Reason for this journal and the entries made
No doubt you must wonder that when I do decide to put up a journal, why it is (almost) always about feelings and mostly pretty sad as well. That is because I tend to find it pretty difficult to talk to someone and be able to tell them exactly how I feel. These journals are mostly sad because sadness is the hardest thing for me to really show.
Naturally I can cry when I am really sad, carry a sad expression on my face, and I get annoyed easily when I am not feeling a hundred percent. So to my friends that are reading this and will notice me getting annoyed by the smallest things, it is mostly when I am not feeling well in the area of my feelings.
I find it hard to put what I feel directly into words to a person, so that people will understand what I'm feeling. If I have to talk to people about feelings, I never know where to begin. I myself am a person who is more of a listener, rather than a talker. I am a quiet person, I know that, and it has been pointed out to me before by mostly my family. When it comes to being talkative, I am a lot like my grandfather, quiet.
When I do talk to my friends about a serious topic, like what they are feeling, I want to listen to them. I want to hear what is bothering them and help make them feel better, comfort them if needed, a hug here and there and a shoulder to cry on if needed. But when it comes to me actually speaking out to a friend (or family) and telling them how I feel, I don't do it. Simply because I will feel as if I am bothering them with my problems, thinking that they have better things to do than just listening to me whine on and on about what I feel and what is bothering me. It feels as though I am waisting their time.
But if you don't know how to talk about these things, you will start feeling quite miserable. I personally prefer to talk to my friends about these things, and not to my mother. Let's face it, there are just some things you'd rather tell your friends than your family. You'd rather have their opinion than the opinion of your family who is already supposed to love you and tell you you are beautiful and a good person and whatever. Hearing such friends makes you (atleast me) feel just that bit better, knowing that there are other people out there that love you for who you are and accept you for who you are. That there are other people out there you can turn to when you are not feeling so hot.
Put simply, my way of opening up to people about my actual feelings is by writing it down. Somehow in writing, I can put into words better what I am feeling. Putting it on paper seems easier than telling a person. Maybe because paper doesn't talk back, because paper doesn't talk to you in the middle of your story which makes you forget most of the things you wanted to say to begin with (atleast, that is how it goes with me). That, and you don't feel like you are waisting paper's precious time because you have to get some things off of your chest.
I just thought I should let you people know why I mostly use this journal and why most of my entries made here are quite sad and going into feelings and the meaning of certain things in life very deeply. It is my outlet, my way to get things off of my chest, my way to make me feel a bit better because I simply do not know how to talk about it.
So for now, and until the next entry...
Rock on!
-serenitiv-
Pic of the day
