(no subject)

[serendipity_99]

Well both of the big men in my life are pretty much gone. Zack is in Iraq, well Kwait and later Iraq, and Bryan is, rather in 2 or 3 hours will be, in anchorage. And i have been crying about both of them today. How stupid is that. I have no reason to be crying about Zack leaving. For some reason I'm afraid of him getting hurt over there...i think part of me is still incredibly stupid. And i told myself that i wouldn't get too close to Bryan. And here i sat in my car today and sobbed for half an hour. I wish there were two of me so i could slap myself. I didn't think that I was letting myself like him more than just a little bit. I think he got to me more than I wanted to permit. I'm not in love with him mind you...but I think I started to like him a little too much. I guess its good that he left. I don't need a relationship to start getting serious...the last thing i need is another major serious relationship right?

In other news the cat killed a butterfly today. Its been in the house for about 3 days. I had to leaving...watching her hunt down and slowly kill this thing was making me sick...watching it flap helplessly on the carpet and listening the sounds that its tattered wings made as it tried to stand upright...made me want to puke. I could have tossed it outside but it would have died anyway i think Diem probably put it out of its misery sooner than the elements would have.

I suppose thats all i'm just yelling at myself online for being stupid. Sometimes it helps to just write things out.