Life and other crap in general . . .

[serenity84]

So, I see it's been over a year and a half since I've last written . . . in my defense, it's been a rough time since then, and still very much is for me. I'm starting to question everything in my life, while fighting major depression as well as panic/anxiety disorder. () My life is seriously in a shit-hole currently, and I'm at a loss as to where to guide it and what to do with it. Sadly, none of my choices will have any happiness for me, I'm not in favor of any of them. I'm overwhelmed at school, but back home, there are no options/opportunities for me. I feel entirely unmotivated. I'm not gonna recap what happened with the '08-'09 academic year, if you're reading this blog, chances are about 90% that you know what happened, and I absolutely hate discussing it. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I completed a full semester at Grand Valley this past fall semester. Grades being as follows:

JPN101-Elementary Japanese: Final Exam: A            Overall Grade: A
ENG 330-Studies in Fiction - Vampire Lit.: Final Paper: B+      Overall Grade: B+
EAS 201-East Asia in the Contemporary World: Final Exam: A        Overall Grade: C+
 (side note-this was a HARD class, lots of politics, I actually managed an A on my last paper on Japan)
HST 342-History of East Asian Religions: Final Exam: Unknown (must have been good to bring up my grade from a C-, ditto goes for my paper on Shinto!) Final Grade: B-

My parents are proud of me, but I just can't find any pride or sense of accomplishment in it . . .  and I'm not quite sure why . . .
Also over break, I had the LOVELY experience of appendicitis and the required appendectomy surgery and hospital recovery time that accompany it.

EDIT FURTHER