Boomer: The Conversation, Take 1
Courage eluded her.
A decade and a half as an Adamantine Arrow and courage eluded Boomer.
It was simple. All she had to do was tell him what she wanted. It wasn't like she was professing her undying love for him. That she did not posses. It was a matter of professing her undying love for her son. How hard could that really be? She'd gone over it a thousand times in her head. She knew what she wanted to say. She knew how she wanted to say it. No games. No pretenses. She just had to say it.
That seemed to be the hardest part.
She could walk into a city of strangers and tell them she thought they needed to clean up their city, but she couldn't walk into her own home and ask a man to search his soul. Well, put that way, maybe it wasn't so easy.
Boomer looked into the crib at her sleeping son. After the wards were put on the house she had moved his crib and all of his things out of her room and into one of the empty bedrooms in the house. They had four after all and they'd only been using two. He slept so soundly. He deserved everything she had to give, and she realized after Ruktis came back that she was willing to give the child that. Everything. What she also realized was that she wasn't sure Ruktis would. That was the crux of it all.
She just had to ask him.
In her mind, Arrow didn't sigh forlornly. She did it anyway. Then she got angry at herself and marched into the living room.
She'd do it tonight!
Come hell or high water she'd do it tonight! She'd say the things that had been weighing on her mind since their first Sunday Movie Night! She thought it over in her head.
"Ruk, I need to talk to you about Alexander. I'm worried about something and I need you to hear me out because this may take a little time to really explain. See, here's the thing. I love him to death. I love him more than life itself right now. I would do anything for that boy. Anything. He's my whole world. I would give everything up for him. I remember growing up in a shitty orphanage. I remember being alone. I remember losing everyone I'd ever cared about when my cabal mates died. I don't want any of that for him. Some of it I'm may not be able to help."
She paused to think about those last words. She laid down on the couch. No. They were wrong.
"Some of it I know I can't help. It may happen anyway and there's nothing I can do to stop it. But for now I just want to give him every opportunity that neither of us had. I love him so deeply and so tremendously. I want to give him as good an upbringing as I can. Now I know that you have your reservations about he and I. I know why too."
She adjusted her head. That was more comfortable. Where was she?
"I know you have your reservations. I know why too. You don't need to explain any more to me and I understand it. So I've thought long and hard about this and I need to ask you this. I'm not really looking for an answer right now, or maybe at all. I just need to ask the question. I just need you to take the time to think about it. Mull it over in your head. You don't even need to have an answer right away. Just think about it..."
Boomer's eyes got heavy. It was late. After 2 am. She struggled to remember the last thing she was thinking. Where was she in this constantly revisited conversation? What was the next thing she said? She'd remember soon. In a minute it would come back. In a minute...
She fell asleep on the sofa.
Hours later Ruktis came home. His 24 hours at home before going back and working long shifts at the hospital. He was Boomer on the sofa and shook his head disapprovingly. Before he went to sleep he stopped in front of his son's door. He did not go in. Did not even show the barest of interest or affection. The boy was in his bed. The bar on the crib was up. His vital signs were normal. He'd be damned if the boy or two mages died of SIDS in the middle of the night. Finding the baby satisfactorily safe and asleep, Ruk went to bed.
Boomer woke the next morning to Ruktis standing over her.
"Wake the hell up already." He said. Not his usual spitting tone.
Her eyes lifted lazily. "Wha?"
"The boy's crying his eyes out." He sniffed the air. "I think he needs a diaper change." With that he picked himself up and wandered into the kitchen.
She shook the sleep from her eyes and looked at the man she was supposed to confront. She thought about saying everything then and there, but the wailing got louder. He did need a diaper change.
"Shit." She sighed.
"That's what I said." Ruk replied, then took a swig out of the milk jug.
A decade and a half as an Adamantine Arrow and courage eluded Boomer.
It was simple. All she had to do was tell him what she wanted. It wasn't like she was professing her undying love for him. That she did not posses. It was a matter of professing her undying love for her son. How hard could that really be? She'd gone over it a thousand times in her head. She knew what she wanted to say. She knew how she wanted to say it. No games. No pretenses. She just had to say it.
That seemed to be the hardest part.
She could walk into a city of strangers and tell them she thought they needed to clean up their city, but she couldn't walk into her own home and ask a man to search his soul. Well, put that way, maybe it wasn't so easy.
Boomer looked into the crib at her sleeping son. After the wards were put on the house she had moved his crib and all of his things out of her room and into one of the empty bedrooms in the house. They had four after all and they'd only been using two. He slept so soundly. He deserved everything she had to give, and she realized after Ruktis came back that she was willing to give the child that. Everything. What she also realized was that she wasn't sure Ruktis would. That was the crux of it all.
She just had to ask him.
In her mind, Arrow didn't sigh forlornly. She did it anyway. Then she got angry at herself and marched into the living room.
She'd do it tonight!
Come hell or high water she'd do it tonight! She'd say the things that had been weighing on her mind since their first Sunday Movie Night! She thought it over in her head.
"Ruk, I need to talk to you about Alexander. I'm worried about something and I need you to hear me out because this may take a little time to really explain. See, here's the thing. I love him to death. I love him more than life itself right now. I would do anything for that boy. Anything. He's my whole world. I would give everything up for him. I remember growing up in a shitty orphanage. I remember being alone. I remember losing everyone I'd ever cared about when my cabal mates died. I don't want any of that for him. Some of it I'm may not be able to help."
She paused to think about those last words. She laid down on the couch. No. They were wrong.
"Some of it I know I can't help. It may happen anyway and there's nothing I can do to stop it. But for now I just want to give him every opportunity that neither of us had. I love him so deeply and so tremendously. I want to give him as good an upbringing as I can. Now I know that you have your reservations about he and I. I know why too."
She adjusted her head. That was more comfortable. Where was she?
"I know you have your reservations. I know why too. You don't need to explain any more to me and I understand it. So I've thought long and hard about this and I need to ask you this. I'm not really looking for an answer right now, or maybe at all. I just need to ask the question. I just need you to take the time to think about it. Mull it over in your head. You don't even need to have an answer right away. Just think about it..."
Boomer's eyes got heavy. It was late. After 2 am. She struggled to remember the last thing she was thinking. Where was she in this constantly revisited conversation? What was the next thing she said? She'd remember soon. In a minute it would come back. In a minute...
She fell asleep on the sofa.
Hours later Ruktis came home. His 24 hours at home before going back and working long shifts at the hospital. He was Boomer on the sofa and shook his head disapprovingly. Before he went to sleep he stopped in front of his son's door. He did not go in. Did not even show the barest of interest or affection. The boy was in his bed. The bar on the crib was up. His vital signs were normal. He'd be damned if the boy or two mages died of SIDS in the middle of the night. Finding the baby satisfactorily safe and asleep, Ruk went to bed.
Boomer woke the next morning to Ruktis standing over her.
"Wake the hell up already." He said. Not his usual spitting tone.
Her eyes lifted lazily. "Wha?"
"The boy's crying his eyes out." He sniffed the air. "I think he needs a diaper change." With that he picked himself up and wandered into the kitchen.
She shook the sleep from her eyes and looked at the man she was supposed to confront. She thought about saying everything then and there, but the wailing got louder. He did need a diaper change.
"Shit." She sighed.
"That's what I said." Ruk replied, then took a swig out of the milk jug.