Accomplishment
So...I'm gonna do something I rarely if ever do when I post:
Monday night I had, in my opinion, a great accomplishment: I made it back to Onederland. My current weight according to the WW scale is 199.6 lbs. I wanted to make it to 195 before the end of the year and that's a possibility now. I'm just SO excited to be back! I've never been this motivated...it's been a long time coming.
I think it's fair to say I've had a weight problem all of my "life," from age 16 to now...when my weight really started mattering to me. When I was 17 I did the Weight Watchers program on my own and lost 30 lbs, from 205 to 175. I maintained that my whole senior year, and my first semester of college. Then, I got a computer in my dorm and didn't have to walk to the lab...add that to daily trips to the Lion's Den and my love for nachos in the caf, I gained the freshman 25 and didn't look back. When I left for Mexico in January 2003 I weighed 211...when I came back in June I weighed 191. But, that wasn't a true weight loss...that was just a reflection of me living the Mexican-pedestrian lifestyle. I was determined to keep that going and get back to my senior year weight, but I fell right back into my old college lifestyle and went back up...When I started teaching in August 2004 (and the last time I weighed where others could see it) I weighed 206. I had some fluctuations here and there, but the numbers just kept going up. When I joined Weight Watchers July 2, 2007, I weighed in at 237.
The saddest thing in all of this is...I never thought I looked bad. I am tall, so I thought that my height was covering up my increasing waistline. As I started losing weight on the program, I started realizing that when I started I couldn't define myself as "tall" anymore...I had to admit I was "fat." Before I joined I was in denial and a procrastinator extraordinaire. I love food too much, so why deprive myself? So what if my theighs are dottted with cellulite? So what if there are stretch marks on my stomach? So what if I stood a certain way I looked pregnant from the side? So what if my stomach stuck out more than my butt? I was tall...I didn't look bad...and I didn't want anyone to think I couldn't take care of this myself if I wanted to.
That day in July, I admitted that I couldn't do it by myself. I needed the accountability, and the weekly payments, of a weight loss program to get me to do it. I needed other people to invade a part of my life that was once such a closely guarded secret to get me the help and encouragement I needed. My mother had always been around to support me, because her weight has been a struggle also...but that wasn't the same. We were family, and we could excuse our actions and we'd understand. Joining WW meant we'd have non-family people to answer to. It was what we both needed.
So...jump ahead 5 months and one day and I'm 37.4 pounds lighter. (And my mother is now 34.8 lighter too!) I am amazed! I mean, I thought I could do it...but now that I actually have, it's incredible that I've been able to lose that much. My goal weight is 174...just to say I beat my weight the first time I did WW. My ultimate weight loss goal is 169...because I've never weighed in the 160s. I may make it, I may not...but I will try. I will make it to 174. I don't know how long it will take, but I know I can do it. I've gotten over myself and gotten the help I need. WW is like AA or anyother kind of support group. I'm not ashamed anymore. I know it works and I know I'm thankful for it.
What I leave this post with is a picture...a comparison picture of myself from June 2007 and November 2007. When I saw the one from June, I cried. After I saw it, I immediately went through my clothes and found the shirt and shorts and put them on...I can almost pull off the shorts without unzipping. I cried more. Like I said earlier...I never thought I looked that bad. I never thought I was "fat." That picture in June showed one disillusioned girl. I cried because I can't believe I let that happen to me. So..I'm posting this picture now as a reminder to myself to not let that happen again; to be more aware of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going to be.
Monday night I had, in my opinion, a great accomplishment: I made it back to Onederland. My current weight according to the WW scale is 199.6 lbs. I wanted to make it to 195 before the end of the year and that's a possibility now. I'm just SO excited to be back! I've never been this motivated...it's been a long time coming.
I think it's fair to say I've had a weight problem all of my "life," from age 16 to now...when my weight really started mattering to me. When I was 17 I did the Weight Watchers program on my own and lost 30 lbs, from 205 to 175. I maintained that my whole senior year, and my first semester of college. Then, I got a computer in my dorm and didn't have to walk to the lab...add that to daily trips to the Lion's Den and my love for nachos in the caf, I gained the freshman 25 and didn't look back. When I left for Mexico in January 2003 I weighed 211...when I came back in June I weighed 191. But, that wasn't a true weight loss...that was just a reflection of me living the Mexican-pedestrian lifestyle. I was determined to keep that going and get back to my senior year weight, but I fell right back into my old college lifestyle and went back up...When I started teaching in August 2004 (and the last time I weighed where others could see it) I weighed 206. I had some fluctuations here and there, but the numbers just kept going up. When I joined Weight Watchers July 2, 2007, I weighed in at 237.
The saddest thing in all of this is...I never thought I looked bad. I am tall, so I thought that my height was covering up my increasing waistline. As I started losing weight on the program, I started realizing that when I started I couldn't define myself as "tall" anymore...I had to admit I was "fat." Before I joined I was in denial and a procrastinator extraordinaire. I love food too much, so why deprive myself? So what if my theighs are dottted with cellulite? So what if there are stretch marks on my stomach? So what if I stood a certain way I looked pregnant from the side? So what if my stomach stuck out more than my butt? I was tall...I didn't look bad...and I didn't want anyone to think I couldn't take care of this myself if I wanted to.
That day in July, I admitted that I couldn't do it by myself. I needed the accountability, and the weekly payments, of a weight loss program to get me to do it. I needed other people to invade a part of my life that was once such a closely guarded secret to get me the help and encouragement I needed. My mother had always been around to support me, because her weight has been a struggle also...but that wasn't the same. We were family, and we could excuse our actions and we'd understand. Joining WW meant we'd have non-family people to answer to. It was what we both needed.
So...jump ahead 5 months and one day and I'm 37.4 pounds lighter. (And my mother is now 34.8 lighter too!) I am amazed! I mean, I thought I could do it...but now that I actually have, it's incredible that I've been able to lose that much. My goal weight is 174...just to say I beat my weight the first time I did WW. My ultimate weight loss goal is 169...because I've never weighed in the 160s. I may make it, I may not...but I will try. I will make it to 174. I don't know how long it will take, but I know I can do it. I've gotten over myself and gotten the help I need. WW is like AA or anyother kind of support group. I'm not ashamed anymore. I know it works and I know I'm thankful for it.
What I leave this post with is a picture...a comparison picture of myself from June 2007 and November 2007. When I saw the one from June, I cried. After I saw it, I immediately went through my clothes and found the shirt and shorts and put them on...I can almost pull off the shorts without unzipping. I cried more. Like I said earlier...I never thought I looked that bad. I never thought I was "fat." That picture in June showed one disillusioned girl. I cried because I can't believe I let that happen to me. So..I'm posting this picture now as a reminder to myself to not let that happen again; to be more aware of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going to be.