Final Gifts
I received a book from my *auntie* Val this week. Val was our neighbor when I was growing up in Snow Lake. If only all christians could be like my auntie.
The book is called 'Final Gifts' and it was written by hospice nurses Maggie Callanan & Patricia Kelley.
From the back:
In this moving and compassionate book, they share their intimate experiences with patients at the edge of life. Through these stories you'll come to appreciate the near-miraculous ways in which the dying communicate their needs, reveal their feelings, and even choreograph their own final moments, you'll gain new insight into the leave-taking process, and in the end you'll discover the gifts - of wisdom, faith and love - that the dying leave for us to share
The reason I tell you this, is because if you're ever in a situation where someone you know (other than me) is faced with the terminal illness of someone they love, this book is the best thing you could do for them. It's brought me peace that I didn't have before. Not to say that "I'll be fine now" but it's a step in the right direction at least.
Here's what I read this morning ...
Struggling For The Proper Response
How do you respond to these feelings? What if the patient is in denial, the spouse is angry, the daughter depressed, the son bargaining and the best friend accepting? The first step may be the hardest. Keep still. Don't try to help anyone "deal with" denial, anger, and depression in order to achieve acceptance, which many people see as the "correct" response to dying. Acceptance can be more comfortable than the other stages - especially for onlookers - but there is nothing right or wrong or well or poorly adjusted about any of the stages of dying. They're normal, predictable responses to the process.
Try not to give advice or to look for solutions. Listen. Accept. This is difficult, if you really listen, you will hear pain, even feel it. If only to relieve your own distress, you'll be tempted to offer advice or to attempt to defuse the anger - to say something to avoid the pain and sadness. Unfortunately, there is really no way of doing so.
The book is called 'Final Gifts' and it was written by hospice nurses Maggie Callanan & Patricia Kelley.
From the back:
In this moving and compassionate book, they share their intimate experiences with patients at the edge of life. Through these stories you'll come to appreciate the near-miraculous ways in which the dying communicate their needs, reveal their feelings, and even choreograph their own final moments, you'll gain new insight into the leave-taking process, and in the end you'll discover the gifts - of wisdom, faith and love - that the dying leave for us to share
The reason I tell you this, is because if you're ever in a situation where someone you know (other than me) is faced with the terminal illness of someone they love, this book is the best thing you could do for them. It's brought me peace that I didn't have before. Not to say that "I'll be fine now" but it's a step in the right direction at least.
Here's what I read this morning ...
Struggling For The Proper Response
How do you respond to these feelings? What if the patient is in denial, the spouse is angry, the daughter depressed, the son bargaining and the best friend accepting? The first step may be the hardest. Keep still. Don't try to help anyone "deal with" denial, anger, and depression in order to achieve acceptance, which many people see as the "correct" response to dying. Acceptance can be more comfortable than the other stages - especially for onlookers - but there is nothing right or wrong or well or poorly adjusted about any of the stages of dying. They're normal, predictable responses to the process.
Try not to give advice or to look for solutions. Listen. Accept. This is difficult, if you really listen, you will hear pain, even feel it. If only to relieve your own distress, you'll be tempted to offer advice or to attempt to defuse the anger - to say something to avoid the pain and sadness. Unfortunately, there is really no way of doing so.