouth Rhys or you’re going to get a slap!
“So there’s Gweny, shirt off, harping on this poor lad. Knew she was the woman for me right then.” Rhys joined in with rest of the laughing table.
Gwen wiped a tear from her eye, “And that was my last experience with whiskey.”
Mickey, unable to stop laughing at the half-naked image of Gwen in his head, pointed animatedly at Rose, “Remember that night with the banana liqueur?”
Rose erupted into another onslaught of giggles, “I’d nearly forgotten about that!” Rose put her hand to her mouth to stop laughing, “My mate Shareen had stolen this bottle from her mum’s, we were what? Like fourteen? So we start chugging this stuff, right and-“
A sudden pain ripped through Rose’s head, like nothing before. She felt all the air being pulled from her lungs and intense nausea flood her stomach. She heard Gwen calling her name from far off but the pain was too intense. Rose barely registered Gwen rushing her into the bathroom, a blinding light distracting her vision.
“Okay Rose, just remember what you’re supposed to do. I need you to nod your head if you can hear me.”
Rose could feel herself being pulled into the Doctor’s mind, obviously he was in as much pain as she was. But, like Gwen had taught her, she resisted and with extreme effort she nodded her head.
Gwen had both of her hands on the sides of Rose’s face, “Okay good, now tell me what you see, what you feel.”
All Rose wanted to do was lapse into sobs but she forced her concentration into identifying what was going on within her head. “Pain, he’s in pain but he hasn’t been hurt.” Rose tried to concentrate on the images swarming her head but she couldn’t recognize anything. “There his memories I think, it feels like his memories are being pulled from him.” The Doctor’s screams exploded in her ears and she couldn’t imagine a worse sound.
And then it was gone. Rose was crouched on the bathroom floor staring at Gwen. The nausea, the screams, the images, everything gone. Rose closed her eyes and tried to reconnect with the Doctor but for the first time since she’d learned how, she couldn’t. She must have sat there for ten minutes trying but she couldn’t get anything.
“Rose?”
Rose felt the tears rush to her eyes, “He’s gone.”